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QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

In the spring of 2020, my wife turned 50. She’s precisely three years and one day older than me (my cougar!), and I wanted to make sure we celebrated her well. She is — and don’t argue with me on this one — the most thoughtful human being I’ve ever met. When Kristen makes friends, they go deep. No shallow, surface-level friendships for my wife.

For her 50th, we had a great time gathering with our closest friends to celebrate her milestone birthday. We lived in Richardson, Texas, a suburb just north of Dallas, Texas, and had Kristen’s birthday dinner at our house. We had this killer back patio — covered and screened in — with barely enough room to sit 30 of our closest friends. I honestly can’t remember what we ate, but I can tell you exactly who was there and why we gathered. This back patio was our favorite part of our old house. A friend designed and built it and transformed it from a partially rotted back deck into the place where we spent many nights with friends. Our family of six (my wife, me, and our four sons) ate many meals and watched countless college football games on this patio. We also played games, read our Bibles, counseled couples and made memories there.

In the summer of 2020, we moved from Dallas to Waco just a few weeks after this birthday gathering. While we love our new hometown and friends, as Ben Rector says, you can’t make “old friends.” That night, we celebrated my favorite person on the planet over food, drinks, stories, toasts, tears and laugh-until-you-cry moments with our “old friends.” I look forward to many similar moments with new friends in our new hometown.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?

No one will ever accuse me of being a “fun guy.” I'm an Enneagram 3 (achiever) and don’t have many hobbies. My hobbies are directly related to my job as a marriage pastor. I like to read (about marriage) and write (about marriage). I’m not a wild and crazy guy.

But every summer, my family spends a week at Pine Cove Camp with the family. I proudly told people when we moved to Texas that we would never go to family camp. To be honest, it sounds like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of in my life. But as often is the case, I was wrong. Not just a little wrong, but really wrong. Some friends convinced us to go, and we haven’t missed a week of family camp in 10 summers. It’s typically the highlight of our year. We’ve taken a big family trip to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, but I would still choose a one-week vacation at family camp.

One of the reasons I love camp is that it’s just so stinking fun. For a week, we laugh, make new friends, make memories as a family and grow spiritually. My favorite activity we do is called Silent Disco. For those of you who have never tried it, it may not sound like fun (that’s what I thought before I tried it), but it’s a blast. It’s hard to explain well, but everyone puts on over-the-ear headphones. Each set of headphones has three channels (red, blue and green). Each channel plays a different kind of music (e.g., ’80s, contemporary pop, wedding dance, country line dance). You choose which channel you want to listen to and dance and party like it’s 1999! Everyone around you is dancing and singing as well. Someone is listening to “Love Story” by Taylor Swift, another listens to “Come On Eileen” by Dexys Midnight Runners and a third person line dances to “Cotton Eye Joe” by Rednex. It’s a blast.

There’s something about this activity that makes me lose my inhibitions and fear of what others think of me. For a brief period of time, I just dance and sing and don’t care what people think! It just doesn’t matter when those headphones are on. There’s something really enjoyable about this activity. It always makes me want to dance more, sing more, and laugh more. It grows my affections for Jesus and spurs me on to want to have more fun when I get home from camp. Somehow the Lord uses these fun, goofy moments to grow my affections for himself and for others.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

When I was 11 years old, I found a bag of jelly beans in my stepdad’s old office desk, which was in our basement. My biological dad passed away when I was 6 years old, and my mom remarried my stepdad four years later. I have no idea how old the jelly beans were, but I found them, and they were all mine. For some reason, I ate from the bag and then hid them in a secret place. I continued to eat all the jelly beans and then hid the trash deep in the trash can so that no one knew about them.

It’s a weird memory because there’s nothing wrong with eating jelly beans. But for some reason, this experience started a lifelong battle of hiding my eating from others. For decades now, it’s been common for me to drive by a convenience store, pick up some chips, candy or chocolate, and then consume them and hide my eating from others. I’ve become quite adept over the years at hiding what I’ve eaten from others. I’ve mastered the tricks of pocketing food when no one’s looking, snacking when no one’s around and scarfing down food from fast-food restaurants. The peak of my “hiding my eating” activities came when I found myself hiding chocolate bars in my pocket and then eating them behind closed bathroom stall doors.

My kryptonite is my weight, but there’s no way to hide it. It’s right there for everyone to see. Sometimes we can hide our sin struggles, but the whole world sees mine.

One of the best decisions I ever made was when I confessed my hidden eating habits to others. I preached a sermon one time and confessed to sneaking and hiding my eating. It didn’t fix all my problems, but it let some light in to my issues. I admitted my struggle and asked for help. I brought others in to help me, and I gave others permission to confess their own struggles, whether or not they’re related to food and eating.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

Over the last 16 or more years, I’ve worked at two different churches as a marriage pastor. I’m grateful for leadership at both churches who care deeply about couples in every season of life. But something I’ve learned is that most churches do nothing, or very little, to help strengthen marriages. Appropriately so, some churches will offer premarital counseling for engaged couples, and other churches may offer counseling services for couples in crisis. But the majority of churches do even less than that.

My greatest passion within my role in marriage ministry is to play good offense with couples. This means I want to be a part of strengthening marriages before the problems start. I want to help dating and engaged couples break up if they should break up, thereby sparing each other a future divorce or life of misery. I want to help strengthen healthy couples to prepare well for marriage and to help newlyweds build their lives on the solid-rock foundation of Jesus Christ.

One of the biggest problems associated with infidelity and divorce is when a couple is bored and they start to look outside of their marriage for fun. I want to help strengthen couples proactively before problems start. I want them to enjoy the gift of marriage and realize the significance of having fun, dating each other, and remembering their marriage is the best picture we have of Christ’s love for the church.

This passion led me to start writing in 2014. I started a blog to help strengthen marriages. I thought it would last a few months, but nine years later, I’m still writing. My first book, “Ready or Knot? 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage,” came out in February 2019. My second book, “The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide: 100 Prayers for Dating and Engaged Couples,” comes out in October 2023. The next book I plan on writing is for newlyweds, and a few co-workers and I recently started a marriage podcast to help strengthen relationships called “More Than Roommates.” I’m super excited about this one. It’s been a dream for six years, and it’s finally happening!

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?

I grew up in a non-Christian home, was raised by a single mom, and was full-on addicted to pornography by the age of 12. I started acting out whatever I saw in porn, and I hated myself. I became a fat, angry pervert. On the outside, I smiled and people liked me, but I was disgusted by myself and by the decisions I made. Even before becoming a follower of Christ, I knew I was making some really poor choices.

On February 13, 1998, the scales finally fell from my eyes. From the moment of my conversion, I had this sense that I would go into full-time vocational ministry. I’ve asked the Lord to help me never, ever get over his work in my life. I’ve asked his Spirit to remind me of the saving work he did in my life.

Everything I do is a credit to the work of the Lord.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?

In college I hit rock bottom and found myself a suicidal mess. I did graduate from undergrad and then headed to grad school for physical therapy. This is where I first heard the gospel, and it provided the hope I so desperately needed! I didn’t really believe yet — I guess I was really stubborn. I couldn’t believe God could forgive all my sins.

Around this time, a friend named Will started discipling me weekly and taught me to start memorizing Scripture. I was an animal with Scripture memory before I was even a believer. Scripture memorization became a keystone habit for me before trusting in Christ, and it continued in me as a new believer.

For some reason, after I trusted in Christ, I stopped memorizing Scripture on a consistent basis. For about 20 years, I would occasionally memorize a verse or chapter here or there, but I never retained anything since I didn’t review what I’d memorized.

Fast forward to 2022. A co-worker shared in a sermon that he was going to memorize a new verse every week in 2022. That was all I needed. Since March 2022, I’ve memorized one new verse every week. My goal is to memorize 52 new verses by the end of 2023.

Here’s why I love Scripture memory. It fills my brain with Truth. I love the discipline and strength it takes to memorize God’s Word. I have Scripture ready to share with others who need hope and encouragement, and I remind myself of Truth when I’m discouraged and believing lies about myself.

Memorizing Scripture is a daily habit for me. I want to replace all the junk in my brain with the Truth of God’s Word. Scripture memorization helps me get there, and I can’t wait to see what verses I get to memorize in the next 52 weeks.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?

I consider myself to be a constant learner, so this is a fun question to answer since I’ve benefited so greatly from the wisdom, skills and resources of others. I’ll try to pick just three!

In the beginning of 2022, I heard a preacher say he was going to memorize one new passage every week so that by the end of 2022 he would have memorized 52 new verses! I took a page from his book and started memorizing Scripture weekly. Currently, I’m using Bible Memory Project daily to memorize Scripture. My goal is 52 verses for 2023.

I struggle with negative thoughts about myself. I’ll say things like, “I suck at casting vision,” or “I suck at leading teams.” These phrases are just not true, they make me seem like a victim who blames others instead of someone who takes responsibility for his own actions, and they make everyone around me feel really uncomfortable. Typically, my problem comes down to pride, where I think about myself too often and I think too lowly about myself. For this reason, I read “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness” by Tim Keller every year at least one time. It helps me to dwell on truth and to think more about the Lord and others.

A third resource is the book of the Bible overviews from BibleProject. The quality of their work is incredible, and the value of their work is even better. The BibleProject team does a great job of producing helpful, high-quality videos on every book of the Bible and much more.

Also, I’m biased because it’s my home church, but we currently release three weekly podcasts. The first consists of our weekly sermons from Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco/McGregor, Texas. Our pastor is a guy named Jonathan “JP” Pokluda, and he is one of the most effective communicators I’ve ever heard. He and two other co-hosts do a weekly podcast for young adults called “Becoming Something.” And two co-workers and I just started a marriage podcast called “More Than Roommates.” You can find all three podcasts on your favorite podcast app!

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it’s done for you.

I’ve been doing daily quiet times for a long time (since even becoming a believer). My friend Will discipled me into some habits of Bible reading, prayer and Scripture memory on a daily basis. For the last year, I’ve been using a resource called the Kairos Journal. There’s nothing special about the layout, but it’s been an integral part of my quiet times the last few years.

Every day, I write down the current verse I’m memorizing and three things I’m grateful for. I write out my prayers for the day and then take notes on what I’m learning in the Word. The resource looks great and is well-designed. It’s been a game-changer for my time with the Lord!

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

In less than six months, I’ll turn 50 years old. For my entire existence on this planet, 50 seemed ancient to me! My dad passed away from heart disease when he was 39, so he never made it even near 50. But in a few months, I’ll be there, and I’ve got some mixed emotions about it.

Part of me wonders if I still have anything to add to the world. Am I washed up? Are my best days behind me? It’s been a good run, and I have lots to be grateful for. But will I be “pushed aside” for someone younger, cooler and more relevant? Someone who can better connect with the next generation? Maybe even someone who’s not so old school in the way he thinks and lives?

The other part of me thinks I’m just getting started. Now I finally have something to say, some credibility, and lots of gray-haired wisdom to offer the world. I’ve got over 21 years of marriage in the rear-view mirror and four teenage sons who are each doing well in every aspect of life. I have something to say, and the best days are in front of me.

In the past, I leaned toward the former point of view — that it’s time to pass the baton on to someone else. But most days, and increasingly more often, I believe it’s the latter — that the best days are yet to come. It’s time for me to truly mentor the next generation and pass on to others what’s been passed on to me. I have multiple books in the works for the future, all in the marriage space, and I can’t wait to get some of this wisdom down so I can pass it on to others.

I have a deep passion to crush all the negative trends about marriage in our culture. What if we lived in a world where marriage was once again esteemed and where we didn’t cheapen marriage according to the world’s or the government’s view? What if porn didn’t exist and rule our lives any longer? What if divorce became a thing of the past? I can’t imagine anything else I’d rather give my life to than helping others fall more deeply in love with Jesus so that they can fall more deeply in love with their spouses.

Scott reminds us that flooding our minds with Scripture daily will drive out the lies that keep us struggling in secret and help us cling to truth and walk in freedom. What habits can you form in your life that will lead you into God’s truth on a daily basis? Are there areas in your life where you can allow others into the struggle with you? How can the resources Scott recommends help you develop healthy rhythms of Scripture memorization and journaling?  

When we dive daily into Scripture, we encounter God’s Word, and it changes us from the inside out. Our marriages and relationships benefit as we live from the overflow of his love for us.

Scott Kedersha. Follower of Jesus. Husband to Kristen and dad to four young men. Marriage pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas. Author of Ready or Knot? and The Ready or Knot Prayer Guide (October 2023) and co-host of the More Than Roommates Podcast. Writer at ScottKedersha.com.

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