Divide Household Duties to Mutual Satisfaction
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I get really frustrated with my husband. He’s always willing to play with our children, but when it comes to the practical side of parenting — diapers, bath times, dinner — I don’t think he pulls his weight. What’s a woman to do?
Jim: This is a fairly common source of tension between moms and dads. Men and women often have different viewpoints about parenting. You may feel it’s just natural that tasks be shared, and in general, you’re correct. But it might not be so obvious for your husband. Perhaps he wasn’t expected to help around the house when he was younger. Or maybe his parents operated under clearly defined roles that now guide his thinking.
Whatever the reason, the key to resolution is communication between husband and wife. So, begin by sharing your concerns and see if, together, you can agree on ways to divide household duties to your mutual satisfaction.
If dialogue doesn’t do the trick, counselors often suggest you lay out appropriate boundaries to help motivate Dad’s involvement. For example, tell him he’ll likely have to fix his own dinner since you’ll be busy with things like feeding and bathing the kids, cleaning the house or grocery shopping. This isn’t meant to punish your husband — it’s just communicating the realities of the workload around the house. If he likes sports, you might try using “team-based” descriptions to illustrate how different players may need to change assignments based on the game situation and play design. It also helps if he sees and hears from peer dads who have grasped the concept and live it out.
Fortunately, most guys will get the picture and step up. But if this remains a source of tension in your marriage, I invite you to contact our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) or FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Q: What do I do if my child does not want to go to school?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are various reasons why kids don’t want to go to school. They may feel bored in class, or they might struggle academically. Unfortunately, a common reason is that they may be picked on or bullied. The key is exploring and discovering what’s underneath the surface.
If your child feels bored at school because it’s just too easy, brainstorm with teachers for ways to make academics a bit more challenging. This might even involve considering alternative options, if feasible, such as homeschooling, private school or a magnet school.
If your child struggles academically, validate his efforts and work together to find help. Talk with teachers and/or the school counselor about extra support. You can also look for tutoring outside of school that fits your budget.
If your child is being bullied, you must advocate for her and equip her. Again, validate her feelings and interpretation; being bullied can feel demeaning and scary, so it’s understandable why she would want to avoid school. Reserve time to attentively and patiently listen to her point of view about what’s happening. Find out if school personnel are aware of the situation and discuss possible solutions with the principal, school counselor and teachers. Keep in mind that there are generally other educational options you can choose if necessary. The main thing is that you cannot just ignore what is happening to your child.
All of these possibilities require your attentiveness and intentional involvement. Pursue understanding of your child’s behaviors rather than simply reacting to them. As a parent, your role in your children’s lives is to advocate, provide for, guide and love them through the difficulties of life. They need to overcome challenges to grow.
For more practical parenting tips, visit FocusOnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.