Nick Connolly
12 min read ⭑
“Don’t let people tell you effortlessness and ease mean effectiveness. For me, the resistance of it all means I’m heading in the right direction.”
Have you ever grappled with the choice between giving up and pressing on in the midst of disappointment? Nick Connolly knows this dilemma well. As a husband, father, non-profit leader, and business owner, Nick has learned the art of perseverance. His book, Don’t Give Up Just Yet, is a gold mine of encouragement on how to keep moving forward in faith in spite of resistance.
In this interview, Nick opens up about his journey of perseverance in the middle of disappointment, his enjoyment of the war against opposition, and his attempt at adding fun back into his life.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
Living in Charleston, SC, leaves my wife and me not lacking when it comes to incredible places to eat. The new ones come, and they are very exciting. People will write and post about them. Obsess about them even. But one thing we're learning living in our lovely city is that restaurants come and go, but the best ones stick it out. It's in this list of persistent restaurants you will find my favorite place to eat. Our place is called Stella's. Instantly it feels as if we're transported to Europe—specifically Greece. The portions are incredible. The prices, not too bad. The seats are comfy (including the bar seating). Every time my wife and I go, we get lost in conversation and share a great meal together.
Recently I had a medical scare (I had a panic attack) after eating at Stella's, so, to be honest, there was a bit of trauma associated with our favorite spot. I knew I needed to redeem and restore the memory of Stella's in my mind. So I persisted through the feelings of fear and resistance, and my wife and I took our four kids for the first time to celebrate the recent launch of my first book, Don't Give Up Just Yet. We all sat at the bar and had an incredible time. We played a game where we would say the lyrics of a song and we'd all have to try and guess which song it was. We laughed so hard that others began to look at us. They were either annoyed or jealous. Maybe a little of both?
Core memory activated and restaurant redeemed—all by pressing through some mental resistance.
If you're ever in Charleston, look up Stella's and make a reservation.
Ardian Lumi; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
Growing up with a single mom who battled cancer most of my childhood caused me to grow up rather quickly. This outlook continued throughout college as I was working hard to pay for college, go to college, and date an incredible woman I would one day marry.
After college we got married and had kids very quickly. Once our kids arrived, so did the recession in 2008-2010. After the recession we began the hard work of pioneering some incredible projects which demanded a lot of our attention.
We are ten years into one of those projects, and I have to confess that this has become a recent place of discovery for me. What I'm trying to say is I'm not necessarily good at hobbies and interests—yet.
But here are some things I really love and enjoy at the moment.
I love salsa dancing with my wife. We are currently taking lessons, and it has been incredibly fun. I still need a deliverance over my hips, but they are loosening up with each lesson.
Cooking has always been a passion of mine. At times I feel like a Waffle House cook, taking ample time to prep a meal and then watching my teenagers devour it in ten minutes or less. But even that can't take the love I have for spending time in the kitchen prepping a meal.
Recently, I purchased a very old Range Rover classic I've named “The Duchess." I didn't grow up with anyone teaching me how to fix cars, but I sure have loved learning about cars. Truth be told, the kids have renamed my car "The Gold Digger" because of the constant repairs.
Fun, interests, and hobbies are a place of new discovery for me, but after recently learning my body is carrying a lot of stress, it's so important to have other “things” so that I can keep going in the important and weighty things I've been asked to do while on this planet.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
I have the privilege of leading a wonderful faith community in Charleston, SC, called Bright City. We offer a class so that people can learn more about our community and why we do what we do. It's not your normal experience when it comes to these types of things. It has more to do with life outside the walls of our community rather than inside the walls.
We talk about the power of our words. The importance of rest. The force of beauty and creativity in this world. The power of community and hospitality. Generosity as a world-changing action. The list goes on.
There are two things I struggle with the most when it comes to what we share.
The first thing is my words. One might think I mean how I talk to others, but the truth is, I struggle with how I talk to myself. I have a tendency to be down on myself. Negative. My biggest critic.
Even more, I have struggled to process the words that have been spoken over me in my past. You may or may not be aware of this, but I believe the power of life and death reside in the tongue. I've had some pretty difficult words spoken over my life. If I'm not careful, I can find myself living in such a way that it becomes a self-ordaining prophecy of sorts over my life, meaning that I live into what has been spoken over me.
Maybe some of you might resonate with this?
Secondly, we talk a lot about community. And to be honest, it's really easy for me to be alone or to live in such a way where I care for others so that I don't have to receive when it comes to my needs.
You could say that because of my job, I do a lot of public speaking. One of my favorite things to talk about is the encounter with Jesus found in Mark 2. It's a real page turner if you ever want to read it for yourself.
It talks about a man who really needed help, and, as a result, four guys took it upon themselves to find the help this guy needed. They do so by carrying this guy on a mat to the top of a house, tearing the roof off of the home, and lowering the person before Jesus.
Truth be told, I've always pitched this as my willingness to be one of the four who carried this gentleman—to help people find the help they need.
Recently, the tables have turned, and I've found myself on the mat—needing the care of the community I'm involved in.
Being alone isn't an option. Not needing the help of others isn't a choice any longer, so I am learning to be comfortable in receiving the care and company of others.
This isn't something I'm a natural at, but it is the natural need of life...something we all can benefit from.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
Have you ever noticed how resistance in life seems to be the universal experience? Trials and tribulations seem to be on every corner of life.
I wrote a book called Don't Give Up Just Yet to help people navigate the resistance they might encounter in life and help them meet that resistance with powerful persistence.
As you've learned already, I've encountered some pretty powerful resistance in my life. Times when life seemed to be an uphill climb. Moments where I was living under the reality of "when it rains, it pours."
In fact, my friends used to say, "Nick, things don't really work out for you!"
Even though the struggles surfaced and were always present, I pressed on and persisted anyway, believing God had a different outcome than my present reality.
As I mentioned, in 2013, we planted a faith community called Bright City Church in Charleston, SC.
It started small, but we continued to see growth little by little. Well, in 2018, it all hit the fan. Things were out of control. We had a minor church exodus that caused us to be at 30 percent capacity in less than a few months.
People left.
Things were difficult.
It seemed like we had zero momentum in every area of life.
One difficult Saturday, rather than being pumped for our Sunday gathering, I stood in our kitchen and prepped my wife for what was about to come out of my mouth.
I said, "Hey. For one day—today—I quit being a pastor. I give up. I don't want to do this any more. Tomorrow, I will hire myself back on. But today, I quit."
To be honest, this was all I had the energy for. I couldn't even type up a two weeks’ notice if I needed to.
Well, the next day came. We went through it, along with the days that followed. They weren't any easier, but we persisted.
After the fog and exhaustion cleared, I began to look back and wonder what my life had been about up until that point, and I noticed a theme. Resistance surfaced. I had two options: I could give up and walk away, or I could practice persistence and press on.
Here was the good part—I noticed if I practiced persistence, the resistance usually gave way to a beautiful harvest on the other side of the hard trials.
Here's something else I noticed—too many people tended to quit and give up before they reaped the beautiful harvest and the payoff. Basically when the going got tough, they got going…the other direction.
I decided at that moment, with the help of my wife and writing agent, Jenni Burke, I wanted to help people get going so they could reap the beautiful payoff God has for them. I truly believe the best days are on the other side of some of the hardest days.
I can't stand by when this happens any longer. God's fruit for our lives is far greater than the friction we may feel on our hardest days.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
Creativity is one of those principles we teach during our class offering for new people at Bright City.
Over the years, I've seen the power of creativity and beauty at work in the world. It would seem these can be very powerful forces to turn people back to a Creator who loves them and cares for them deeply.
I love creativity for this reason.
I feel the effects of creativity the most through my words, written and spoken. There's something beautiful about this process. You get with God, and he gives inspiration. You process a lot of feelings of doubt and faithlessness. Eventually the wrestling ceases. The due date is here, and what's on your heart must go on the paper.
Then the day comes for you to present what's been inspired. And, all of a sudden, the same power of inspiration at work in the preparation pours itself out in the delivery. Lives are changed. People are called up into who they were truly created to be. The cultural ties that bind us fall off.
Inspired information gives way to powerful formation. Rest in the fruit. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
This type of work can't be marked or described as effortless. In fact, I find the effortless work is sometimes the most ineffective work. This work is different. There's a war at play. A toil. A grind even. There's a process that seems foggy and uphill at times.
But, I love this war. The toil. The grind. The foggy and uphill process. It's where I experience the most anguish yet receive and experience the most power.
Don't let people tell you effortlessness and ease mean effectiveness. For me, the resistance of it all means I'm heading in the right direction.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
As I mentioned before, doing what isn't work is a lot of work for me right now. I am still learning what recreates and restores me.
In fact, recently I had a battle involving panic attacks. They came out of nowhere and sidelined me for a few months. What's interesting is I rested, practiced sabbath regularly, started each day with scriptures and time with God, exercised, and ate really well.
What I learned is that the right rituals and routines aren't always the silver bullet.
Recovery and rediscover are words I would use to describe this era in my life. In fact, my word of the year is rebuild. I believe there's a new way that's going to sustain the next years of my life. During a time of prayer, I sensed God say, "For the first forty years of your life, you had to grow up fast and become an adult. The next forty years are going to be about you learning how to be a kid."
I'm learning how to have fun. I'm learning how to read scripture and pray with fresh eyes. There seems to be a way my youngest kid approaches me and believes that I could make anything possible at any moment. I'm learning how to see God that way again.
Are routine and ritual helpful? Absolutely. But I am learning that they make for a horrible god. He is still Lord. He is Lord over the practice, and He is the Lord who can extend presence and power at any moment, in any way.
I say all that to encourage you to see Jesus as the restore and not the ritual/routine. But he does meet us powerfully in those things.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
Oh wow. I feel like the foundation I stand on is because of so many people who have contributed to my growth over the years from afar. Choosing only three seems impossible! But I will give it my best shot.
The first is my wife, Jess. She is an incredible leader, writer, pastor, preacher, and entrepreneur. So much of who I am is because of her impartation into my life. I learn so much from her and believe her to be one of the biggest contributors of who I am today as a human being. She has courage and faith when I lack those attributes. She has wisdom that helps me make key decisions in life. And she gives me constant encouragement on the good and hard days.
Secondly, truth be told, I am a 268 Generation kid. Pastor Louie Giglio and his wife, Shelley, have pioneered and provided some of the most incredible spiritual environments I have ever been in. In fact, most major life decisions I've made have come from moments of worship and teaching at Passion Conferences: who to marry, what my ministry would be, where to move to pioneer for the kingdom. God spoke into all these areas and so much more during my times at Passion Conferences. They have been so faithful to God's call on their lives.
Lastly, (I hate you asked for only three) I would have to say Erwin McManus. I love the way he leads a spiritual community in the current cultural climate. I've been reading his books and listening to his sermons for almost 20 years, and they have been incredible encouragement. In 2018, when I was on the verge of giving up on everything, I read The Last Arrow, and it encouraged me to keep going. Additionally, my wife and I lead a church and have started businesses. Erwin is in both of those spaces, so it really helps to have someone to look to from afar while we try and navigate places we've not been before!
Man, this is so hard picking only three!
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
Again..."choose three," and now…"choose one." OMG.
This is an easy choice.
The church.
For better or worse, the church has been my family from the time I was five to where I currently stand today.
Of course I've had some tough times in the church, but, for better or worse, it's my community, my people, my purpose, my source of encouragement and strength, my place of healing, my place to provide the greatest change in our culture. The list goes on and on.
The church is hard. But a good and healthy church is also indispensable.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
I love talking about and thinking about the future.
We're in the process of beginning to talk about replicating Bright Cities in other cities, specifically Spanish—and Portuguese—speaking communities. I have no idea what this means, but we're heading in that direction. God will guide.
Even though I just released my first book, we're already dreaming about the second book. There are a few things on the table as to what it will be about, but either way I can't wait!
Lastly, this one has nothing to do with serious professional endeavors, but I really want to restore my old Range Rover classic. I get so excited thinking about it and learning more about auto mechanics in general. Who knows when it will happen, but I am excited nonetheless!
What resistance do you feel in your life right now? Have you encountered opposition to dreams and promises you have held closely? Take some time to ask God about His perspective on your situation. Would you keep going if you knew there was a harvest of fruit on the other side? Take some time to ask God for wisdom on how to move forward. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Nick Connolly is the founding and lead pastor of Bright City Church, a ten-year-old faith community located in the heart of downtown Charleston, South Carolina. Not only is Nick passionate about church, he and his wife, Jess, have started multiple small businesses and love how business can be used for the Kingdom. Nick and Jess live in Charleston with their four kids: Elias, Glory, Benja, and Cannon.
