Love Needs to Be Renewed Every Day
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: My wife and I have been married for about four years. We're both a bit concerned that our relationship is already starting to seem a little stale. Is that normal? What can we do about it?
Jim: I get it. When Jean and I first started dating, she lived in Orange County and I lived in San Diego. During those courting days I was willing to go out of my way to show my interest. For example, I never even hesitated to drive 90 miles one way just to bring her dinner while she was at work. But fast-forward to the early years of our marriage, and something had changed: I was easily distracted by work and sometimes couldn't even be bothered to run an errand for her down the street!
The point is, this is fairly common. Once we're married, our human nature is to stop pursuing our spouse like we did when we were dating. That's a big reason why many couples fall "out of love" — they stop listening to each other and serving one another.
It's almost as if we think saying "I love you" one time should last forever. But love has a shelf life. It must be renewed every single day — not once a month or once a year. We can't bank on that romantic gesture we made last month or the big vacation we took last year. We need to actively show our love to each other each day.
So, if your marriage isn't what it used to be, fall back in love by treating your spouse with the same kind of dedication as you did when you were first dating. Give them your attention, listen closely, and make them a true priority in your life once again. Work on restoring the passion you once had when your relationship was new, and your feelings of love will re-grow.
Q: I love our two young children. But whenever my husband and I want to have some "alone time" for physical intimacy ... well, let's just say we often get interrupted at an inopportune moment. What can we do?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I'd say most married couples with children can totally relate: Sex can be a real challenge when little ones are in the home. You never know who may be tiptoeing just outside the bedroom door.
There are several things you can do to keep the spark alive during this stage of life. First, talk with your spouse about your expectations. In general, women tend to be more fearful of being "discovered" by the kids. Work together to create an environment that's comfortable for both spouses.
Also, strategize ways to avoid discovery. If your bedroom door has a lock, use it; if not, consider getting one. You might dig out that old baby monitor and set up a sort of early warning system. You'll probably need to get creative, like scheduling times when the littles can go see a friend or family member. A play date for the kids can provide a "play date" for mom and dad.
With all that said, there may be times when surprise interruptions occur despite your best efforts. Protect your kids' innocence as much as possible. You and your spouse might want to agree on a response beforehand, something like, "Mommy and Daddy still love each other and sometimes we get excited to spend time together."
Having children doesn't mean saying farewell to marital intimacy. In fact, it's critical that you make time for sex even during the child-rearing years. It's an important part of a healthy marriage.
For more tips to help your relationship and family thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.