Simplicity: Stressed Out by Stuff
Julia Ubbenga
4 min read ⭑
The phrase hot mess joined our vernacular back in the 1800s to describe a warm meal, especially a gloopy one (think mess halls). This descriptor’s most common target today? Moms. The term hot mess mom describes a person whose vocation is to care for little people but who does so in a chaotic state. In my experience, identifying with the “hot mess mom” label was driven by my internal state: I felt like I couldn’t meet a set of self-conceived standards, so I gave up instead, and I rarely “had it together.” If you google hot mess mom, descriptors include “disheveled appearance,” “forgetful” and “unorganized.” Parenting from a state of overwhelm has been normalized and even become expected.
Could the rise of moms who identify as a “hot mess” and the rise of stuff-ownership be related? Absolutely.
Fifty-four percent of Americans are overwhelmed by the amount of clutter they have, and 78% of those who call themselves overwhelmed report having no idea what to do with it.
Esteban Amaro; Unsplash
My own story reflects these trends. I didn’t know it at the time, but in the metrics of happiness and possessions, my life was a microcosm of the culture at large. In accepting a life-draining, stuff-filled home, I accepted the low-grade stress that came with it. And in my surrender to this mindset, the door to my soul became stuck. Unable to open. Unable to receive God.
I swore by this more-stuff-equals-more-happiness mindset. And with each impulsive shopping trip I took, I taught this mindset to my daughter, just like my grandma had shared it with me.
Walmart became a “happy place” for Eva and me. We would go there multiple times a week, especially in the winter. I loved the light in her eyes upon surveying a new toy display. She’d engage with the toys, sometimes for up to an hour, while I watched or scrolled on my phone.
Walmart was where she learned to ride a bike. With a unicorn helmet on her head and a baby doll strapped to the bike of her choice, she’d cruise full loops around the bike display. We’d talk about going slow around the corners so as not to collide with an unsuspecting shopper. I thought I was instilling life lessons like respect and courtesy. More than anything, I was reinforcing our culture’s lie that we can buy happiness. For me, for all of us, consumption itself isn’t the problem — consumerism, or compulsory consumption, is. We all need basic things. But for many of us, our buying is based on what we’ve been told we need instead of what we actually need.
All this focus on stuff can alter our worldview, reduce our happiness and misplace our identity. First, if we’re not careful, materialism can indirectly distort the way we view others by leading us to prioritize possessions above people. A society founded on consumerism (continual buying and consuming of material possessions) can leave humans quickly devalued. Yet humans have eternal souls, and therefore infinite worth.
The gospel of America — the one that promises possession-based contentment — does not deliver happiness. The actual gospel does.
“Immersed in this stuff-centered, American gospel — wading blindly through a bog of inner and outer distraction and clutter — my life was full. Yet empty. Filled, but not with what mattered. Busy, but lacking connection with the one who mattered most: God.”
Jesus gives a road map to happiness in his Sermon on the Mount when he delivers the Beatitudes. His message is highly countercultural and contrary to America’s “more stuff, more happiness” mantra. In the Beatitudes, Jesus shows us that happiness comes from God alone. He calls us to become poor in spirit, humbling ourselves, emptying ourselves, so as to be filled with him, not the things of the world.
The first beatitude, “Blessed are the poor in spirit,” could be extended as an invitation to find happiness in a countercultural life:
Blessed (happy) are you if you’re not seeking happiness in the material things of the world. They are passing.
Blessed (happy) are you if you’re not chasing after the latest momentary feel-good high.
Blessed (happy) are you if you’re not addicted to the esteem of others and don’t find your worth in their approval.
Blessed (happy) are you if you are not making busyness an idol, rushing through this one life.
While we’re busy filling our lives with the things of this world, God longs to fill every corner of our souls to the point of overflowing. To love us so much that it spills onto others. To be the companion who alone resides within our hearts. And he wants happiness for us.
Looking back now at my years of consumerism, I imagine God in a helicopter, hovering over my life, looking for a place to land, for time to spend with me, to imbue my life with happiness. But there wasn’t space. The external and internal clutter left no landing site. He’d hover, come in close, catch my attention on occasion as the noisy rotary blades neared, but never land in my soul. Never stay and rest awhile.
Immersed in this stuff-centered, American gospel — wading blindly through a bog of inner and outer distraction and clutter — my life was full. Yet empty. Filled, but not with what mattered. Busy, but lacking connection with the one who mattered most: God.
As it turns out, the solution to uprooting our excess-induced stress and creating space for God is quite simple, albeit countercultural.
“To design a life that is focused on the things that matter, we first need to let go of all the things that don’t. ”
Seven Things to Declutter (To Live Lighter)
Physical clutter
Decluttering your environment is often the first step toward crafting a lighter, more meaningful life. The true cost of our excess physical stuff goes well beyond the money we have already spent on it. Studies show we are wired to have a stress response around clutter, especially if we are the ones tasked with maintaining it. This leads to overwhelm, distraction, and higher cortisol levels. Our physical and mental health is far from optimized in a cluttered environment.
We were designed for adventure, connection, freedom, space to create, explore and love. We weren’t designed to live surrounded by piles of stuff. Life becomes lighter when we let our excess stuff go.
Worry
Did you know that 90% of what you worry about never actually happens? And that worrying takes up 25% of the time the average person spends thinking each day? Playing out worst-case scenarios in our mind exacerbates fears, paralyzes action, reduces creativity and stunts problem solving. While rationally assessing a situation is prudent, ruminating is counterproductive.
Bottom line: Worry weighs us down. Life becomes lighter when you catch yourself worrying, and, instead, ask yourself this question: “What if it all works out?”
Negative self-talk
We have up to 50,000 self-talk thoughts a day, and 80% of them are negative. Also, 90% of them are repetitive. Cycling self-talk thoughts that aren’t rooted in truth need to be decluttered.
You talk to yourself more than anyone else. What are you saying? You deserve to talk to yourself the way you would a good friend. Life becomes a whole lot lighter when you do.
Distraction
We live in the most highly distracted era ever, thanks to our smartphones. These six-inch rectangles are designed to be addictive, and many brains are hooked. One study showed that even just seeing your phone nearby reduces your cognitive performance. Phones foster impulsivity. In mid-conversation, a question comes up, so we instantly grab our phone to Google it. We remember a text we need to send while playing with our kids, and we feel compelled to do it immediately.
Fight back against digital distraction by disconnecting regularly. Designate a day of the week to be off your phone (or on it a very limited amount). Silence notifications. Keep your phone out of sight but still within earshot for calls. Life becomes lighter when we show up more present in our relationships.
Nonstop activity
We weren’t made to live lives of constant motion. Yet our culture promotes hyperliving — doing more and doing it faster. But when we’re constantly moving, pursuing what’s next, we miss the beauty of the here and now. This could look like constant errand running, obsessive house cleaning, or non-stop working.
We don’t have to fill up all the spaces in our schedule. When we slow down and prioritize reflection and rest, we’re more able to see the meaning behind life events. The hurry makes us hurt. Life becomes lighter when we reduce our pace.
Escapism behavior
How do you distract yourself when overwhelmed? A long social media scroll, Netflix binge, impulse shopping, overindulging in food or drink? When our own needs are pushed by the wayside — either because we don’t make time to meet them or we are simply out of touch with what they are — this can lead to escapism behavior.
Practicing a day of rest (off day, do nothing day, sabbath) each week can counteract this. A day off allows you to see how you’re distracting yourself and provides needed space to build healthier habits. Life becomes lighter when you take time to meet your needs in a productive way.
Indecision
Studies show that the average adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day. Researchers at Cornell University estimate we make 226.7 decisions daily on food alone. The problem is that our daily decision-making reserves are finite. Each decision we make leaves us with less decision-making power for the next one.
Save your decision-making reserves for important decisions by streamlining the routine ones. How? Limit your options. Create a capsule wardrobe to simplify deciding what to wear. Put guidelines around mealtime (breakfast is always a smoothie, but you vary the ingredients). Create a morning or evening routine. By spending less decision-making power on small choices, you have more mental capacity to make the big decisions well. Reducing decision fatigue makes it lighter.
To design a life that is focused on the things that matter, we first need to let go of all the things that don’t. Life is too short to allocate our time and attention toward the frivolous and superfluous.
What are you feeling called to declutter from your life today?
If any of these areas above resonated with you, I encourage you to ruthlessly declutter them from your life.
Life will become lighter when you do.
Julia Ubbenga is creator of the popular blog Rich in What Matters and author of Declutter Your Heart and Your Home. Her online projects, which have attracted over fifty million views, help others let go of inner and outer clutter and reorder their lives around what matters most. Julia resides in Kansas City with her husband and their four children.
Adapted from Rich in What Matters and “Declutter Your Heart and Your Home” by Julia Ubbenga. Copyright © April 2025. Used by permission of Zondervan.
