How is Forgiveness Even Possible?
Lysa TerKeurst
2 min read ⭑
I wanted to obey God. But forgiveness felt so incredibly impossible with some people who had altered the course of my life with their actions. The unchangeable can feel unforgivable. There were so many betrayals, and many of the people who hurt me never owned what they did or apologized in any way. I didn’t know how forgiveness would be possible when my feelings wouldn’t sign on to this process.
Unforgiveness sometimes felt like the best way to protect my heart from getting hurt again. But resentment and bitterness were turning me into someone I didn’t want to be. Unforgiveness never leads to peace. And I knew that the only way to get to peace was to do what Jesus wanted me to do — forgive.
Forgiveness is God’s prescription to heal the hurting human heart. But I knew I would need Jesus to help me.
Tianlei Wu; Unsplash
That’s why I focus on what Jesus did on the cross and incorporate that into this process. The cross was the most holy act of forgiveness that ever took place. And it was his blood shed for our sins that was the redemptive ingredient that accomplished a forgiveness we never could have obtained or earned for ourselves.
My counselor, Jim Cress, taught me a method of dealing with forgiveness. He handed me a stack of three-by-five cards and told me to write on each card an action someone did that caused me pain. I placed the many cards face up all over the floor. Then Jim instructed me to say this over each card: “Out of obedience to God, I forgive ________ for _________. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover it.”
Then he handed me a stack of red felt squares cut slightly larger than each card. He instructed me to seal each forgiveness declaration by placing a piece of red felt over the top of the card, symbolizing the blood of Jesus and his sacrifice. I realized that cooperating with Jesus was how I would forgive.
“You deserve to stop suffering because of what someone else did to you. Forgiveness is how we find peace in the middle of hurt and betrayal.”
What a relief to know that forgiving others doesn’t depend on us. We don’t have to try to feel our way to forgiveness. Instead, we need to bring our willingness to forgive, not the fullness of all our restored feelings
Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. We make the decision to forgive the facts of what happened. That’s what I did that day with the cards. Now I had a marked moment to think back on to know with certainty that I had been obedient to God.
And when those bitter feelings return? Or when you get triggered with hurts from the past? You aren’t a forgiveness failure. That’s just evidence that you now must also walk through the process of forgiveness for the impact of what this hurtful situation has cost you. Take the time you need to process this impact and work through it. And then use the same script for how you’ve been impacted by what happened.
Remember, you deserve to stop suffering because of what someone else did to you. Forgiveness is how we find peace in the middle of hurt and betrayal.
Lysa TerKeurst is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of eight New York Times bestsellers, including Come Close to Jesus. She enjoys life with her husband Chaz and her kids and grandkids. Connect with her at www.LysaTerKeurst.com or on social media @LysaTerKeurst.
Taken from Come Close to Jesus by Lysa TerKeurst. Copyright © 2026. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.
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