Michele Cushatt
11 min read ⭑
“I know what it’s like to despair to the point of death. I know the darkness of praying again and again without relief. … So now I do my best to sit with you in it, whether you’re reading one of my books, engaging with one of my presentations, or sitting with me in a coaching session. Together, we’ll walk this hard thing out to the other side.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
I spent a good portion of my minimum-wage, high school income at a small, hole-in-the-wall, family-owned Italian restaurant in my midwestern hometown. I could get a loaf of Italian bread (still warm from the oven) and a bowl of meat marina to dip it in for under $5. I spent more than a few school lunch hours scarfing down bread and sauce over lively teenage conversations with my friends. Both parts filled my soul.
To this day, I still prefer small, local restaurants with ridiculously good food and enough quiet to have rich conversations—even better if we can find a table outside. Take Yolanda’s, for example, where you can get authentic carnitas tacos, handmade chips and guacamole, and a margarita in a plastic cup that will put all other margaritas to shame.
Even so, the words that pass between us matter just as much as the food that sits on the plate. Perhaps even more so now. You see, I’ve survived head-and-neck cancer three times, more specifically cancer of the tongue. That means I’ve lost two-thirds of my tongue and the majority of my taste. So the quality of the food is important if I’m going to taste it at all.
At the same time, the quality of the relationship matters even more because it satisfies my hunger and desire for meaning in a way that food alone will never be able to do again—at least on this side of heaven. But trust me when I say I’ve already let Jesus know he needs to greet me at the pearlies with a platter of apple fritters. No questions asked. He agreed.
Andy Holmes; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity (or activities) do you love engaging in, which also help you find essential spiritual renewal?
Living at the base of the Rocky Mountains comes with more than a few perks, my favorite is the ability to hike. Every summer, when the snow melts and schedules slow, I take off for the mountains for a few days alone, preferably in the Breckenridge, Keystone, and Copper Mountain areas.
Each morning, I open my All Trails app and find a new trail to hike, preferably something that will take at least two or three hours and no more than eight or nine hours. It also needs to be a trail that’s remote enough that I won’t run into too many other humans. After loading up my hydration pack with water, a protein bar, a first aid kit, and a bear whistle, I leash up my black Labrador-pointer-mix dog and take off for the trail.
Something happens to my heart, mind, and body when I enter into the wilderness alone. As my hiking boots trek across landscapes blanketed with both boulders and pine needles, I feel the wildness of it all, the inherent danger of trekking miles from the nearest mountain town in a place inhabited by more animals than people. At the same time, I also feel a covering of calm, quiet, and glory. The bigness of the world, the detail of creation, the awareness of my smallness as I’m swallowed up by it all ... all of it points to a Creator I don’t always understand but cannot deny.
Beauty is no accident. And the knowledge of this feels like home.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you hide it?
I’ve been told that I come across as a confident and self-assured woman. In some areas of my life and work, I’m sure this is true. I’m confident I can make a restaurant-worthy meal for my family. I have the chops to climb a 14K mountain. I know how to identify and help develop the traits of a healthy leader in those I coach and mentor.
However, underneath this veneer of confidence sits a lifetime of chronic insecurity. The reasons for this insecurity are valid and complex, including too much suffering and trauma, abuse by people in positions of trust, rejection, and abandonment by those who should’ve stuck close. I’ve spent much time and money in therapy learning how to process, heal, and learn from these experiences. And I’m sure I’m stronger as a result.
Even so, seeds of insecurity remain. At times, it looks like leaving my own heart and mind behind so I can please the person standing in front of me. Or neglecting my emotional health to tune into the emotional needs of the people I care about. I’m 52 years old, and I’m just now coming to terms with how often I have abandoned myself out of fear of being abandoned by those I love. It drives me crazy, this nagging insecurity and the fear that’s inherent to it. I can sniff it out in someone else from a mile away. And yet, why can’t I cure myself?
And then I remember. It’s because I need a Savior.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
If I had to summarize my professional work and expertise in a single sentence, it would be this: I help people navigate tough spaces.
As an executive coach, I help leaders build their businesses, teams, culture, and themselves, especially through crises. As a presentation coach, I guide speakers through the rigorous process of developing and delivering powerful signature presentations, something that causes most people a lot of angst.
As an author, I write books about the tensions between faith and suffering, the most recent of which is A Faith That Will Not Fail: 10 Practices to Build Up Your Faith When Your World Is Falling Apart. In these books, I do my best to pull back the curtain of my personal story so that, together, we can navigate the big questions and doubts that threaten to pull us under: Is God real? Is he good? And can I trust him?
Why do I hang out in hard spaces? Let’s just say I didn’t choose this ministry. It chose me. For the last 30 years, I’ve experienced consecutive and unrelenting losses. These seasons of suffering nearly took me out—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It’s a wonder I’m still alive and still believe in the existence of a good God.
I know what it’s like to despair to the point of death. I know the darkness of praying again and again without relief. I’ve seen the dark underbelly of leaders—in both corporate and ministry environments—including myself. Disillusionment and disappointment are powerful forces, ones we aren’t wired to navigate alone. So now I do my best to sit with you in it, whether you’re reading one of my books, engaging with one of my presentations, or sitting with me in a coaching session. Together, we’ll walk this hard thing out to the other side.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
It was a trip to the U.K. in 2017 that finally helped me begin to make peace with my complicated story. I’d been invited to speak at a faith conference in Plymouth. Knowing that my paternal ancestors originated in Cornwall, I extended my trip by a week.
It was a pilgrimage of sorts, an attempt to find closure after my dad’s sudden death from pancreatic cancer a couple of years before. However, I had no idea where I’d find it—until the day I stood at the edge of Gwennap Pit.
Gwennap Pit is an outdoor amphitheater created over what’s believed to be a collapsed mine. In 1773, it’s said that John Wesley preached to a crowd of 30,000, presenting the gospel to local miners and their families. As I stood between two stone pillars, believed to be Wesley’s pulpit, it occurred to me that my relatives likely heard Wesley’s message, shortly before they migrated to North America.
For years, I had wrestled with a complicated family and history, filled with both pain and goodness. That day, I felt God give me a glimpse of his activity through the many generations of my family tree, using both human brokenness and divine grace to bring hope and healing. God had not abandoned me. He was still present and active even though I couldn’t always see him.
Isaiah 45:3 has often proved true for me:
“I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name” (NIV).
My biggest breakthroughs and inspirations have come in the bleakest seasons. It’s the suffering that opens my eyes to God’s reality. It’s the pain that tenders my heart to the whisper of the Spirit. It is the tearing losses that, in time, expose God’s tender care. So although I would never wish for the dark, I’ve learned to become a student of it.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you right now?
When you’re a working mom of six kids, three of whom are still teenagers and living at home, you learn to take advantage of any windows of silence—even if they only happen at 5 a.m.!
My favorite time of day is pre-dawn. I tiptoe out of the bedroom, leaving my snoring husband in the dark. Then I head to the kitchen, turn on our automatic espresso machine, and press the button for the perfect cup of dark roast with a rich crema on top (I’m a bit of a snob).
With my dog in tow, I head to my office and shut the door, where I light a candle, turn on instrumental music, and settle into my well-worn leather chair. From that vantage point, I have a perfect view out my office window of the horizon as the sun comes up over our rural backyard. Wrapped in a blanket and sipping my coffee, I savor the silence.
Most days, I read my Bible and pray, think and listen, ask questions, and wait for insights. For years, Bible study was a box I checked. Although I still think study, meditation, and prayer matter, I’m now learning to simply be with Jesus. I sit with him, whether I’m reading my Bible or scanning the news. I resist the urge to perform for him and instead enjoy him and his reality in this new day. It doesn’t always look very “spiritual,” but I think it’s real and honest. And being with the lover of my heart grounds me for whatever the day may bring.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top-three resources stand out to you? What changed the game and changed your heart?
I’ve experienced at least three critical moments in my adult life when my faith hung in the balance. The first was when my marriage to a pastor fell apart in my 20s. The second is when I navigated months of significant church conflict and ministry loss in my 30s. And the third was when cancer nearly took my life and left me with permanent disability and chronic pain in my 40s. In each case, God used a different human voice as a light on my path through the dark.
In my 20s, it was The Sacred Romance by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis. For the first time, I started to see faith as a love story, not a fear story.
In my 30s, it was Beth Moore’s Bible study Breaking Free on Isaiah 61. A counselor had once quoted Isaiah 61:3 to me, telling me that one day God would restore me as an “oak of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Then, when I walked into a women’s Bible study for the first time and heard Beth teach about that very passage, I knew God was in the process of doing it.
And then, in my 40s, as I fought for my life and faith and wrestled with more physical pain than any human should have to endure, I discovered Timothy Keller’s sermons and his book Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering. I cannot overstate how much this book helped me through one of the darkest nights of my soul. God didn’t relieve my suffering. He didn’t take the pain away. But through the pages of Keller, I came to understand that God had given me himself in a way I’d never experienced him before. I was not alone, not even close.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or even thrive) in tough times—times like these! Name one resource you’re savoring and/or finding indispensable in this current season, and tell us what it’s doing for you.
It’s no surprise to those close to me that my brain is constantly on the move. I think and process and ruminate ... and then I think and process and ruminate some more. It feels nearly impossible to get my mind to shut down, empty itself, and let go of all its tasks, fears, and concerns.
I think this is why I’m loving the Lectio365 app during this season. I find a quiet place to sit, whether inside or outside, and put in my AirPods. Then, I close my eyes and breathe through a few moments of Scripture and meditation. It’s one of the few moments where I’m not in charge, but in a position to submit and receive. It quiets me, both heart and mind. I inhale and exhale slowly, and I open my hands palms up and release whatever it is that I’m holding on to too tightly. Rather than the chaos, I focused on my Creator.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
I’ve known for more than a year now that God was in the process of doing something new in my life and work. For more than a decade, I’ve written books for Zondervan Publishers (Harper Collins Christian); blogged on my website (www.MicheleCushatt.com) and InCourage; taught at multiple conferences, events, retreats, and intensives; and co-hosted two nationally recognized podcasts.
Much of my life over the last decade has been lived on public platforms. And although I’m grateful for those opportunities, I’ve consistently felt God nudge me toward more local, more intimate, and less public work.
That said, I didn’t have a clue what all that meant. I just knew change was coming.
It’s only been in the last couple of months that I’ve gained a little clarity. It’s still unfolding, and I’m doing my best to slow my roll and wait. (For the record, I’m not great at waiting.) That said, in January I’m going to Denver Seminary to get my master’s in biblical and theological studies. The world is changing rapidly, and I want my faith and beliefs to be rooted in more than habit, opinion, or the loudest voices in the room. Thus, I’m becoming a student again. I have much yet to learn.
Second, I want to invest in the next generation of faith leaders. I’m still not entirely clear what this looks like, but I know it will involve discipleship and mentoring. And likely less time on social media and more time face-to-face. I’m good with that.
How do we keep from hardening our hearts when we go through painful trials? How do we keep our hearts open to Jesus’ presence?
These aren’t easy questions to answer.
But perhaps the best place to start is simply slowing down and pausing to listen for the Holy Spirit’s voice so we can partner with him and not with our fear.
As you slow down right now, what do you hear? What Scriptures come to mind? What people come to mind (whether to pray for or reach out to for support)?
Pain will come—that’s inevitable. And yes, it will be hard to choose faith over fear. But we can—because our Shepherd is good.
An experienced executive, communicator, speaking coach, and four-time author, Michele Cushatt speaks to a wide variety of corporate and faith audiences in the U.S. and around the world. A three-time head and neck cancer survivor and parent of biological, step, and foster-adopt children, Michele is a (reluctant) expert on trauma, resilience, and our deep human need for authentic connection—at work and at home. She and her husband, Troy, have six children, and they live on eight acres outside of Denver, Colorado. She loves historical novels, hiking in the mountains, and a kitchen table filled with people. Learn more at www.MicheleCushatt.com.
