Jim Daly

Focus on the Family

A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.

Q: As a dad, I definitely want to make my kids a priority. But I just don't have time! What can I do?

Jim: I get it: Life is busy, and it's challenging to balance work, home and our children's activities. But I think the opportunity to engage with our kids is often right in front of us if we'll just watch for it.

When my son, Troy, was in eighth grade, I served as an assistant coach for his football team. Every time we pulled into the park where practices for various sports were being held, there were always lots of kids and lots of vehicles. But I would notice car after car with a parent sitting inside. They were usually on their phone — talking, looking at social media or playing a game to pass the time. Occasionally, I even saw a dad taking a nap. Few, if any, ever actually watched practice or even got out of the car.

I felt like those parents were missing a golden opportunity. They could have been cheering their children from the sidelines. So what if it's not an actual game? Even when the activity is something we might consider "insignificant," it's not insignificant to our kids. And most importantly, it's a chance to be engaged in their world.

Sports practice is just one of those areas, but there are many others. Spend 10 minutes reading to younger kids before bed. If they're older, take a few minutes at breakfast before you rush out the door. Bring a child along on that run to the store. The key is to look for small moments that might otherwise be wasted, and intentionally choose to spend time with your children.

For more ideas to help your family thrive, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: I'm looking forward to getting married soon. Friends have told my fiance and I to expect some "normal" disagreements. But we're worried we might fight about the wrong things. What topics are OK to argue about?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Both of you see the world through different eyes, so it's inevitable that you'll disagree on some things: money, sex, in-laws, who should do the laundry, the list goes on and on. But you can actually "fight your way to a better marriage" — in fact (semi-shameless plug), my wife and I literally wrote the book by that title.

The key here is that what you argue about is far less important than how you argue. Some couples approach fights with one goal in mind: winning at all costs. Rather than listening to one another or trying to understand each other's point of view, they go on the offensive to get their own way. That's when things can get ugly, with criticism and name calling — or, heaven forbid, even verbal or physical threats. These destructive behaviors will scar your marriage long after your disagreement has been resolved or abandoned. You're attacking your spouse, not the problem.

It's far better to pursue a solution that works as equitably as possible for both of you. When your ultimate goal is the health and well-being of your relationship, you can work through almost anything. The more complicated the issue, the more important healthy choices become. You can be stubborn, or you can be understanding. You can be self-righteous, or you can be humble. You can be defensive, or you can be open to your spouse's feelings.

Winning an argument is a hollow "victory" if you're wrecking your marriage in the process. Attack the problem, not each other, and make a strong relationship your goal. We have resources to help (including counseling consultations and referrals) at FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.