How to Help Teens When They Feel 'Overwhelmed'
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: We have two teenagers (son and daughter). They seem to have difficulty finishing things, like school projects or chores at home. They both say they get overwhelmed. Do you have any advice?
Jim: I like a famous quote that’s often attributed to Mark Twain: “The secret to getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
Let me share a story that illustrates how to achieve what may seem like an impossible goal, by breaking it down into smaller steps. In 1848, work began on a suspension bridge near Niagara Falls, connecting the United States and Canada. It was a daunting engineering challenge for the time. The initial difficulty was getting the bridge’s first cables across the 800-foot river gorge; the Niagara River was too swift and dangerous to pull lines across by boat.
Engineers came up with a clever solution. A 16-year-old teen named Homan Walsh flew a kite from the Canadian shore until it landed on the American side. With this accomplished, the thin kite line was used to pull a slightly thicker rope across the river. Then that rope pulled an even stronger one across. Repeating this method, the engineers were soon able to pull the first steel cable from shore to shore, and the bridge’s construction was underway. Oh, and Homan Walsh won a $10 prize — which would be worth nearly $4,000 in today’s economy — for his kite-piloting skills.
No matter our age, it’s common to become overwhelmed — whether we’re facing a significant challenge or a mundane chore. But by remembering to “fly a kite,” we can all learn to break these things into more manageable pieces — and accomplish what we need to do.
Q: My husband and I have been married 15 years. I know he isn’t a mind-reader, but after so many years I think he at least should be aware when I have a need. Having to tell him that I want to spend time together or need affection just kills the romance. I’m frustrated!
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: This is actually a source of tension for many couples. Deep inside we all know our spouses can’t read our minds, but we often act like we expect them to.
This even hits close to home for me. It’s affirming when Erin, my wife, picks up on my body language and comes alongside me in the way I’d hoped. But that won’t sustain our relationship long-term.
Marriage takes work. Successful couples strive to learn one another’s needs and cues. But they also recognize that relationships are dynamic — and each of them, wife and husband, is constantly changing. At any given moment, that means your spouse may not be aware of what you’re feeling. And if he does sense you have a need, he may not know exactly how to respond. Realistically, expecting your mate to read your mind sets up them (and your relationship) for failure.
So, tell your spouse when you need a hug, attention or a listening ear. No one is in a better position to understand — and communicate — your needs than you.
Bonus “pro tip”: one of the most enlightening things any of us can do is to occasionally reverse the roles, so to speak. In my case, that’s asking myself: “How would I feel if Erin expected of me what I’m expecting of her right now?”
If this continues to be a source of tension in your marriage, I invite you to call our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.