Holly Hayes

As a teenager, Holly Christine Hayes was trapped in a downward spiral of alcoholism and drug addiction. She hit rock bottom when her trauma and shame eventually left her homeless. But now, years later, you’ll find Holly working in recovery ministry and worship, even leading Sanctuary Project, a community she founded to bring hope to survivors of trafficking, abuse and addiction.

Why the radical shift? Because she had an encounter with God. And since then, Holly has never been the same. In today’s interview, she’s giving us a peek behind the scenes of what her trauma-to-triumph transformation looks like now as a mom. Plus, you’ll discover her favorite meals, quirky farm animals, secret kryptonite and favorite faith-building resources!

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

The moment I return to my hometown of Menlo Park, California, you’ll find me meandering down the sweet main street of Santa Cruz Ave. The stretch between El Camino and Fremont Park, with Keplers and Cafe Barrone on one end and Menlo Church on the other, is the home of more memories than I could ever count — spanning from childhood to adulthood and everything in between.

But no trip home is complete without the Cheese Plate at Left Bank, the charming French Bistro sitting right in the heart of Downtown Menlo Park. Before moving to Paris, France in 2014, I used to sit for hours enjoying cheese and charcuterie dreaming of and longing for the cafes of Paris I only knew casually at that point. I’m flooded with memories of dates with long-lost loves, dear friend’s birthday gatherings and rehearsal dinners, meetings with ministry partners dreaming of ways to transform the church and God’s kingdom, the first time I shared a dessert with my husband there. After my time living in Paris, a sweet Cheese Plate at Left Bank somehow encompasses the best of all I’ve known and loved over the years. Sitting on my hometown main street, my mouth flooded with memories of Paris, the comfort of home paired with the reminder of great adventures I’ve lived. Plus cheese! What could be better?

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So, what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?

Despite the glamorous life I’ve lived in many of the greatest cities in the world — San Francisco, Los Angeles, Boston, New York City and Paris, France — my husband and I have made a home on a quiet 5-acre farm and vineyard just outside Austin, Texas, which we’ve filled with the silliest little farm family. When asked how we’ve chosen the animals we share the Hayes Homestead with, I can only reply, “Imagine you gave a 7-year-old money and a farm and told them they could have any fuzzy animals they wanted.”

Yes, it’s true. Our animals are mostly chosen as we scroll the internet, looking at silly pictures and videos of farm animals, then inviting said animals to come live with us. From our silly Silkie Chickens to our majestic Scottish Highland Cows, every animal in our care was once an animal that made us laugh on the internet. Though that may sound trite, in the extremely heavy work I do in the anti-trafficking world, coming home daily to a funny farm full of fuzzy faces is a blessing I could never have imagined or predicted. It’s been my peace, my joy, and our shared passion for the last three years now.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human too. We're just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

As a survivor of trafficking, violence and addiction, you’d think I would easily be able to point to my trauma as my greatest weakness. Surprisingly, that has been my greatest strength as I’ve witnessed the tenacity and compassion it’s developed in me and the hope it’s inspired in others.

The kryptonite I fight daily is the crippling fear of “what people think of me.” As a 3 on the Enneagram, achiever, CEO and ministry leader, I battle constant imposter syndrome and an ego telling me I have to be “impressive” or I will be irrelevant.

Sure, this could be linked to trauma, but I’ve fought this message for as long as I can remember. In kindergarten, when I got what I felt was a sub-par role in the school play, I worried it would forever affect my career and future.

Conversely, as I achieved over the years, I was sure those achievements would make me feel whole. Strangely none did … until July of 2019.

The antidote I’ve found for this crippling need to perform came in the form of a tiny human we welcomed last year — our adorable daughter, Havana. Everything shifted the moment I held her. The approval of man seemed so small compared to the great miracle of seeing the height of God’s creation, this perfect human, come from me. I lost all desire to achieve. In one moment, I realized the greatest thing I’ll ever be on this planet is “Havana’s Mom.” I often marvel at the simplest thing — something anyone can do — being the only thing I’ve ever felt true meaning or fulfillment in. If I’d known sooner, I would never have worked so hard, pouring myself out, building companies, ministries, writing a book. None of it! If I could go back in time, I would have just been a mom.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

In 2012, I visited an organization in Thailand that worked with women coming out of sex trafficking in the brothels of Bangkok. They trained survivors to make beaded bracelets, which they sold to help support their mission and rescue work. As I watched the women sitting together around a table, giggling, talking, dreaming, crying and sharing their hearts and lives with one another, I realized there was something incredibly special about the act of making jewelry together, in a community of women. As the ladies finished a piece, they would share their new creation with the other women at the table and I watched a light in their eyes sparkle with joy and accomplishment. “Look what I made!” All-day long, they made beautiful things together.

This vision inspired me. I began to dream of Sanctuary Project and a jewelry line. Beaded bracelets weren’t enough for us. I wanted every piece in the line to capture the elegance, delicate femininity and artful essence of women who have been molded by lives of trauma into overcomers. I wanted the elevated designs to reflect the empowering work we’re doing. We wanted each piece to evoke the feeling of sanctuary we’ve all found here.

In February of 2018, I launched Sanctuary Project, a nonprofit social enterprise jewelry brand employing and empowering survivors of trafficking, violence, and addiction. I’ve always loved the word “sanctuary,” which is defined as a place of refuge, safety, shelter and protection; a place of asylum and immunity from the law that would punish or bind; a consecrated, holy place; set apart from the world and full of peace. Deep down, a feeling of sanctuary was what I longed for in the years I spent trapped in trafficking, violence and addiction — refuge, asylum, peace. For years, I sought sanctuary.

In 2014 when I moved to Paris, France I would often walk along the River Seine until I ended up at the famous Notre Dame Cathedral. As I sat in that space and watched the light dance through the spectacular stained-glass windows, the word “sanctuary” filled my thoughts. I realized in that moment that I had finally found it. Sanctuary, in this case, wasn’t a place … it was a state of being. Years of healing, building new habits, affirmation of identity and belonging, long talks with mentors, countless dingy basement recovery meetings, and ultimately, a shift in my soul that said, “You are known, you are loved, and you are safe.”

Having found sanctuary, I now feel deeply passionate about guiding my sweet sister-survivors there too. This is the ultimate goal of Sanctuary Project. Everything we do, whether it’s designing our operations to create safe structure, or designing a jewelry line that inspires, has sanctuary in mind. Our team begins each workday with a “community gathering time.” We read from spiritual literature together and we each check in about anything going on in our lives or hearts, or how the literature will help inform our day. This sharing time is the highlight of every workday at Sanctuary Project.

After that, we break off into our two departments — our Survivor Leader team and our Job Training team. For the women in Job Training, the day centers around making jewelry, fulfilling orders and meeting with our Peer Support Recovery Coach for guidance and direction on her next steps in recovery and healing. For the women on our Survivor Leader Team, we are fulfilling the roles of Operations, Office Management, Marketing, Manufacturing or Program Management.

As the CEO, most of my day is spent meeting with our ladies in a mentoring capacity, growing our partnerships with stores and other brands or designing beautiful new pieces to come.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

Sometimes I cry out to God in lament that he didn’t call me to build a business with MBAs and well-qualified, well-trained teams of experts. He asked me to build a place — a business — full of the grace and mercy he once extended to me. This means daily surrendering everything I would want our operations to look like to what he wants our hearts to transform into.

Our team is made up entirely of trauma survivors. Can you imagine? God gathered some of the most hard-hearted, over-reactive, anxious, insecure, fearful women and said, “You. I want you to build this beautiful place!”

Stewarding this ship of misfits requires constant grace. Supernatural grace. As ill-equipped as I am to run a business (a high school dropout with a Musical Theatre degree) my staff is in many cases more so. Criminal records, histories of addiction, trafficking, fraud, violence, larceny, the list goes on... And yet, somehow we have seen our skills come together into this masterpiece tapestry where we don’t just get things done, we have absolutely thrived!

I quickly found my years of experience as a drug dealer taught me everything I needed to know about margins, supply-and-demand, customer service and value adds. (There’s a book you’ll never see on the shelves … “Everything I Really Need to Know About Life I Learned Selling Drugs.”) Others have found their mistrust of people makes them excellent at HR, managing teams and keeping operations in line. For others, years of having to “market” ourselves as our sexuality was exploited has translated into a keen understanding of the human mind and its desires in advertising and marketing. But for each of us, and most beautiful of all, we have tapped into God-given creativity we never knew lurked under years of sludgy trauma.

We lean into God’s power and grace daily in caring for each other’s hearts and souls in this sweet community. We lean into his revelation as we design and create. And we lean into his redemptive power as we watch him take everything the enemy sent to destroy us and use it for his good and glorious work on the earth.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So, spill it, which spiritual practice is workin' best for you right now?

Growing up I always found my escape on the stage. I faced traumas from a young age and something about becoming someone else or disappearing into song and dance felt entirely too good. For the first 20-plus years of my life, I gave all of myself to music, dance and theatre, even getting a degree from a top Musical Theatre Conservatory, The Boston Conservatory. I worked professionally as an actress in theatre and film for many years, but ultimately felt called out of the work when I came to Christ.

I never knew churches had music. I didn’t grow up in the church and always imagined it was just a lot of talking and praying, maybe human sacrifices — I really had no idea. But I walked into a church for the first time a year and a half after meeting Jesus (in a stolen Bible, but that’s a whole other story). First, I was surprised the place didn’t immediately burn down or crumble to the ground when I walked in, and second, I was surprised to find they had music. “Worship,” I learned it was called in the church. Of course, the tunes were sacred, but for me, it was the music. I instantly felt safe. I felt a connection between my past, full of music and this new life in Christ, full of music.

Music is still my escape. But not escape in the way it had been. I’m no longer escaping to a life on stage where I become someone else. As soon as I met Jesus, I found an escape from everything on this earth, into the presence of God, where somehow every tear dries and every sorrow melts away. Music is my healing place. Whether it’s leading worship for a conference of thousands, or daily singing in the quiet places, my car, my shower, my baby’s changing table (she loves Sondheim) — a song is always on my lips. This is how I commune with God constantly. It’s how I fight off spiritual warfare, it’s how I take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ and it’s how I train my mind for the eternity that awaits me.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are some resources that have impacted you?

Perhaps my favorite devotional of all time is the “Jesus Calling” devotional. We begin each morning at Sanctuary Project reading the day’s devotional and sharing what it means to each of us in our spiritual journey that day. I’ve watched this devotional completely transform lives and hearts and bring women who were not open to Jesus running into his loving arms.

I’m also loving a podcast hosted by a dear friend of mine, “The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey.” We met when I was on the podcast years ago, but now we are good friends. If we weren’t already friends, I would want to be her friend with how relatable and open she is with her guests and how practically she shares about the things of God. She inspires me constantly and every guest is an inspirational “God shot.”

Lately, I can’t stop worshiping to Brandon Lake’s new album “House of Miracles.” Every song is anointed and even my 1-year-old daughter worships along! Brandon and his wife, Brittany, have also become huge Sanctuary Project supporters, which means the world to us.

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it's done for you.

I’ve been living in my “Passion Translation Bible” lately. After years of studying and pouring over Scripture in my NIV Bible, I find myself saying, “Oh yes, I know this Scripture. I know what God is saying here.” But something about the poetic language of the “Passion Translation” has shaken my heart open to hearing from him afresh. I’m drawn into the world of his love in new and beautiful ways constantly in the wording and the rhythm of the prose.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So, give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

Lately, I’ve been feeling that our at Sanctuary Project and the work of so many others in similar businesses is just the beginning of the Lord completely transforming the fashion industry. In July 2020, God showed me a vision for a fashion conglomerate, bringing together a family of giveback brands for massive impact worldwide with a focus on ethical sourcing powered by economies of scale and centralized operational resources. This would allow for greater profitably and increased impact. It’s a huge dream and one that will take Kingdom resources to build. But every day, as I see Sanctuary Project grow and thrive, I know the Lord’s heart and power are on this vision and I feel his pressing toward this dream and these partnerships.

Young buyers are no longer accepting fast fashion. Our world is changing, and we as Christ-followers should be at the spearhead of the movement bringing that change. Much of what “big fashion” has done over the years to create profitability has yet to be adopted by the give-back community because we have all functioned as micro-brands and small businesses. Imagine how increased profitability coming from a conglomerate could impact the kingdom and the individual mission of these brands.

In the vision the Lord gave me, he showed me how he was going to move heavenly funds and resources to all the places that need it most, using commerce, bypassing government, systems and anything that has hindered his work in the past. The vision both excited and terrified me. I felt honored to have been entrusted as part of this massive shift in culture and industry but overwhelmed at the weight of running something with that kind of scale. As with anything he’s called me to, my response was, as Barak says to the prophetess Deborah in Judges 4:8: “If you go with me, I will go...”

When we see the great vision God has for us, it’s easy to get overwhelmed — scared, even. But in those moments of being terrified by what’s ahead, it’s important that we remember where we came from. All throughout the Old Testament, God reminded his people that he was the one who brought them out of slavery in Egypt. “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that you should not be their slaves,” he said (Leviticus 26:13). For Holly, her “Egypt” was, in part, trauma, violence and addiction. Whether or not your past was as difficult as Holly’s, you can choose to respond to God’s calling the same way she did — full of faith and expectation for what’s to come.