Michelle Ami Reyes
12 min read ⭑
“My clients are culturally aware, empathetic and relationally oriented, yet somehow, they keep finding themselves misunderstood and overlooked. What they usually think they need is confidence. What I’ve learned is that they actually need language.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
My go-to meal anywhere is Indian food. I see a lot of memes about Indians going on vacation to different countries and then just eating local Indian food. That is 100% me. Our family recently moved to England, and part of feeling settled in our city was figuring out what our go-to Indian restaurants would be here.
Not surprisingly, Indian food in the U.K. tastes different from Indian food in the U.S. There are some restaurants here that definitely feel catered to a bland English palate (and I say that in love!). Recently, though — actually, on my husband’s and my 16th wedding anniversary — we discovered a hole-in-the-wall desi place, and the food is completely authentic and screams comfort.
We ordered samosas, chole bhature with puffy pooris and a chicken tikka sandwich (more like a panini) and were immediately obsessed. Now, I say, “OK, if I’m sick, or we want to celebrate something, or I just don’t want to cook tonight … I know where to grab some food.” Also, you can always tell when an Indian place is authentic because it’s packed with Indians. That was true for Desi Fusion, and we can’t wait to go back.
Syuhei Inoue; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
I love to read, and I’ve become more intentional about treating reading like a spiritual discipline. My natural orientation is an introvert and homebody, and I’ve realized I don’t just “like” stillness and solitude; I need it for my overall mental health and ability to be at peace throughout the day.
There are days when we’re out and about for hours with people and doing high-energy activities, and if I haven’t taken time to read, I feel drained, angry and easily irritable. You know how some folks say, “Have you eaten today?” or “You’re not you when you’re hungry”? For me, that self-care check-in is, “Have you read today?” or “You’re not you when you haven’t had time to read.”
Reading brings a needed balance to my life as a mom, wife, coach, professor and writer. The rest of the day, my brain is “on” and doing something work-related. But when I do what you might call “pleasure reading,” I can just check out and be immersed in the world I’m reading. Reading is therapeutic to me in the way gardening or working with your hands is for other people. I wake up at 6 a.m. each day (even on the weekends) and spend at least an hour reading. I read mostly fiction, including speculative and crime thrillers, and it’s hands-down one of the most life-giving things in my life.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you confront its power?
In sixth grade, a group of boys in my class stood up, pointed at me and laughed because I had arm hair. It felt cinematic in the worst way. I was sitting in the back corner of the room, and suddenly every 12-year-old turned around to stare. No kid wants to be mocked, but what made it sting was that I was the only brown-skinned girl in my class.
My classmates had no framework for visible arm hair on an Indian American. I didn’t either. I went home that day and shaved my arms. I remember standing in the bathroom, staring at myself, wondering what was wrong with me and why I didn’t look like the blond girls around me. I just wanted to be seen as pretty.
Years later, in college, I visited an art exhibit in Chicago featuring Indian Mughal paintings. The walls were filled with portraits of women who looked like me. They had arm hair. They also had sideburns (like me). And they were undeniably beautiful. That moment rewired something in me. I realized I had been measuring myself against a beauty standard that was never meant for my body or my culture.
Today, I wear short sleeves without thinking twice. I show my arms freely. This is one of the reasons (among many) why representation is so important and the power that seeing people who look like you plays in growing a minority’s confidence and understanding their place in the world.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
I’m a leadership coach, a professor of cultural engagement at Wheaton College and the award-winning author of Becoming All Things: How Small Changes Lead to Lasting Connections Across Cultures. As a leadership coach, I help people who don’t fit dominant cultural norms be themselves and advance as leaders. This includes ethnic minorities, but also women in male-dominated fields, folks who identify as neurodivergent and folks living cross-culturally.
My clients are culturally aware, empathetic and relationally oriented, yet somehow, they keep finding themselves misunderstood and overlooked. What they usually think they need is confidence. What I’ve learned is that they actually need language.
In my coaching program, Success Culture, we pair leadership development with cultural healing, mindset shifts and embodied practice. Many women tell me this work has done more for them than years of therapy because they finally had space to integrate healing with action. One client recently told me she no longer feels anxious about being “different.” Where she once felt unseen and undervalued, she now feels grounded, empowered and equipped with language for who she is and clarity about how she leads best.
That, to me, is success — not fitting in better, but standing more fully in who you already are.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
I’ve been focusing lately on the peace of God. I’ve found that centering on peace steadies my nervous system and keeps me calmer and happier throughout the day.
Most mornings, before I touch email or work, I sit quietly in my living room (my kids are still asleep), and I do a slow facial massage, breathing deeply and exhaling the word “peace.” Then I recite Philippians 4:7, saying, “And may the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, guard my heart and my mind.”
If I’ve had a peaceful day yesterday, I also thank God for the calm, and ask God to make my current day more peaceful.
I know this is such a small practice, but it’s honestly been so transformative for me. When I skip it, I feel scattered and reactive. When I keep it, I’m calmer, more joyful and more present to the people in my life as well as my work.
Just yesterday, my kids had a whole bunch of slime explode in our living room, and I was able to just take a deep breath, talk with them about what went wrong, clean up and move on. That’s how I know this peace is from God. The fruit doesn’t show up merely as a rage block; rather, I genuinely feel like a better person, parent and coach, where I’m showing up from a place of love, not anger.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
Writing. Embracing my creative side has helped me feel alive right now. Not just nonfiction, but also creative writing (like short stories). The identity of a creative is something I’ve wrestled with my whole life as an Indian American.
Even as a child, I felt like writing stories had to be a hidden practice because what was culturally expected was for me to do something in STEM, i.e., to become a successful doctor, lawyer or businesswoman. I know this is a struggle for a lot of other ethnic minority women, too. We weren’t taught to be creative or felt like we had permission to express this side of ourselves because it’s not often monetarily rewarded. Being creative isn’t automatically a pathway to “success” in a Western, financial kind of way.
Scripture has helped reframe this for me. In Exodus 35:31, we’re told that God filled Bezalel (the chief craftsman to build the tabernacle) “with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, understanding, and skill in all kinds of crafts.” His creativity wasn’t accidental. It was Spirit-given.
That realization changed how I see my writing. When I write, I’m not indulging myself or stepping away from faithfulness. I’m stewarding a gift God placed in me. Like the runner, Eric Lidell, saying, “When I run, I feel God’s pleasure.” Writing has become a way of saying yes to how God made me, and in doing so, I feel more whole, more faithful and more alive.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
These three books have helped me live more integrated and honest before God and others:
1) David Livermore’s Leading with Cultural Intelligence gave me language for the values I had felt my whole life but couldn’t name. Becoming CQ certified and learning to administer CQ assessments helped me see that my preferences and instincts weren’t liabilities to overcome but capacities to steward. Having the language of cultural values gave me confidence to show up fully rather than code-switching my way through life.
2) Erin Meyer’s The Culture Map sharpened my ability to effectively engage cross-culturally. This book offers practical frameworks for understanding how culture shapes communication, authority, trust and conflict. Reading it was like being handed a decoder that allowed me to say, “Ah, this is why this person is that way.” It helped me stop personalizing misunderstandings and start interpreting them more neutrally and strategically.
3) From Every People and Nation by J. Daniel Hays grounded conversations on culture, race and diversity in Scripture. It’s really, really good. It challenged me to think more deeply about identity, ethnicity and unity in Christ without resorting to simplistic faith answers. That book gave me a theological home for cultural complexity and helped align my faith with the fullness of who God created me to be.
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
Technology helps my spiritual life, but not in the obvious ways. I’m not someone who’s shaped by apps or digital trackers. What matters more to me is the experience of the tools I use, especially for writing.
When I bought my last computer, I didn’t first compare features. I stood in the store and typed on each keyboard. I paid attention to how my fingers landed, the sound of the keys, the rhythm they invited. It reminded me of Frank in You’ve Got Mail, who bought two typewriters simply because he loved the click of the keys. I understand that impulse. The right sound and resistance create a kind of focus that pulls me into presence.
I bring the same care to analog tools. I’m particular about pens and paper. Not every notebook inspires creativity for me. I prefer a little texture, something like papyrus, paper that feels older and slower. Choosing tools that act as part muse, part channel for my creative thinking helps bring out the best in my ideas. And in this tactile space, I often sense God most clearly. Not rushing me forward, but meeting me in the act of making.
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Living in England has stirred something new in me creatively. I feel a renewed energy and joy for book writing that I haven’t felt in years. It’s been a while since I last wrote a book, but I sense that God has placed many more inside me, and this season feels like an invitation to let them surface.
Being in a new country, listening to new accents, navigating unfamiliar systems and building relationships across cultures have already sparked fresh language and ideas. I’m especially enjoying connecting with other expats and sharing both the joys and challenges of life abroad (like not being able to find a turkey at Thanksgiving ... also, they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here). I’m now the American learning to love free health care, wearing wellies more often than not and driving on the left side of the road.
All of it has given me new cross-cultural reflections on life in America and the U.K., from how people engage politics and friendship to how they experience church and community. It feels like fertile ground, and I’m excited to see what grows from it.
In 1993, Cool Runnings, starring John Candy, debuted at the box office, delighting audiences around the world. The film about an unlikely Jamaican bobsled team competing in the Olympics earned nearly $155 million globally, making it an instant success.
There’s a reason films like Cool Runnings are so popular. We love to see the underdogs persevere and prove they have what it takes after all. When the world shouts, “You don’t belong here!”, we want to show them, “Yes, I do!”
In reality, many people are made to feel like they don’t belong — and not just in sports. It happens in our schools, our work places and even our churches. But the truth is that every single one of us is made in the image of God and reflects him uniquely. Each one of us is worthy of love. At least, Jesus thought so when he laid down his life for the entire world. And isn’t that a better narrative than one rooted in stereotypes and exclusion? Isn’t that a story worth spreading?
Michelle Reyes, Ph.D., is a professor of cultural engagement at Wheaton College, the award-winning author of Becoming All Things, and the founder of Success Culture Coaching. A culturally informed leadership coach and certified Cultural Intelligence (CQ) facilitator, she has equipped more than 1,000 leaders globally — from CEOs and executive directors to pastors, managers, consultants and missionaries — to lead with cultural authenticity and move beyond performative inclusion toward practices that transform organizations and communities. Her work has been featured in Christianity Today, NPR, Good Morning America and The New York Times.