Brian Dembowczyk has a passion for family discipleship. He is the associate publisher for Thomas Nelson Bibles and was previously the managing editor of “The Gospel Project,” a Bible study curriculum used by over 1.6 million adults, teens and children each week. With a PhD from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Brian has also been a pastor, discipleship pastor and family pastor.

Brian takes some time in this interview to share his passion for encouraging parents and families. He shares an example of humility at work in relationship with his teenage daughter. He also describes how the annual “All-Day Buffet” in his home is a celebration of the grace of God, how cooking helps him connect to the tangible world after a day of “words,” and how community plays a vital role in his writing.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

One of the things I love most about Christmas is family traditions. It’s such a magical season, fitting for fostering the wonder of the Son of God wrapping himself in flesh and furthering joy related to the Savior’s arrival. One of the marks that I hope defines our family of five is joy. We like to laugh and create memories, even if both of those often come in rather unorthodox ways. And that’s where “All-Day Buffet” comes in. It’s not technically a meal. And it’s not at a restaurant, but it is in our home.

Here’s how All-Day Buffet works. From the time you wake up until the time you go back to bed on Christmas day, you can eat whatever you want. There’s only one rule: if you get sick because of what you eat, you clean it up. Other than that, we’re under grace! You want a hot fudge sundae for breakfast? Have at it! Want to eat chocolate frosting out of a tub? Go for it! (Our kids always get a tub of chocolate frosting in their stockings.) Want cinnamon rolls for lunch? No problem! Are you catching the sugar theme?

I love All-Day Buffet because it has given our kids some wonderful Christmas memories, but it has also helped us to relax and enjoy the day. Life is full of pressure, expectations and rules, and the Christmas season isn’t exempt. But for our family, we don’t want that to be true on Christmas day. It’s at least one day when we don’t have to worry about eating healthy or being forced to eat what we really don’t want to eat (but know we should). On this day — one that screams of God’s kindness and mercy and grace — we live in the moment and enjoy God’s good gifts (namely sugar) as we celebrate his best gift of all.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So, what are yours? What so-called "nonspiritual" activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?

I’m a publisher, editor and writer, so I “word” for a living. That means I spend most of my days engaging in high mental and low physical activities (although I do work from a standing desk, so it could be worse!). One thing I’ve started to do is find ways to flip that script at times. Turning my brain off (or at least down) and doing something with my hands can provide rest and renewal. That might sound like an intro to a CrossFit testimonial, but I’m going to take you in a different direction: cooking.

I love to cook. It’s a wonderful balance of art and science. There are rules to follow (even more so when baking), but those rules leave plenty of room for creativity. That means it’s the perfect way to continue feeding my creativity (literally in this case) while doing something with my hands but without taxing my brain. Add to this the extra wins of serving my wife and children and then sitting down to eat together, and it gets even better.

I added a new wrinkle to this a few years ago when I bought a smoker. It’s been fun to learn how to smoke pork, ribs, chickens and turkeys. One of these days I’ll get up the nerve to try a brisket. I also just got an outdoor pizza oven, which has also been fun.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We're just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

One thing that frustrates me about myself is that I get frustrated far too easily at times (you caught that, right?). Rarely is this a good thing for me or others. Like the time I picked up my 15-year-old daughter from high school last year.

When I got to Hannah’s campus, I texted her and told her where I was parked. When class ended, she texted saying she couldn’t find me and asked where I was. So I told her again. A few seconds later, she texted and asked again. So I told her again. When she texted again, I was done for. I told her to wait by the doors and I would work my way against traffic to her. Mind you, I was not being a servant by doing this. Far from it. I was frustrated beyond measure. When Hannah got in the car, I pointed to the spot where I was and without kindness or gentleness (or any other fruit of the Spirit), I told her I was right there.

You don’t need to be the father of a 15-year-old daughter, or to have been a 15-year-old daughter at some point, to know how things were playing out at this point. Hannah was in tears and said, “Dad, why are you upset? I didn’t do anything wrong…I did nothing wrong.”

It was a quiet drive home.

When we got home, God was waiting for me with his divine 2x4. It didn’t take him long.

I went into my daughter’s room and told her that she was right. She had done nothing wrong, but I had done tons wrong. I told her I had been a jerk of a dad and said I was sorry and asked her to forgive me. And, of course, she did immediately.

This was a painful moment for me, but it was one mixed with sweetness. God was kind to convict me of my sins in the moment and prompt me to go confess to my daughter. But more than that, I was so grateful to see my daughter surpass me and live more like Christ in that moment. Isn’t that one of our hopes as parents?

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

A few years ago, it seemed as if I was migrating away from the family discipleship, kids’ ministry, next gen world. But God has been exceedingly kind to draw me back into it, perhaps more deeply than ever before. I’m grateful for this because while there are a number of important voices in this area, there’s always room for more.

One contribution I hope to make is encouraging parents and families. We know that family discipleship is not flourishing, but it never really has in America. This is where the adage of drawing more flies with honey than vinegar comes into play. Instead of adding feelings of guilt and failure on our parents, what if we cast the vision of this generation of parents being the first ones to get it right? What if this generation of parents rose up and began ongoing fruitful family discipleship in the home? I think that’s possible. More importantly, God thinks it’s possible or else he would not have given parents this task.

That’s a lot of the heart behind my latest book, “Family Discipleship that Works,” and my next one coming next year, “Faith Foundations. Family Discipleship” gives families a suggested model for discipleship that focuses on guiding kids to know Jesus, love Jesus, trust in Jesus and then live like Jesus. Discipleship isn’t just believing, it’s doing. We have an active faith. “Faith Foundations” will provide 99 family devotions based on a catechism.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

When we think of writing, we often picture a lone writer joyfully toiling away on a manual typewriter in a cabin with a roaring fireplace as snow falls. But there’s so much wrong with that picture! Writing is hard. It’s painful. It’s grueling. It’s an ongoing series of highs and lows. One minute you think you actually have something worth writing and the next minute you wonder why anyone would ever read what you’re writing.

This is where I have most clearly seen the Holy Spirit step into the process. I’m not saying he’s absent at other places, of course. But I am saying that I’ve seen him here the most. Here’s what I mean.

There comes the point when you need to submit your manuscript and let someone else read it. It’s honestly unnerving. It’s when imposter syndrome is most palpable. But this is also a wonderful moment when we’re reminded that we weren’t meant for isolation — even in our writing. We’re made for community, and we thrive most when we are in it. And that includes writing.

Just when I might be at my lowest point of the writing process, I’ll get the editorial report back from the publisher full of encouragement and feedback. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all fun. There are times when the editorial team challenges my thinking, suggests cutting huge portions I toiled over, and asks for more. In my pride, it’s so easy to push back against this. But if we are humble and open to the Spirit, this is where we can see that together we are truly better. Most of the time, the editorial team offers amazing suggestions I would never have thought of. They force me to sharpen my thinking. They reveal my blind spots. Don’t ever believe that writing is a solitary task. It’s best in community.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin' best for you right now?

Right now, this is easily being in community. We just launched a small group from scratch at our church, and usually it takes a while for a group like this to get its legs under it. And in ways, this one is like that. We’re slowly adding couples to find a critical mass (every week I wonder if it will be that awkward two couples). But, in some ways, this group has already gelled in critical ways.

A core value of our group is that it’s a safe space. It’s safe to share our questions and our doubts. It’s okay to say that we don’t believe something or that we don’t like something. We are striving to create a community where those questions, those doubts, that unbelief and those dislikes are not feared or shunned, but rather allowed. And we are trying to keep from feeling that they all have to be answered or addressed. Sometimes we simply let someone share, and we sit with them in what they’re sharing. I really think this is what community is supposed to be. There’s a realness and a rawness to it. It’s been so good for me to be part of.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are some resources that have impacted you?

I’m going to cheat and count two books as one to start with. I didn’t really start growing in my faith until college, and one book that I read around that time was “Knowing God” by J. I. Packer. It was so formative for me because I had grown up around the church and had more of a legalistic, God-is-usually-unhappy-with-me imagination. I knew God as a topic more than as a Person. Packer really helped me make that important turn. Tangent to this is “Known by God” by Brian Rosner, which I read a few years ago. What a wonderful complement to Packer’s work! Rosner paints a beautiful picture of how amazing it is that our Creator knows us, as we also seek to know him. I highly recommend reading these as a pair.

Another formative book I read during or soon after college was “Through Gates of Splendor” by Elisabeth Elliot. (Showing my age here when I say that what prompted this reading was a song by Twila Paris called “He Is No Fool.”) I’m not sure anyone can encounter this story without something stirring deep within. It forces you to examine your priorities and ask how seriously you are taking your pursuit of Jesus.

The last book I’ll share about is “Seasons of Sorrow” by Tim Challies. If you can listen to the audio book, I highly recommend it. It’s read by Tim. To hear him talk about the death of his son and the grief he and his family have endured is powerful. But to hear him talk about how God has guided them through that grief with hope is truly stirring. As a father, this was an amazingly challenging book for me to get through. But it was so, so worth it.

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it's done for you.

Thankfully, I don’t need Tim Challies’ “Seasons of Sorrow” right now. I am ready to cling to it should I need it though. Instead, I’d say the resource that has really been the most meaningful to me right now is the NET Bible. I know, as a publisher of that Bible, it’s a homer answer, but it’s true.

I began reading the NET to become more familiar with it. And I have grown to value this translation. One thing I love about it is that it reads like other modern English translations, but there are times when it surprises you. Like in Isaiah 9:6 where we read “Wonderful Advisor” rather than what we normally expect to be “Wonderful Counselor,” or in Genesis 2 and 3 that speaks of the “orchard” of Eden rather than the “garden” of Eden. The NET is known for its transparency, so they offer great explanations for these choices. But beyond that, I love how reading the NET makes the familiar seem fresh. It really prevents you from reading on cruise control.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

As I shared, I’m working on a family devotions book that should come out next year. Beyond that, I have another book idea that has been percolating in my mind and heart the last few years that would help kids understand what the Bible is and how to read it, love it, and live it. I see that as the third book of a sort of trilogy with “Family Discipleship that Works” and “Faith Foundations.” I’ve got a working structure on that one and am looking forward to returning to it and seeing if it can be brought to life.

Beyond that, I have a couple of other book ideas that are beyond the area of family discipleship. One that I keep getting drawn back to is on the topic of callings. I hear discussions about pastoral callings all the time, but I see God’s callings as much, much bigger than that. God calls the pastor, but he also calls the plumber.

Brian presents a beautiful example of community in this interview. In the growing community he’s a part of, they seek to create a safe space where people can bring their questions and doubts. He says, “We’re made for community, and we thrive most when we are in it.” He also describes how community plays a crucial role even in his writing. How does community play a role in your life and spiritual development right now? Do you feel a part of a thriving group of believers? Ask God for wisdom on how you can both give and receive in the community you’re in. If you are still searching, ask God to lead you to a community of believers who can help you begin to grow and flourish in new ways.

Brian Dembowczyk