8 min read ⭑

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

I’m writing this from my favorite spot in a local café called Neighbor’s Mill Bakery & Cafe in Rogers, Arkansas. The table is wedged into a corner but has a view of the whole restaurant. I’m an introvert who likes to observe, and I come here so often the owner brought my almond milk latté (my go-to order) while I was still standing in line.

My coffee habit started at age 16 when I had breakfast with my grandparents the morning after a late night with my youth group friends. My sweet Nana saw me yawn, shoved her fresh cup of coffee across the table, and said, “Here, you need this!”

These same grandparents owned a Christian bookstore in a small town in South Texas. I grew up as a little girl with big stacks of books, dreaming of being a writer. In college, I became an intern for DaySpring Cards, the Christian subsidiary of Hallmark.

The work was fun and creative, my colleagues the most encouraging people on earth, and the coffee free. It was a good season.

Then about a decade ago, I stepped out on my own to start writing books, and cafés like this one became my new office. This morning I’m alone, but I often have a friend typing next to me, or I meet up with a local writers group I created called The Word Girls. I’ve come to associate coffee with connection, starting with my Nana, continuing into my early working years, and even on this very day.

I often find myself saying I’d like to have coffee with my readers, and I think it’s because most of the most meaningful connections in my life have happened over coffee. Who wants to join me?

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So, what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?

It’s a hot Texas morning, the air thick with humidity. I’m 9 and meeting up with my best friend, a boy named Cody who lives a couple of streets over.

We both carry nets and circle ponds on the golf course in our neighborhood. We’re looking for tiny green turtles the size of quarters, which we’ll scoop up and bring home to live in a baby pool on my back porch. When they get bigger, we’ll release them again.

Fast forward a few decades, and I step onto the trail behind my house that I walk every day. I start by going to the edge of a pond and circling it, causing fat bullfrogs and a line of turtles to sprint for the water. I don’t have a net anymore, but one day I find a bullfrog sitting along a fence. I pick him up with glee and carry him back to the shore.

I’ve always been a tomboy, a turtle collector and a frog catcher. I’m happiest when I’m in the pursuit of something — a dream, goal, idea, connection with another person. I experience delight when I witness a part of God’s creation fulfilling his design for it, whether that’s a turtle swimming or someone suddenly realizing that it’s a beautiful, powerful thing to be an introvert or extrovert.

When my book launched, my family asked what I wanted to do. My answer? Go to a petting zoo with Eula, my 3-year-old granddaughter. Forget big stages and fancy parties — I’d still rather catch turtles and feed goats with my people.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human too. We're just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

In third grade, I started asking to go to the nurse’s office. I’d lay down on a little blue cot and stare at the ceiling. I had frequent stomachaches, and my parents took me to a doctor for a variety of tests. The answer? A shrug of the shoulders and the vague word “stress.”

It wouldn’t be until my 20s that I sat in the office of a counselor who told me, “You have anxiety.” I’ve come to understand since then that this is simply part of my story. As an introvert with a highly sensitive nervous system, anxiety will always be a vulnerability for me.

At first, this caused me shame. But then I became a life coach, counselor and author who interacted with many other people who had anxiety like me.

These people were also empathetic, intelligent, creative and exceptionally kind.

I came to see who I was on a continuum. In the middle are core parts of who God made me, like my sensitive nervous system. The left side of the continuum would be labeled “struggle,” and that’s where my anxiety resides. The right side would be labeled “strength,” and that’s where qualities like empathy belong.

I realized the key to change in our lives isn’t getting rid of parts of who we are, but instead learning to take small steps away from our struggles and toward our strengths. Our weaknesses aren’t reasons for shame; they’re proof we’re warriors.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours? 

When I told my Mom I was writing a book about introverts, she said, “Of course you are! In 4th grade, you read a book about birth order, created an assessment, analyzed all your friends and used it for your science project.”

But I didn’t hear the actual word “introvert” until college. I can recall all the details of that moment, how I sat cross-legged on a gray carpet at a campus ministry meeting listening to a guest speaker, the way the whole world seemed to shift with one sentence.

For a long time, I only understood what I didn’t like as an introvert (lots of small talk) or didn’t want (to go to crowded parties every night). Only later as a life coach, counselor and author would I begin to discover the untold story of introvert strengths.

I’ve now spent years researching what it truly means to be an introvert. Spoiler alert: It really has nothing to do with people; it’s about how our brains and nervous systems are wired. That led to my newest book, “The Powerful Purpose of Introverts: Why the World Needs You to Be You.” It’s for introverts and anyone who loves, leads or shares life with one.

I want everyone, introvert and extrovert, to be exactly who God created them to be. That’s why I’m passionate about empowering my fellow introverts to understand their strengths and purpose. I believe what we have to offer is needed more than ever before, that we’re introverts for such a time as this.

P.S. None of us is 100% introvert or extrovert. You can take the one-minute “What % Introvert Are You?” quiz on holleygerth.com to reveal the introvert in you!

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

I experience God most in my work when I’m listening. This sometimes looks like walking on the trail I mentioned and suddenly having an idea come to mind. It happens in meaningful conversations with other people. I experience it when I’m reading and mentally exploring.

I’ll confess that, as an introvert, I often don’t feel fully at home in church. The loud music, crowds and many group activities can overwhelm me. For a long time, I worried this meant something was wrong with my faith.

Then I read the book “Sacred Pathways” by Gary Thomas, in which he describes nine different ways of connecting with God. I got through eight of the pathways and thought, “Uh-oh.” The final pathway is one called “intellectual” and it described connecting with God through ah-ha moments.

I felt an instant sense of recognition and relief. Sometimes when I’m writing, it’s as if all the pieces of a puzzle come together. After collecting many thoughts in many places, suddenly they come together, and I see God’s hand in all of it. Those are holy moments for me.

For some people, faith is very outward, and that’s a beautiful thing. But for me, and many other introverts, faith is inward and happens in the quiet of our hearts and minds. I’ve come to understand that’s not only okay, it delights God because that’s how he created me to connect with him.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So, spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?

I’m holding my grandson Clem in my arms, and he smiles for the first time. I whisper to myself, “Don’t miss the miracle of this.” Being a Mama and Nana is my normal now, but for a long time, it seemed like an impossible dream. When Mark and I got married, we assumed starting a family would be easy. But years of infertility shattered the plans we made. I spent a lot of time crying in bathrooms and asking God what in the world he was thinking. One day I saw a television program about kids who age out of the foster system. When people asked if we’d thought about adopting, I started saying, “If we do, we’ll adopt a 20-year-old.” A friend of mine replied to that by telling me about a new organization in our community, Saving Grace, for girls who aged out of the foster system or would otherwise be homeless.

Life got busy and years later I went to a banquet for Saving Grace. I connected with a 20-year-old named Lovelle. Over the next few months, it became clear to my husband and me that she was the daughter God planned for us all along. Seven years have gone by since then. Lovelle married and now has two kids, our granddaughter Eula, who’s 3, and little Clem, who’s only a few months old. While I’m holding Clem, Eula dances to the song “Everybody Needs Somebody” by the Blues Brothers — her favorite. Lovelle laughs as she watches from the couch, and this ordinary living room feels like holy ground. These people are my somebodies. I’m so grateful God didn’t give me what I wanted because I would have missed out on more than I could have imagined.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are some resources that have impacted you?

A few years ago, I found myself on the brink of burnout and Greg McKeown’s book “Essentialism” helped me reevaluate my life and become more intentional about the choices I made.

My go-to audio resource is Gretchen Rubin’s “Happier” podcast. I love her combination of insight, information and practical application. I also love self-awareness tools and Gretchen has a framework called “The Four Tendencies.” It reveals how we respond to inner and outer expectations. I found it eye-opening personally and now use it with every coaching client I have as well. (You can take it here.)

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it's done for you.

My must-have resource lately is a weighted blanket. Research shows that weighted blankets calm our nervous systems, especially when we’re in flight-or-fight mode (as we all have been the past few months). I sleep with one and also use it at other times, like when I’m curled up on the couch. You can get a variety of colors, sizes, etc. This one is my favorite.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So, give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future? 

I worked on “The Powerful Purpose of Introverts” for years, and I saw the launch date as a finish line, but I’m realizing it’s actually a starting one.

I love getting messages from introverts saying the book has transformed the way they see themselves, or from extroverts sharing how much it has helped their relationships. That motivates me to keep getting this message out there however I can. I don’t know exactly what that looks like, but I’m doing a lot of dreaming about it right now!

Releasing this book has been one of the most exciting and scary things I’ve ever done. I now understand that the fear never goes away. Fear simply means what we’re doing matters to us.

I also never fully feel like I know what I’m doing, and I hope I never do. Because when we step outside our comfort zone and into a challenge zone, we’re always going to have uncertainty. While it’s uncomfortable, it also means we’re growing.

In many ways, I’m still that 9-year-old girl doing quirky science projects and catching turtles with her friends. I always want to be in pursuit of what God has next for me. Whatever you’re pursuing, too, I’m cheering you on!

Who we are — our interests, strengths, personalities — is a gift from God. Thankfully, God doesn’t have a personality mold that he puts us in once we accept Christ, and being an extrovert or introvert doesn’t make us better or worse Christians than someone else. And just as Holley pointed out, God can take even our natural weaknesses and turn them around for his glory. Speaking of personalities … have you taken the introvert quiz yet? If not, head on over to holleygerth.com and tell us what you get!

Holley Gerth loves humans, words and good coffee. She’s a Wall Street Journal bestselling author, life coach and counselor with a Master of Science degree in Mental Health. Holley also co-founded the groundbreaking online community (in)courage, which had almost 1 million page views in its first six months, and co-hosts the More Than Small Talk podcast. Her newest release is The Powerful Purpose of Introverts: Why the World Needs You to Be You. Find out more and connect with Holley at holleygerth.com.

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