As an author of several books, speaker, pastor’s wife, mom and grandmother, Lucille Williams has plenty of insight when it comes to relationships. It would be easy to say that her relationship wisdom comes from the fact that she’s been married to the love of her life for 37 years. But that’s not the whole truth. While she does have an incredible marriage, it wasn’t always that way. Lucille readily admits that the first five years of her marriage felt like one, long, unending fight.

Then she and her husband met Jesus, and that’s when everything changed. As Lucille applied the Word of God to her life and learned difficult truths through trial and error, she gained the know-how to do what she does now — equip others to honor Jesus in their relationships.

So be encouraged as you read some of Lucille’s hard-won wisdom. In this interview, she’s sharing about spiritual growth, weaknesses, God-given goals and favorite Christian resources!

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?

My grandparents lived across the street from an Italian restaurant called Spirito’s in Elizabeth, New Jersey. I was actually born in Elizabeth. Thinking about Spirito’s, I can smell the pasta and pizza. Eating at Spirito’s was such a treat for me. Feasting on late-night “pies,” which meant pizza in my family, is a childhood memory that reminds me of so many family celebrations.

Since I’m Italian, family and food always have gone together. If you went to a family member’s home, you could count on coffee and … That’s what we called it — “and,” because you knew plenty of food would be displayed all over the dining room or kitchen table. And if for some reason — God forbid — you didn’t have some “and,” you’d be the talk of the family!

I don’t live in New Jersey anymore, but my big brother does. A few years back, I was visiting my brother at his shore house. When he got home one night after work, we took off to Elizabeth, heading to Spirito’s. The drive was over an hour long, and when we got there, they had just closed. Somehow, my brother convinced them to let us in, and we sat at the bar and ate ravioli. My brother is an attorney, so he can be very persuasive. Big brothers are the best!

Dad moved us from New Jersey to California when I was 7 because, to him, California was “paradise and free of bees.” I lived there most of my life until recently moving to Peoria, Arizona. Still, any Italian dinner around a table feels like home to me.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So, what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?

Okay. This is weird, but I like to watch people eat. I love being around food. After reading my previous answer, you probably understand why. I’m not 600 pounds, but I could be. Wandering through a restaurant looking at the food on people’s plates fascinates me. Dinner with my husband at a restaurant is usually accompanied by him saying, “Stop staring.” I’m very interested in what other guests are eating.

I think it goes back to the fact that, for me, food and family are connected. It brings me so much joy and delight to be with my grandkids and watch them eat. My family is at the core of what drives me. Keeping those family relationships strong is what gets much of my attention. I love that I have a husband who has always encouraged me to keep my priorities in order and understands that I need time with God and family to stay balanced. Yoga helps, too.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness. Every human too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?

One thing I have been learning lately is to love difficult parts of myself, in other words, accepting myself as I am — flaws and all. And going deeper, even learning to love those parts. Making mistakes and acting in ways that are “not pretty” used to cause me so much shame and regret. I’ve learned to self-parent myself and say, “It’s okay you did whatever, and it’s okay you feel like this.”

One deep wound I’ve had since childhood is the feeling of not being wanted. It’s like I have this inner child saying, “Choose me.”

Feeling left out hits me hard. If I hear of friends who got together and, for whatever reason, I was left out, it hurts me. Even if I wouldn’t have wanted to go somewhere or do something, I just wanted to be included. I have to say, there’s that little girl again. And I’m learning that this is just part of me. And I’m beginning to love that part of myself. But it still hurts.

So I guess my answer is that I have this wounded little girl inside of me who wants to be loved, accepted and included.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?

I became a Christian later in life. And then my husband became a pastor. (Being a pastor’s wife was never my plan.) My husband has been a children’s pastor for over 20 years, and we’ve also done family ministry together. So it inspires me to see a husband and wife stick it out through tough seasons and to watch families grow stronger.

But seeing families broken apart is always sad. One week, we asked the kids in Sunday school class when the last time they felt loved was. In my small group, one little girl told me, “I haven’t felt loved in a while. My parents are getting a divorce.” That broke my heart.

I believe if you can help couples, you help the family. That was the inspiration behind my first book, “From Me to We: A Premarital Guide for the Bride- and Groom-to-Be.”

In working with couples, one common theme kept arising. Many Christian couples struggle with intimacy. “The Intimacy You Crave: Straight Talk about Sex and Pancakes” addresses many of those struggles.

I had an incredibly strong-willed daughter. She’s an adult now and an amazing human being, but raising her was a challenge. “The Impossible Kid: Parenting a Strong-Willed Child with Love and Grace” is a book I wrote with my daughter who is now a mother herself. She got to add whatever she wanted at the end of each chapter.

Inspired by my delight in my grandkids, “Turtle Finds His Talent: A Slide-and Find Book: Discovering How God Made You Special” is a book for children ages 0-4.

And to sum it all up, I have a blog where I write about all of the above at LuSays.com, focusing on helping relationships thrive.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it's God when it happens?

The day I was on “Focus on the Family” was one of the best and worst days of my life. I was in Colorado, in a hotel room, and it was about 10 minutes before I was to be picked up to go do my interviews on the show. My son called me and said these horrible words: “Mom, she filed.”

His wife (and they had a son together) filed for divorce.

I felt like my world crashed. My heart was in my stomach as tears rolled down my face. After I got off the phone, I dropped to my knees and cried out in anguish to God. How in the world would I go talk about marriage when my son’s was ending? I remember telling God I couldn’t do it. Then, with my hands literally lifted, I asked God to carry me through — there was no way I could do this in my own power.

My episode on the “Focus on the Family Broadcast” became a “Best Of,” and God and I know why. I now make it a habit to pray like I did that day, even though it was done out of desperation the first time. I mean, I had always prayed that God would guide and direct me in all of my endeavors, including when I sat down to write, but that day is when it really came alive for me. I knew God came through.

As difficult as that season was for our family, it was also a huge blessing. My husband and I could not have been prouder of the way our son handled this divorce. Now, he’s a pastor, remarried to a wonderful woman and raising his son — with another on the way. God carries us through dark times, and he restores our brokenness.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So, spill it, which spiritual practice is workin' best for you right now?

Recently, my dad had open-heart bypass surgery. He and my mom, who has Parkinson’s disease and arthritis, decided to have the surgery near where my sister lives in Orange County, California. My nephew works at the hospital where my dad had his surgery, so my dad got excellent care with family close by.

Soon after the surgery, I decided to travel there to help with Mom and visit Dad while he was in the hospital. My parents are not Christians, and in fact, my dad is an atheist. I expected the trip to be difficult.

But it turned out to be one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. It was refreshing and restoring to my heart to spend days in the hospital with both of my parents, push my mom around in a wheelchair and miss elevators because I was too slow, get lunch with her at the cafeteria, watch my dad get super grumpy with his nurses, crack jokes to get everyone laughing and enjoy my parents in a way I had never done before.

I had so much fun with my mom. We laughed together often. I don’t remember ever having quite that much fun with her in the past. Once Dad was released from the hospital, I slept on the couch so I could help him during the night and that brought me so much joy, too. My leaving was met with tears, sadness and thankfulness for our time together.

In all of this, I could hear God speaking to me — not audibly, mind you — but I definitely heard him saying, “See? I got you! You thought you were going for one reason, and I had a much greater purpose for you.”

We can find and hear God in our every day if we listen for him.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are some resources that have impacted you?

Recently, I’ve been obsessed with the podcast on Christianity Today called “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill Podcast.” Having raised three children who grew up as PKs (pastor’s kids) there’s so much I can relate to.

Two books that have impacted me the most are “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie and “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

“Loving What Is” changed the way I approached life, and “Boundaries” helped me find my “no” and set healthy boundaries with people.

We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it's done for you.

I know this will sound trite, but the Bible has always been my go-to. I know what a mess I am, and I start each day with Bible reading and prayer. This helps me focus on something greater than myself and reminds me to be calm in whatever storms may come each day. Becoming a believer in Jesus Christ later in life, I know what it’s like to go about my days without the help of the Holy Spirit, and I never want to experience that again.

Reading my favorite authors helps me stay grounded as well, like Elisabeth Elliot and Dr. Jim Burns.

QUESTION #8: dream

God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So, give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

At this point in my life, I am learning to pause and wait for what God has next for me. To be quiet. To be still. To ask God what he wants next instead of loading up my schedule.

Years ago, before any of my books were published, I recall hanging out with a friend and floating on a raft in her pool. I remember sharing with her that I was asking God what was next for me and that I was ready for whatever that was. It surpassed my wildest dreams.

I’m guessing more writing will be in my future, but I’m open to the journey God has for me. My heart still breaks for families torn apart and strained from broken relationships — husbands and wives, kids and their parents, families separated.

My heart grieves when I hear about parents disowning their children because they disagree with decisions made or actions taken. My heart breaks when I talk to young people, and older people, who feel as though the church will not accept them for various reasons. I have a love for the church and I want everyone to know they are welcome — no matter what. I want people to know God loves them — no matter what.

You’ve probably heard that around 50% of marriages end in divorce. The true divorce rate, at least in the U.S., is closer to 37%. But even so, that’s a high number — a number that breaks Lucille Williams’ heart.

Why do so many marriages dissolve? Why are so many families split apart? Of course, there’s no simple answer, but if we had to give one, it’d be that we’re fallen people in a fallen world where no one is immune to tragedy.

And yet Jesus offers hope. No matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, or what your family looks like right now — Jesus can redeem it all. He loves to take what’s devastated and broken and make it beautiful, something that reflects his good and kind nature.

That’s Lucille’s prayer for you. And it’s ours, too.

Lucille Williams