Jim Daly

Focus on the Family

A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.

Q: I have a co-worker who doesn’t carry her share of the load. She’s constantly on the phone, scrolling social media or talking with friends, and passing work off on other people. It’s frustrating! But I’m afraid if I “tell on her” it would only make me look bad. What should I do?

Jim: I think most of us have experienced something like this at some point. Too many people try to avoid conflict. But ignoring the problem only leads to an explosion of emotions down the road. And even if you’re justified, losing your temper is never in your best interest.

I’d suggest that you start by dealing with yourself and identifying your feelings. You may feel disrespected, powerless or exploited — and it’s important to acknowledge this. Only then will you be ready to effectively address the problem.

Next, and as difficult as it might be, you need to go directly — and privately — to your co-worker, and share your concerns and observations. Don’t do this in anger, but with a humble spirit and an empathetic heart that seeks to understand. You may possibly be surprised to discover some personal issues, such as a family crisis, that could partially account for some of the poor or distracted behaviors.

Best case, you’ll receive a reasonable explanation and a commitment to change. But if you’re confronted with defiance or indifference, you’ll next want to involve your supervisor. Rather than go on your own, schedule a time with both your boss and the coworker. Don’t look to accuse or assign blame. Your goal should be to objectively share your observations and ask for clarity on how the workload is supposed to be divvied up. This should put your coworker on notice that you're no longer willing to enable her problematic behavior.

Q: I recently heard someone reference “sadfishing.” What is it, and what should I know as a parent?

Adam Holz, Director, Plugged In: Sadfishing might sound like a bad day on the lake. But it’s actually a term that describes people oversharing emotional struggles online.

The term sadfishing dates back to 2019. Journalist Rebecca Reid coined it to describe someone who dramatically poured out her emotions to attract sympathy. In this case, it was Kendall Jenner complaining about her “debilitating struggle” with acne (which was ultimately revealed to be a manipulative marketing ploy for skin-care products).

Since then, sadfishing has taken on a broader meaning. As it applies to adolescents on social media, sadfishing encompasses a pattern of posting dramatic, emotional posts online for the sake of attention or validation. And the pattern part is important.

Many people share emotion-laden posts. Sadfishing is when such posts become habitual. Experts suggest that a pattern like this is both a cry for attention and a warning sign that a child doesn’t have anyone to help them process their emotions.

In extreme cases, sadfishing may hint at a signal to self-harm. Phrases like “I’m at my breaking point,” “No one ever really understands,” “I just feel so alone” or “I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be around” can signal anxiety, depression and even suicidal ideation.

If we notice our kids are regularly posting attention-seeking content, how should we respond? First, resist the urge to fix or to minimize. What they need instead is our presence. We might say: “It seems like you’ve been posting some hard stuff on your Instagram account lately — do you want to talk about it?” They may decline an initial invitation. But telling them that the door is open for conversation can combat that sense of isolation that they feel.

Because what our kids are really fishing for is love. Acceptance. A listening ear. Us.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.

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