Jim Daly

Focus on the Family

A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.

Q: My husband and I love our young children — but it often seems like we can't even find two minutes to have a meaningful conversation as a couple. Still, we feel guilty about wanting a break from the kids once in a while. Help!

Jim: This is actually a common challenge for most parents — and it's no surprise that the biggest obstacles are typically time and money. Some outside-the-box thinking and expectation adjustment can go a long way toward facilitating the needed "adult time."

For example, your budget might not allow for a weekly babysitter and restaurant dinner. If so, choose one night a week to get the kids in bed early, put a pizza in the oven, and enjoy each other's company. There are also various ways you can get creative about finding childcare in order to free yourselves up for regular dates. Grandparents or a trusted older couple from church may be eager to step in and help. Another strategy is to share and swap babysitting responsibilities with other young parents: One couple goes out while the other cares for both sets of kids; the following week, they trade places. If the cost of a night out on the town is prohibitive, grab something to go and head for the park. Relaxing and spending meaningful time together doesn't have to be expensive.

The point is: The benefits are worth the time and effort. Think back to the time you had with your spouse before your first baby arrived. My guess is that you'll recall many special moments that brought — and kept — the two of you close together. Even if you can't find the same time you once enjoyed, take whatever you can get. Make it a priority to consciously look for any and all opportunities to connect as a couple.

Q: My friend has been venting about how her teens lack critical thinking skills and are easily swayed by others' opinions. How can I help my younger children develop critical thinking skills early?

Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: This is an important question, especially in today's digital age. Kids are bombarded with clickbait, misleading data, misinformation, and strong opinions. We parents are positioned to help them develop critical thinking skills.

Here are six opportunities you can give your children to help them develop discernment from an early age:

— Think. Give your kids things to think about. Encourage puzzles or other mental challenges to develop this skill. Ask questions. For example, while shopping, talk about each item, consider pricing, and have them help determine the best choices.

— Explore. Foster curiosity in your children — and let them know when they're exploring well! Investigate subjects and issues together, digging deep for possibly hidden details.

— Wonder. Some children seem to come out of the womb asking questions, but many lose that art. By seeking answers, children gain insights, clarity and perspective. From an early age, ask questions with them. For example, "Is there another way to look at this?"

— Observe and Explain. Around the age of four, children can give an account of what happened in their experience and explain it from their point of view. Encourage them to describe and explain their experiences by using three skills — think, explore and ask questions — as they make everyday observations.

— Disagree Respectfully. Teaching kids how to disagree respectfully develops self-confidence, respect and trust. It helps them learn to think independently, explore possibilities, and pursue important questions while navigating a relationship.

— Solve problems. Allow children to tackle problems — including failing and trying again. Emphasize practice over perfection.

Modeling persistence and the pursuit of truth gives your family the space to practice these skills. For more parenting tips, visit www.FocusOnParenting.com.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.

Related Articles