Heather Avis

Aug 16

12 min read ⭑

“By choosing to embrace the unexpected placed in my life by a good and grace-filled God, I am choosing to let go of the control in my life and trust—trust God, trust the unknown, trust an opportunity that may just seem wild enough to pursue even if I’m scared out of my mind.”

Author, speaker, shouter of worth, narrative shifter—Heather Avis wears many hats, and she takes each one seriously. As founder of the social awareness brand The Lucky Few, Heather works relentlessly to create a more inclusive world, especially when it comes to shifting the Down syndrome narrative. Her multi-ethnic, ability-diverse, adoptive family inspires her every day to show people that this world is a place where everyone belongs, no matter how different we are. That's a lesson she's learned as a mom to two young children with Down syndrome. She knows that, despite what the world may say, differences are worth celebrating and embracing. Be inspired as Heather shares it all—from her love of yard sales to her battle with rejection to the resources that supercharge her faith and mission.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to a meal than palate and preference. How does your go-to order at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

As a SoCal girl, I know tacos are not just for Tuesdays. I also know where the best Taco Tuesday deals are and where to find the hole-in-the-wall taco spot with the best salsa or where to get the tastiest agua fresca.

Our family has our favorite go-to spots depending on what we’re in the mood for. When we’re in the mood for the perfect BRC (bean, rice, cheese burrito), we head to Rosa Maria's. Rosa Maria's was a staple of my youth.

In high school, it was not uncommon for my friends and me to sneak off campus, hop in my Honda Civic Wagovan (If you're unfamiliar with a Wagovan, it’s worth looking up.), and fix our BRC craving.

When I moved to Northern California for college and then to Maui later for a six-month stint during my first year of marriage, the food I craved most and could not find anywhere was good Mexican food, specifically a BRC as tasty as the ones from my youth.

Whenever I would go home to visit my folks, Rosa Maria's was a must. All these years later, my family and I have ended up moving to a house about a half-mile from Rosa Maria's, and you can bet it is our go-to for dinner on hot lazy summer nights, as a quick meal on the go or our meal of choice for birthday parties. When my kids ask for a "Rosie's BRC," I know I'm raising them right.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests, but we tend to hide them. What do you love doing that might surprise (or shock) people?

It is 6:00 a.m. on Saturday. I open my eyes, my internal clock set. In the dim light of the room, I quietly get dressed in my denim overalls, sneak downstairs so as not to wake up my sleeping family, grab a cup of coffee and some cash—because 7:00 a.m. sharp is yard-sale time!

Even as I write about Saturday morning yard sales, I feel giddy. For many reasons, it is the thing I look forward to the most all week long. I have always loved a good deal, and I've always loved a good hunt, so pulling up to a yard full of other people's stuff and picking through it to find that one treasure for which I will only pay $1 is what gets my endorphins pumping. Sure, from time to time I come home with a trunk full of items my husband views as junk, but the $30 kayaks, $3 new, in-the-box coffee makers, and $2 Pottery Barn lamps have my husband on “team yard sale” most of the time.

One of my favorite purchases? About eight years ago, I went to a moving sale where everything in the house was for sale. When I walked in, the smell and piles of … I don't even want to know … were so nasty I almost turned right around. But I'm in it for the hunt and I know looks (and smells) can be deceiving. So I told myself I'd at least walk through every room. As I entered the last room before walking out empty-handed, I saw a gorgeous mid-century modern credenza covered in piles of … again, I don't even want to know. When I asked how much it cost, I crossed my fingers, hoping it'd be less than $100, so you can imagine how thrilled I was when the guy said, "How about 25 bucks?" SOLD!

As I look around my house, full of unique and beautiful furniture and artwork that was once cast aside and overlooked but now makes my home inviting and beautiful, I wonder how much of this hobby of mine is connected to my heart and love for finding beauty in the most unlikely places and shouting the worth of an underdog!

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

When I was in 5th grade, I remember one day at recess sitting on the playground with my group of friends when one of them yelled out "D.N.H.!" and all the girls, but myself, knew to run. Because I didn't want to be left out, I jumped up and ran after them. Once everyone stopped running and I caught up, the girls all gave each other strange looks before another yelled, "D.N.H." and they all ran again. This time, confused and hurt, I stayed behind.

Shortly thereafter, the bell rang, ushering us back to class. As I made my way back, I learned through whispers that "D.N.H." stood for "Ditch Nerd Herd." I found out that, at some point over the previous days, weeks, or months, my friends had decided I was no longer cool enough to be their friend and this was how they would get me out of the group.

I want to say something like, "Well, it's a good thing kids are so resilient and that happened so long ago. You don't have to let it affect your life now." But the truth is, this idea of not being "cool enough" to fit in and this physical rejection, which spilled over into my junior high years when I found myself being bullied by an older girl, continue to have a huge impact on me. I am now a 39-year-old adult human, and I still feel insecure in my relationships. I often feel as though I'm too much or not enough for people. After most conversations, I often question whether I said too much or not enough or the wrong thing. I am certain I like all of my friends and acquaintances more than they like me. I am so afraid of being rejected by others.

This is a wild truth considering I now work as an author and social media influencer. In both these gigs, I put myself out there knowing full well not everyone would agree with me, love me, and accept me. I'm in a field of work in which critics criticize and reject. Oy vey! Every day I think, "I wish I just didn't care!" But the truth is, I still do. (Thank Jesus for a good therapist!)

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

A few months ago, I sat down with my therapist and told her about the whole "D.N.H." story from 5th grade. Over the following weeks, as she and I talked things through, I was shocked and amazed to see how this childhood wound of mine had become a driving force for good in the work I do. You see, as the mother of three, two of whom have Down syndrome, I ended up starting a non-profit called The Lucky Few where we are all about shifting narratives, shouting worth, and creating spaces where everyone belongs, specifically for people with Down syndrome.

Every day when I go to work, I work on projects in which I am saying to the world, “Hey, you see my daughter and son who have Down syndrome? The systems in play do not work for them. They are worthy of being in all the same spaces as you. It is time to make a shift and create a world where they belong...where everyone belongs!" Wild right?

Recently, I released my debut children's book called Different—A Great Thing to Be! It's a picture book about a little girl named Macy (which happens to be my daughter's name) who has been told her whole life that she’s too different to fit in. This kind of rejection can sting, yet she continues to show up bravely in spaces and tell the world around her, "I belong here, too!"

While I am not a person with Down syndrome and while my able-bodied, neuro-typical, Caucasian self is living in a world where the systems work in my favor, I have known what it's like to feel different. I have experienced childhood rejection. So I wrote a children's book not only for my kids but for me, too. A book in which we can shift the narrative around what it means to be different and teach our kids (and ourselves) that our differences should be embraced and celebrated because everyone is different—and different is great!

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

About 16 years ago, when my husband and I decided it was time to start a family, I found myself in the deep end of the misery of infertility. My infertility led me down the path of adoption, which led me to my daughter Macy, who has Down syndrome, which led me into the work of shouting her worth and shifting narratives. Saying yes to adopting Macy was my scariest and best “yes,” and it changed everything forever and for the better.

As the years have gone by, I've recognized and chosen to fully grasp that the unexpected grief I experienced while going through infertility and then deciding to adopt a child with Down syndrome has shifted the narrative of my life. By choosing to embrace the unexpected placed in my life by a good and grace-filled God, I am choosing to let go of the control in my life and trust—trust God, trust the unknown, trust an opportunity that may just seem wild enough to pursue even if I'm scared out of my mind.

I am now a mother of three, all of whom came to me through adoption. Two of them have Down syndrome and one of a different ethnicity than mine. Sixteen years ago, when I decided to grow my family, I never expected to grow it this way. And I never expected that a little girl with Down syndrome would be my greatest teacher and guide. By embracing the unexpected, I have seen the heart of God more fully and understand that the value and worth found in another human is there because of the image of God in them. Period. Full stop. This truth has become foundational in all the work I do.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Some people divide things sacred and things secular. But you know, God can surprise us in unlikely places. How do you find spiritual renewal in so-called "nonspiritual" activities?

Raising kids is a trip. In my opinion, it is the most difficult gig around. Raising kids with Down syndrome and a daughter who is a different ethnicity than me is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the holiest. It is what we in our home like to call "the tension of the both/and." I remember the first time my middle daughter, who is black (I am Caucasian), asked about her birth mom. "Mommy, why don't I look like you?" she asked me.

My daughter was only 3 at the time. This question opened up a conversation where together she and I mourned the loss of her connection to her birth mom and shared in the gratitude that we get to love each other and be each other's family. One does not negate the other. It's a both/and. These kinds of conversations show up often in our home, and we welcome them knowing the holiness that exists when we hold the tension well.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith. But you know about some really great stuff too. What are three of your favorite resources?

The most impactful book I've ever read (besides the Bible)—and what I believe should be a must-read for every human who cares about humans—is Andrew Solomon’s Far From The Tree. Through history, research, psychology, and storytelling, this book gives the reader a glimpse into raising a child with disability and differences, asking the question "What happens when the apple falls far from the tree?" He offers the reader an opportunity to hold the tension, that both/and, found in a human story.

As a disability advocate and person who deeply loves Jesus and the Church Jesus hopes for, I believe Disability and the Church by Lamar Hardwick should be a must-read for every church leader and churchgoer in the Western world. If we do not create churches where the disability community is supported and embraced, then we will not see God's goodness and fullness in disabled people, which means we will never come close to knowing the goodness and fullness of God. I am not being dramatic here. I believe this to be true with all my heart. Lamar Hardwick has created a powerful tool to help leaders create inclusive churches.

A man by the name of Justin Hawkins wrote an article called, "Dignity Beyond Accomplishment," which was published in Mere Orthodoxy in January 2021. Justin is a Ph.D. candidate at Yale and has a sister with Down syndrome. He asks the reader “What is it that gives a person worth?” This is a must-read, too.

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it's done for you.

The resource I've found indispensable in this current season is my walking shoes and the road. Here is why: With the work I do, I spend so much time on screens that the last thing I want is some kind of resource that connects me to yet another screen. For my health and survival in tough times, I need to disconnect and hit the pavement. I don't even bring my phone to listen to music or podcasts. I need my eyes up and ears open so I can be aware of the world around me.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So, give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

As the chief visionary officer at The Lucky Few and the mother of two children with Down syndrome, I strive to create spaces where everyone belongs. It’s the heartbeat behind all the dreams and ideas swirling around in my heart, mind, and soul.

At The Lucky Few, we also believe that our stories are our most powerful tools when it comes to breaking down barriers and building up relationships. These relationships are what can hold the keys to a more inclusive world.

Knowing and believing this, I had a spark of an idea last fall to tell the stories of people in the Down syndrome community. Not just people with Down syndrome but those who love them and have been changed by them. I wanted to create an archive of stories about how good Down syndrome is and how imperative people with Down syndrome are to our collective humanity. I wanted to tell the whole story of Down syndrome, which is as diverse as the human race itself. I wanted people who are new to Down syndrome to be able to go somewhere and see themselves in the story about to unfold in their life.

So I started something called, This Is Down Syndrome. And with the help of a very small team of people, we began to collect and tell the stories of people with Down syndrome and those who love them. I believe in this project with all my heart, but I also know that unless I gather a team of miners and grinders around me who can continue to make this happen, the whole thing could fizzle out. This feels overwhelming to me.

I also find my insecurities trying to distract me from this powerful movement. This project needs supporters, and when people don't jump up and down offering support, I begin to question if I should keep on keeping on. There is so much potential to grow this project and so much more I could be doing with it, but I need all kinds of help and support. So I'm finding myself constantly handing it over to God. I’m trying to be diligent with what's in front of me so I don’t get lost in the visions and dreams of what could be. One day, one project, one story at a time. Right?

Can you remember the last time you felt rejected? For some of us, our minds wander back to a painful childhood memory, maybe like the one Heather described. Others may only need to think back to yesterday.

The truth is that nearly all of us have experienced rejection. And those who are deemed different by society? Even more so. But there’s one who will never reject us. “Those the Father has given me will come to me,” Jesus says, “and I will never reject them” (John 6:37, NLT).

Do you need healing from rejection? Do you need boldness to speak up for others who are pushed away and excluded? We encourage you to find everything you need in the ever-open arms of Jesus. He’s here to receive you. Always.

Heather Avis is a New York Times bestselling author as well as the founder and chief visionary officer at The Lucky Few, a social awareness brand on a mission to make a more inclusive and loving world with an emphasis on shifting the Down syndrome narrative. She runs The Lucky Few's hit Instagram account and is the author of the book and co-host of the podcast by the same name. Heather lives in Southern California with her husband, Josh, and their three kids Macy, Truly, and August. Learn more at heatheravis.com and follow her on Instagram at @theluckyfewofficial.

Justin Camp