Marriage is a Deeply Binding Commitment
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: My husband and I have been married for about two years. We're both already unhappy, and frankly we'd each have plenty of other options. What would you say to us before we split up?
Jim: First, the fact that you're even asking the question, rather than just divorcing, is a good sign. I'd suggest you consider this: Two-thirds of unhappy couples who stay together say their relationship is significantly better within five years. To achieve that, you and your spouse will need to make some strategic decisions.
Let me illustrate with a famous story from classic literature. In Homer's epic work, "Odyssey," Odysseus encountered the mysterious Island of the Sirens. These creatures' enchanting voices were so beautiful, they distracted sailors from their journey and imprisoned them forever. Knowing the dangers, Odysseus put wax in his crew's ears. He also ordered that he himself be tied securely to the ship's mast to prevent being lured away by the Sirens' seductive melody. Odysseus commanded his crew to remain true to their course no matter how bad their circumstances seemed.
Marriages in today's culture have become transient. Too often, we'll throw out relationships at the first sign of trouble. But marriage is a deeply binding commitment designed to help us weather our most difficult circumstances. It's a vow requiring us to "tie ourselves to the mast." You've got to dismiss the voices seeking to lure you away from your marriage or convince you that divorce is a quick fix for your troubles.
If your marriage is unhappy, it's not too late. Commit your relationship to a course of growth and healing. Sooner than you might think, you and your spouse can discover the relationship you've always dreamed of. We have plenty of resources available to help -- even if your marriage is foundering on the rocks — at FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Q: I recently gave birth, which was an amazing experience. But in the weeks since, I've found myself struggling through a dark valley of emotional exhaustion and depression. Is this normal? What can I do?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Your experience is quite normal — common, in fact. Between 50% and 80% of new moms experience a temporary emotional slump, commonly known as "baby blues." About 10% suffer from the more severe form, known as postpartum depression.
The "baby blues" usually develop during the first week after delivery. Symptoms can include irritability, anxiety, tearfulness, lack of energy, insomnia, loss of appetite and difficulty concentrating. This emotional and physical slump typically resolves within two weeks, but I would recommend not ignoring it. Emotional support and practical assistance from your husband, family and friends are extremely important to any woman suffering from the "baby blues."
Postpartum depression (PPD) is a more serious condition that can arise during the first six months after childbirth and may last for several months. A mother with PPD may be so intensely depressed that she has difficulty caring for her baby. She might develop extreme, unrealistic anxiety over the infant's health. While the problem can also resolve itself in time, further help is likely needed (as with any other major depression). Seek professional assistance if symptoms continue for more than two weeks.
If you feel you might be suffering from PPD, our staff counselors will be happy to discuss your situation with you over the phone; call 855-771-HELP (4357).
A much less common, but far more intensive, disturbance described as postpartum psychosis occurs after about one in 1,000 deliveries. This condition may include delusions and/or hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, and even violent behavior. This should be considered a medical emergency and MUST be evaluated immediately by a qualified psychiatrist. Thankfully, it can be effectively treated with appropriate medication.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.