Gary Thomas

5 min read ⭑

In real life, you and your spouse may get the most out of celebrating Christmas by doing very different things. I’m a huge fan of Christmas. Celebrating the birth of our Lord is worthy of extended focus, but depending on your “sacred pathway,” you may draw meaning from activities that don’t do much for your spouse. In the next few blog posts, we’re going to go through the sacred pathways (from the book of the same name) to help you make this season even more meaningful. The great news is that knowing each other’s pathways, as well as those of your children, will help make the celebration special for everyone. These aren’t exclusive ideas; you can incorporate many of them in the same house.

Naturalists

If you’re a naturalist, you’re likely going to want to cut down your own tree. An artificial tree may be more convenient, and in the long-run, perhaps even cheaper, but you’ll miss the opportunity of hiking out into the woods (you’ll avoid grocery store parking lot pop-up stores if you can), and cut it down. And once that tree is in your house, you’ll want to smell it, not just see it. If you’re married to (or raising) a naturalist and are worried about the needles falling and having to dispose of the tree in January, give a little on this one. The hassles may not be worth it to you, but they will be to your spouse or child.

Evening walks or sitting out on the porch could be your most cherished times of worship. Looking up at the stars (that now come out so early) and thinking of the star that marked Christ’s birth will fill your heart.

If you’re fortunate enough to be in a place that gets snow, keep Isaiah 1:18 at the front of your mind: “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”

I like to walk in the dark during Advent so I can ruminate on Isaiah 9:2: “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”

Winter is a much different experience for naturalists than spring or summer, so embrace the natural spiritual messages that this stark season offers.

Sensates

If you’re a sensate, your best avenue to worship usually incorporates the five senses: taste, touch, sound, smell and sight. Christmas seems designed for someone like you. You can thank God for the unusually flavorful tastes and smells of the season with bread, coffees, cookies and candies. Pause to think about how God is so good that he doesn’t just give us “fuel” for our bodies; he created us with the delightful capability of relishing each bite. Our potential to enjoy what we eat speaks a lot about the kind of God our Creator is.

You’re likely to feel reverence if the room is dark and you’re sitting in front of a lit tree. Bask in the wonder, the ceremony, the meaning… And if you can smell a candle in the background and hear some orchestral or other music proclaiming the truths of this season, you’re going to feel very full spiritually, indeed. Think less TV and more moments like this that engage your senses rather than putting them to sleep.  

More things to ponder: a crackling log in the fireplace, your favorite soft and comfy morning clothes, a festive place to sit, and your devotional time “cathedral” will be set. Don’t just decorate the house for how it looks, though. Think about creating a festive place to specifically meet with God that you naturally want to gravitate to early in the morning or late at night. What senses do you need to unlock so that your worship will be at its’ most attentive level? Create a place that fosters that.

Traditionalists

As a person who embraces ritual and symbol, celebrating advent is tailor made for traditionalists. Get that advent calendar and make it a daily ritual to read the Scripture or eat the candy.

At the start of Advent, have your own advent wreath with the appropriate candles ready to be lit. Henri Nouwen offers a tremendous prayer with which to begin Advent:

Lord Jesus,
Master of both the light and the darkness, send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas.
We who have so much to do and seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day,
We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us.
We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of your kingdom.
We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of your presence.
We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking the light.
To you we say, “Come Lord Jesus!”
Amen.

If you’re a true traditionalist, you’ll already know that you’ll read that prayer every week you light a new candle, not just once.

You’ll probably appreciate having a creche in a very visible spot, particularly one that has meaning for you through the years. A quick suggestion to younger couples: if you want to have a lifelong manger scene (and traditionalists usually do), buy a couple of extra figurines of “baby Jesus.” Toddlers and puppies steal baby Jesus all the time. And a manger scene isn’t really a manger scene without Jesus…

If you’re married to a traditionalist, accommodate their need to get the tree on a certain day or go through a certain ritual on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas morning. The present will always be connected to the past for them, so the more you can let the past in, the more meaningful it will be for your traditionalist.

Christmas, of course, is made for symbols: candles in the window, lights, an angel or star on top of the tree and houses lit up throughout the neighborhood. When Lisa and I were in Europe one summer, I watched her be mesmerized by a famous painting of Mary and baby Jesus. I took a quick photo of the artist and name of the painting and found out that you can get amazingly good (and not as expensive as you might think) reproductions painted these days. Perhaps you’ll have a favorite painting or two that you bring out every Christmas season.

If you’re married to or raising a traditionalist, accommodate their need to have rituals and symbols, and you’ll increase their enjoyment and worship in this season.

Ascetics

Ascetic believers are those who make us think of monks and nuns. They like to get away and be alone for their most intense worship, they tend to be strict in their life and practice, and they usually prefer austerity over ornamentation, all of which means they are likely to wake up before (or stay up later than) anyone else so that they can worship in private. The fact that it gets darker sooner and stays darker longer is a plus for ascetics, as the dark is the perfect backdrop for ascetics to get lost in the interior form of worship that they prefer.

Unlike a sensate, if you’re an ascetic, you’re probably not going to be moved by a glitzy display of lights and decorations. You prefer a comfortable, quiet place where you won’t be distracted or disturbed. I’ve been known, when sharing a hotel room with my wife, to scope out the nooks and crannies of a hotel to find a place in the morning to get away for a little bit. As your family decorates the house, let them know you’d like one little corner to be free of distracting sights, sounds or smells.

One of the favored acts of ascetics includes night watches. If you’re not an ascetic, you probably don’t get it. M. Basil Pennington points out that “the value and effect of watching can only be known by experience.” This is the season, above all others, to enjoy night watches. For some reason I don’t fully understand, the night just seems holier during advent. I don’t know why, and I can’t defend that thought, but to me, it certainly feels that way.

Another practice for ascetics is being still (silent). You need the quiet, and you get spiritually “tired” if you’re always conversing, especially if it’s small talk. If you’re spending time with the extended family (not as likely this year, I guess), you’re probably going to have to get away for a bit. If you’re married to an ascetic, make this as easy as possible for your spouse. The family doesn’t have to be together twenty-four hours a day to be an intimate family. Give your loved one permission and even encouragement to get spiritually charged up by getting into a quiet place where they don’t have to talk for a bit.

Fasting is going to be difficult in this season, especially during a family celebration, but you can practice obedience, another favored practice of ascetics. Let your “gift” to Jesus be an act of surrendering something you’ve been stubbornly holding onto that you know isn’t pleasing or glorifying to God.  Mentally wrap it, present it to your Savior, and walk in the intimacy that follows.

Activists

The challenge for activists is that the family celebration time on Christmas day may feel a little bit like an interruption to what “really matters,” which is why your activist family member will be the first to suggest you spend Christmas afternoon at a soup kitchen or passing out warm blankets to the homeless (which aren’t entirely bad ideas).

Your presents to others may include gifts to international development ministries in their names or books on current topics. Just be aware that giving White Fragility to anyone who watches Tucker Carlson probably isn’t going to end well. Don’t let your activism break apart what is supposed to be a time of family togetherness and celebration. Most people will crave a break from a raucous year of activism and news packed with controversial debates. If you think it’s important to give a provocative book to a relative, wait until New Year’s. There’s no law that says you can’t give gifts after Christmas. Don’t let your activism spoil the day for others.

For you, your greatest excitement is probably going to come from what happens before and after Christmas day. Perhaps you’ll be a lead person to bring food and toys to disadvantaged communities, such as the program sponsored by Second Baptist Church in Houston, Texas called Angels of Light.

To stay grounded, re-read passages of Scripture that speak of Christ’s coming into the world as a promise of setting things right, such as Luke 14:66ff:

“He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day, he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
    and recovering of sight to the blind,
    to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor. (Luke 4:18,19, ESV)

 Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. He began by saying to them, ‘Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.’”

If you grow discouraged that you seem to be the only person in your family who “truly cares” and who asks himself or herself, “How can we give each other expensive presents and enjoy luxurious feasting when there is so much injustice going on!” just remember that Jesus occasionally took his disciples aside for special meals and times of rest and that he even went to a party or two (not to mention supplying wine at a wedding reception). It may be impossible for you to turn the activist in you off, but you can turn it down a few notches. There are 364 other days in the year when you can be fully engaged in your cause du jour.  Enjoy your family and celebrate the Savior who stood up for justice as no one else ever has or ever will. Besides, when you honor your grandparents by making the day joyful and celebratory instead of filled with conflict and arguments, you win God’s heart: “Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress…” (James 1:2)

Also remember that life is about glorifying Jesus more than it is about glorifying your cause. This is a day to remember Jesus, to celebrate Jesus and to worship Jesus. He’s the reason you care, so it’s wise to give a day remembering, celebrating, adoring and worshiping him.

Caregivers

Christmas was made for you caregivers in that the season celebrates giving and acts of kindness. It might seem weird to give neighbors free food or shovel their walkways during other times of the year, but during Christmas, it becomes a way to celebrate the season, so go for it!

If you’re married to a caregiver, don’t be surprised if they want to invite a widow, a friend in recovery or some kind of outcast who would otherwise be alone on this day. That person may not “fit” into your family, but let your caregiver worship God by wanting to include someone else. They know they can’t feed and invite everyone, but they’ll enjoy the day so much more if they know they can make it more special for at least one other person.

If there’s a widow on your block, offer to hang her lights or bring in her Christmas tree. Do her shopping if she’s afraid of leaving the house. I love giving presents to my family members, but just as much, I treasure those moments when our family “adopts” another family. Last Christmas, we went to Costco to pick up some much-needed items in the middle of Second’s outreach, “Angels of Light.” I passed a church member whose cart was filled with almost the exact same items.

“Angels of Light?” I asked.

“Of course!” he laughed.

Any guilt about spoiling a family member is eased a little bit when you know you’ve also invested in another family’s joy and celebration.

Your caregiving spouse is going to bring extra food to the family gathering, even though they’ve been told not to. And even if there was a “drawing” for Christmas gifts, you can bet the caregiver will have a few extra presents to hand out. “It’s not really a gift; I just saw it and thought you’d like it.”

A woman I work with has a wonderful “ministry” on the side that has blessed my family immeasurably. She’s the Zen master of Christmas gift wrapping and loves to do it. The first year my wife was very impressed but also very suspicious, so I fessed up about who really wrapped it. Lisa loved having such nicely wrapped gifts to put in front of the tree, though, so I’m inclined to take advantage of that caregiver’s heart year after year. She’s become a Christmas tradition in our family!

Whether your gift is shoveling snow, hanging up lights, cutting firewood, baking cookies, visiting someone who is going to be in the hospital or prison, you’re going to hang on to Jesus’ challenging words to his disciples: “You give them something to eat” (Matt. 14:16).

Another good passage for you to meditate on (which you probably already know by heart) is Matthew 25: 35-40:

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”

 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’”

 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

Enthusiasts

Enthusiasts thrive on celebration and mystery, and Christmas can be full of both. During the month of December, it feels like much of the world is celebrating with us during this “most wonderful time of the year.” You’ll probably have Christmas songs playing before Thanksgiving leftovers are consumed. You’ll also likely be the family member pushing others to get the Christmas decorations out as soon as possible.

Because enthusiasts tend to be more relational in their worship (celebration is more fun when you’re sharing it with others), if you’re married to an enthusiast, you best be prepared to attend a songfest or two, church services given over to singing carols, or (in other years, but perhaps not this one due to COVID 19) house parties, and public performances of the Messiah or Nutcracker. If enthusiasts get together with friends and family members they are often hoping for lots of laughter, singing and celebration — happy times!

Christmas also lends itself to the supernatural mystery that marks many enthusiasts. The popular phrase “it’s a Christmas miracle!” leads right into your preferred pathway. Ask God to help you make a difference in another family’s life, surprising them with food or clothing or gifts. You want to be used by God in ways that go beyond natural understanding — the kind of person who wants to pass on a divine encouragement, offer an unexpected visit at just the right time or make a phone call exactly when it’s needed. Your “gift giving” may be small but momentous events like these where you hope God will use you in spontaneous and surprising ways to bless others during this holiday season.

The very “act” of Christmas touches both sides of your passion for God — celebrating that something so wondrous happened and marveling at the mystery: God became a baby? God in flesh? Give yourself time to celebrate and marvel throughout this season.

Contemplatives

Contemplatives are known for the emotional heart of their faith. They major in adoration and are happy to sit at God’s feet and spend much time alone in his presence. Today, Christmas is often viewed as a “busy” season, but over-activity is the death knell of the contemplative’s faith. He or she needs time, space and quiet to connect with God. You can’t “feel” for your Savior if you are wrapped up in anxiety, a never-ending to-do list, or attending a long string of parties that keep you preoccupied and up late.

Contemplatives will remind themselves and us that Christmas is, above all, an act of love. “For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son…” (John 3:16). They want to receive Christmas as a statement of love, an act of love and the embodiment of love. Accordingly, their worship will focus on responding to and returning that love. While others are often singing songs, having parties, buying gifts, attending extra church services or doing good deeds, the contemplative wants God to know that he still has their heart, their first affection and their focus and that they want, more than anything, to spend time alone with him, looking on his face and drinking up his love.

For instance, they may slip out of a Christmas party and go into the backyard alone just to tell Jesus, “I love you.” Their very favorite present to give might be something creative that they offer to God.

In the book “Sacred Pathways,” I recount how, as a teen, I gave an anonymous Christmas Eve gift to a family. The anonymous part was essential for the gift to be received as a gift primarily to God. Contemplatives cherish “secret acts of devotion.” If you’re musical, you may create your own song celebrating the birth of Christ; what makes it an anonymous gift is that it’s a song that you’ll not share with anyone else. You may write a poem and burn it in a holy flame. You may give an anonymous gift to someone in need. Though the “secret acts of devotion” will differ, the motivation will be the same: by giving anonymously, you’re giving one hundred percent to and for God out of love for God.

If you’re a contemplative, give yourself a few opportunities to meditatively pray through the events surrounding the birth of Christ (Matthew 1:18-2:18; Luke 2:1-40). Take a couple of weeks to do this so you don’t have to rush past a single event in the Christmas story. Revel in the love of God that each act exhibits. Consider the love Mary had for Jesus and the love the baby Jesus had for Mary. What about Joseph? And those who visited him? Don’t miss the joy and exuberance of the angels.

You can still participate in others’ singing, gift-giving and party-attending, but you’ll come out of this season most fulfilled if you come out of it feeling loved and believing you have correspondingly grown in your own love for God.

Intellectuals

One of the best ways to awaken an intellectual’s heart is to engage his or her mind. When intellectuals understand something new about God, they gain greater respect and appreciation for him and it increases their zeal for worship. The fact that God really did become “man in flesh” matters; not for the sake of argument, but for the sake of wonder. The fact that Jesus was born “of a virgin” matters. They won’t settle for superficial or sentimental agreements, as if truth is an afterthought. They will likely be more precise about the chronological timeline of the Christmas story (such as the delayed arrival of the wise men) and will want to be clear about what actually happened and when. If you set up a nativity scene and they keep moving the wise men out of the manger scene while the shepherds are present, now you know why! (If you’ve read my book, you may remember me recounting three scholars vigorously debating the location of the Sheep Gate in ancient Jerusalem.)

While others are singing the same old Christmas carols, intellectuals are likely to spend their time reading a solid Advent devotional. One option is a book put together by my alma mater, Regent College; “The Cradle and the Cross: A Regent College Advent Reader” (which I contributed to) can be obtained through the Regent College bookstore (bookstore@regent-college.edu). There’s also a devotional based on the Christmas sermons of Charles Spurgeon; intellectuals know you can’t go wrong with Spurgeon: “Joy to the World: Daily Readings for Advent.” Popular writers such as Tim Keller, Rick Warren and Paul David Tripp have each written their own advent devotional books, so you’re not likely to run out of new material any time soon.

For family gatherings and celebrations, let the intellectual do a little bit of teaching. My extended family would do this for me, even though I’m sure I got far more out of it than any of them did. Putting thoughts together in a coherent enough fashion to share them with others will help intellectuals enter into a more fervent time of adoration and worship. Intellectuals have to “put up” with more than their share of Christmas carols that aren’t theologically accurate or depictions that don’t correlate with Scripture (there’s not a single instance of a feminine angel in the Bible). So, if you can give them just a few minutes to put their thoughts in the right place, their hearts will follow.

Putting it All Together

If you’ve still got children at home, consider reading through the past three blog posts together and setting an agenda to worship Jesus this holiday season by incorporating each family member’s personal preference. Letting your children choose their favorite worship activities will help you get to know them, and it will make them feel known and understood. It will also broaden your entire family’s experience of Christmas.

Gary Thomas is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the study of Scripture, church history and the Christian classics to foster spiritual growth and deeper relationships within the Christian community. You can stay in touch with Gary and his latest work through Simply Sacred, his Substack.

Taken from “Celebrate Christmas Your Way” by Gary Thomas. Copyright © 2020. Used by permission of the author.

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