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Writer and storyteller Kristen LaValley has a deep understanding of the tension between suffering and faith. She created her first book, “Even if He Doesn’t: What We Believe About God When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” to offer others what she wished she had during her own season of suffering: a book that didn’t attempt to give readymade answers to her questions.

In this interview, Kristen shares about the freedom she’s gained from walking through seasons of pain, the delight of curiosity, and how her experience with community helped heal deep wounds in her heart.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to a meal than palate and preference. How does your go-to order at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

The thing about food is that it's not so much what’s actually on the plate in front of me. The most important thing is if the people making it put their heart into it. I need to know the person cares, you know? Sure, tacos are always great. But wouldn’t you prefer to have a taco made by someone who learned from an abuela?

People think I’m crazy when I say this, but my favorite food in New York City is inside of a bodega in the Bronx. You wouldn’t even know there’s a full kitchen and dining area unless you go inside and walk around. The tacos are truly transformational. They’re the kind of thing you eat and then write about in an interview nearly a decade later. They’re tacos that are made with the kind of skill you can only acquire through generational knowledge.

I was raised in the Northeast by a Southern woman and a Michigan man, and if you're doing the math, that means I was raised on casseroles. l live in Massachusetts now, and I have to be honest — there’s been a disappointing amount of casseroles. But what Massachusetts lacks in potatoes and cheese and meat in a single dish, it makes up for with an eclectic array of generational food knowledge — and for that, I’m grateful.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests, but we tend to hide them. What do you love doing that might surprise (or shock) people?

There’s an episode of “New Girl” where one of the characters is getting really anxious about something, and he says, “I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack and I haven’t arranged for anyone to clear my internet history. I wasn’t building a bomb! I was just curious!” I’ve never related more to anything in my life.

My internet search history would probably implicate me for any number of crimes, should I ever be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the truth is that I’m really just curious! Curiosity is the catalyst for innovation and imagination. It solves, it paints, it builds, it climbs, it grows, it plants, it waters. We were created by an intentional, curious, creative God and he reflected his image straight into our DNA.

We ask because we want to know. We seek because we want to find. We knock because we want to see what’s on the other side of the door! Our Creator has imprinted a holy curiosity in us, and that curiosity leads us to explore the world he’s created for us. It leads us to each other, connects us, and allows us to build intimacy and fondness. Those things don’t just happen naturally. They happen because we’re curious! God created us human on purpose, and he called it good. I think he takes delight in our curiosity as much as we delight in being curious.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We're just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

Oh. Easy. My kryptonite is sound. One thousand percent. Hands down. But not just sound in general; it’s more of a layered sound kind of thing. I lack the ability to compartmentalize it. If you want to see me getting highly agitated or if you’re sick of me and want me to go home without telling me to go home, a dinner table with multiple conversations happening at the same time will do the trick. Or you could play a video game with the sound on and watch a movie at the same time, or put the music on full blast in the car and try to have a conversation with me.

As you can imagine, having five kids and having an issue processing sound works out really great for me. Noise-reducing ear plugs are a lifesaver.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

I’m just a few weeks away from releasing my first book — “Even if He Doesn't: What We Believe About God When Life Doesn't Make Sense.” I started writing it almost three years ago, on the heels of a crisis twin pregnancy, a traumatic premature birth and a two-month NICU stay. I had been through a few back-to-back traumas leading up to that pregnancy and felt like there weren’t really any books about suffering that expressed how much of a toll it can take on your faith. Christian books about suffering tend to focus on the triumph of the story: “Look how much faith she had in spite of XYZ!” But pain and faith are rarely that simple, and I never felt like my faith was something to be applauded. It was messy, nonlinear and God met me in it in beautiful ways. I wanted to write a book that bore witness to pain without offering answers to it. No solutions, no platitudes, no theological snacks. That’s the kind of thing I needed when I was deep in the pits of hell, and I thought maybe other people needed something like that, too. That’s what writers do, I think. We write the books we wish were already in the world.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

If there’s a singular concept that has changed my relationship to God and the practice of my faith the most, it’s Brother Lawerence’s idea about practicing the presence of God. One of my favorite quotes of his is, “He does not ask much of us, merely a thought of him from time to time, a little act of adoration, sometimes to ask for his grace, sometimes to offer him your sufferings, at other times to thank him for the graces, past and present, he has bestowed on you, in the midst of your troubles to take solace in him as often as you can .... One need not cry out very loudly; He is nearer to us than we think.” I try, as much as I can, to live my life noticing God’s movements around me. I’m always looking, trying to recognize him in my day-to-day. I write down what I see and hear and experience, and those little one-liners often turn into longer pieces of writing, poems or songs. My words are my response to his presence. The more time I spend noticing him, the more I recognize him when he moves.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Some people divide things sacred and things secular. But you know, God can surprise us in unlikely places. How do you find spiritual renewal in so-called "nonspiritual" activities?

Rest. I hit the ground running the moment I was born, and I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped. I think I’m afraid of what would happen if I stopped. Will the world implode? Probably, is what my brain tells me. Logically, I know that rest is important. Irrationally, I believe I am exempt from it. Spiritually, I know that rest is a need woven into our DNA by our Creator. I’m learning how to turn down the dials in my brain and rest in the safety of a God who wouldn’t hardwire us to need something he can’t provide. For me, that looks like shutting my computer and watching a show instead of trying to write from an empty brain. It’s leaving the kitchen counter a little cluttered to sit on the floor and play with my two-year-olds. It’s taking deeper breaths, longer showers and moving slower through my life.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith. But you know about some really great stuff too. What are three of your favorite resources?

After I experienced spiritual abuse and a traumatic relational wound, I spent some time thrashing. I was angry, traumatized and heartbroken. My pain had no target, so everybody and everything became the targets. People were a threat, so I pushed everyone out. Around the time I started to realize this was pretty harmful, I was introduced to a ministry called Life Model Works through another ministry called Lk10. Both communities teach healthy relational practices and live those out in a way that's truly soul-level healing. They live out the idea that “we are happy to be together no matter what,” and they mean it. The “no matter what” part is the tricky part, right? Can you really be happy to be with me if I’m mad? If I’m depressed? If my anxiety is keeping me on edge around you? Turns out, you can. Experiencing that compassion, togetherness and joy, when I was anything but enjoyable to be around, completely transformed the way I interact with my pain and the way I engage with others in their pain. Both communities have a ton of free resources, but two books I recommend adding to your shelf are “Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You” by James Friesen (Life Model) and “Joy Fueled” by John White (Lk10).

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it's done for you.

Listen, it’s gotta be my notes app. My life doesn’t lean toward pen and paper right now (which is my obnoxious writing purist preference), so everything goes in the notes app. Random thoughts throughout the day, ideas for books and topics to write about, poems, grocery lists, funny conversations, things I want to remember, things that I notice. It’s all in there, and my life would be considerably more complicated without it.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So, give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

I’ve spent a lot of time in the last decade of my life writing about hard things. Pain, trauma, mental health. But I had this moment, early last year, as I was dancing and singing my little heart out at the Eras tour. I was 36 years old and had never, in all of my life, felt so free. I wasn’t afraid of what people were perceiving about me, I wasn’t worried about whether or not God approved of me, I wasn’t in a dark place, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than how much fun I was having. Let me tell you something — that took WORK. Lots of boundary-setting, therapy-going, soul-cleansing, hard, stinking work. I was so proud of myself and how far I’d come, and I knew I had to start talking about it.

So I have this itch in me to write about the way I healed from those things and all of the beautiful things that have come from my pain and in spite of it. I’m not sure exactly what that'll look like at this point, but it’s in there, waiting for me to put some words on it.

Kristen believes that God has created us to have a “holy curiosity.” What does it look like to have a curiosity that’s holy in nature? How can curiosity lead us into deeper connections with people and with God? This week, explore new ways of approaching your daily routine with new eyes, with new questions, with new routes. How does adopting a curious mindset help you enjoy God’s creation and your life more fully?

Kristen LaValley is a writer and storyteller whose words offer a refreshing perspective on faith and spirituality and resonate with those who carry tension in their faith. She offers insights that intersect doubt and belief, hope and suffering, beauty and heartache. With a deep love for the Christian faith and a willingness to explore its complexities, Kristen’s writing offers nuanced conversations that challenge readers to think deeply and wrestle with important questions. Kristen lives in Massachusetts with her husband, Zach, and their five children.

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