Ted Lowe
8 min read ⭑
“It all started back in 2020, when I asked the question, ‘What makes happy couples happy?’ After much research, the answer I found was clear: When it comes to your marriage, your thoughts matter most. That’s why the central theme of my book is that you can change your marriage by changing your thoughts.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
Before moving to Atlanta, we spent our first five years of marriage in Mission Viejo, California, where we learned the art of lingering meals. I actually feel like I have two hometowns: Centre, Alabama, and Mission Viejo, California.
Centre, Alabama is where I grew up. Mission Viejo is where my marriage started its life. On one of our trips back to our marital hometown of Mission Viejo, we grabbed one of our favorite families and took a 20-minute ride to Crystal Cove, where we declared the meal too much to spend on kids who only like burgers.
So we hiked the hill and had burgers and fries at Ruby’s, a roadside burger joint that overlooks the ocean. The food was just an excuse to be together. Just as we were trained by our West Coast family, we lingered and laughed over burgers and fries.
Chris Kursikowski; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
I had ADHD long before it was cool to have it. I’m also pretty high-strung and not unfamiliar with anxiety. But there’s something about water that calms me down.
Thankfully, I grew up on a lake in Alabama where I waterskied—a lot. Now, my version of waterskiing is water-riding on a jet ski. I feel like I’m on a motorcycle with fewer consequences. If I get distracted—which I do constantly—there are no lanes and no keeping it between the ditches. Just a lot of margin for error. The noise from the jet ski quiets me and my passengers, and we are forced to simply enjoy the ride.
The peace I find there is incredible. I recently started using the One Minute Pause app, and I highly recommend it. The app encourages you to think of a place you love that brings you peace, and for me, the lake is that place. Through this app’s guidance, I may or may not have taken a ride on a jet ski with Jesus. I know it sounds crazy, but it was great. I didn’t even have to drive. I just wrapped my arms around his waist and laid the side of my head on his back as I took in the view. No words needed. Even my busy brain couldn’t miss the message to slow down and trust him in my “real” life.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
My kryptonite is Fred. Let me explain.
I love people. But the only person I really struggle with liking and loving is myself, and it’s easy to think negatively about myself. In fact, I’ve named the speaker of these negative thoughts “Fred.” And let me say this in the kindest way possible: Fred is a jerk. He says things to me I would never say to anyone else—ever!
Fred can make me anxious, sad, and depressed. But perhaps the most concerning thing about Fred is that his voice can be louder than the voice of God. So how do I hide Fred? The thing with Fred is that you don’t have to hide him because he’s great at disguising himself. That’s one of his most powerfully harmful attributes. In fact, I didn’t know he even existed until a few years ago.
I’ve found many people have their own Fred in their heads. The great news is that there are simple ways to put Fred in his proper place. I spend a lot of my time trying to help people do that while trying hard to remember to do it myself.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
After years of work, research, meetings, and deadlines, my book, Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage is finally out!
It all started back in 2020 when I asked the question, “What makes happy couples happy?” After much research, the answer I found was clear: When it comes to your marriage, your thoughts matter most.
That’s why the central theme of this book is that you can change your marriage by changing your thoughts. Using Scripture, research, and neuroscience, couples can discover a simple way to rethink how they see themselves and their marriage.
I’ve been traveling around the country for the past year teaching the content from this book, and the response has been amazing. Hearing stories about how this material is impacting marriages makes me so grateful. My hope is that it can do the same for many, many marriages.
My wife, Nancie, recently said to me, “Babe, this stuff is just different. It’s helping marriages on a whole different level.” I agree with her, and that’s not bragging because I didn’t come up with this stuff. People much smarter than me discovered what I’ve written in this book. I just compiled it in a way people could understand. The great thing about my ADHD is that it makes me write in a way I can understand. And if I can understand it, anyone can!
I’ve never enjoyed presenting content as much as I’ve enjoyed presenting this message. It’s really fun, it’s really helpful, and I truly feel like God is all over it. I’m just getting to ride the ride—on the jet ski.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
About a month ago, I had to listen to the audio version of my new book to see if there were any editing mistakes. Before I started, I prayed that God’s voice would be louder than Fred’s. On a long drive to speak at an event, I was able to listen to the book in its entirety.
Something very unexpected happened—something so powerful yet so odd that I decided to keep it to myself until now. As I listened, I was actually pastored by the content. I laughed. I got teary a couple of times. There were phrases and bottom lines that I felt were not my own. I actually said out loud a couple of times, “That was really good.” It was as if I were listening to someone else’s book.
By listening to the book all at once, I could see just how much influence God had on it. And I love that. I love that these words didn’t come only from me. Sure, I’ve done this for a long time, and I know some things. People tell me I’m funny, even insightful. But I truly do think this work was not just from me. I believe much of it was led by the God who loves us all so much and who wants our marriages to work even more than we do.
So why wouldn’t the Holy Spirit partner with me when I let him? With this book, I really think he did. I’m very grateful and excited about that. I told a friend the other day that the content of this book is changing my life. I pray the parts inspired by the Holy Spirit are the loudest when people read it.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
I’ve mentioned this already, but the One Minute Pause app is really a gift for my soul these days. In fact, a friend introduced it to me while I was writing my book. It was perfect timing for a man who was writing a book about the power of thoughts in marriage.
The app is simple yet so powerful. John Eldridge and his team have masterfully combined music, Scripture, and guided mindfulness (my description not theirs) in a way that slows down and loves on my speedy, racing mind.
It helps me to remember I’m loved by and guided by God and I don’t have to figure everything out. What a gift.
There is part of me that is sad I didn’t discover it until recently, but I will not allow Fred to throw shade on my experience or God’s timing for when I was to have it.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
Three resources? Only three? Just so you know, this is a very difficult assignment for me. But here goes:
1. The One Minute Pause app. (I mentioned this one a few times earlier.) This app provides a simple way to connect with God, even in the middle of your busy day.
2. Podcasts. I’m a bit of a podcast junky, but if I had to pick one to recommend, I would choose The School of Greatness Podcast with Lewis Howes. On this business and self-development podcast, Lewis interviews influencers—think Tony Robbins, Arianna Huffington, Alanis Morisette, and the like—to talk about entrepreneurship, health, mindset, and relationships.
3. Books. One of my favorites is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg. Charles is an award-winning business reporter, and in this book, he uses science and popular examples (like Proctor & Gamble, the NFL, and the civil rights movement) to explain the keys to forming habits that lead to success.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
I’ve mentioned this resource several times—but only because I find it the most helpful. The One Minute Pause app helps me focus on Jesus so I can simply love him and give everything to him.
Each meditation starts with this statement: “I give everything and everyone to you, God.” In this current season, it has saved me daily. I’ve been so anxious about the launch of the book and the ups and downs of raising teenagers. It serves to settle me in the best way.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
I’m working with a new friend to create citywide date night events.
I can see them in my head. A couple walks up to a crowd energized by uplifting music, food trucks, corn hole, and Instagram booths.
Once they enter the doors, the music is still up, and beach balls are in the air. They’re greeted by a fun host and experience a program of music, laughter, and a message that becomes the launch of something great for their marriage.
The event is not the thing. It’s the start of the thing—an app that customizes and cues them to think in a way that helps them to love better for a full year.
Times are changing—especially when it comes to marriage. In 1995, 58% of U.S. adults were actively married, but only 53% were married in 2019, according to Pew Research. On the surface, that may not sound like much. But that same study also showed that the number of adults living with a romantic partner is now higher than the number of people who have ever been married.
Why the shift? Could it be that biblical perspectives of marriage are losing influence in our culture? Or that people are scared their marriages will end in heartbreak and separation?
Whatever the reason, we’re grateful for people like Ted Lowe who are recognizing that God has so much more—and so much good—for marriage than our culture lets on.
More than anything, many married people today need hope. And who can provide that better than Jesus?
Ted Lowe is a speaker, author, and the director of MarriedPeople.org, an organization with the mission of helping you do marriage better. Prior to founding MarriedPeople, he served for almost 10 years as the director of MarriedLife at North Point Community Church in Alpharetta, Georgia. Ted’s latest book for married couples is Us In Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage. A graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary, in Pasadena, California, he now lives in Cumming, Georgia, with his five favorite people: his wife, Nancie, and their four children.
