Paul Demer
11 min read ⭑
“Sharing music with folks who are experiencing dementia, feeling lonely and forgotten, or going through a medical crisis is humbling, sobering and sometimes heart-rending work. God regularly uses these concerts to get me outside of myself, and I’m sure that this work colors all of my other pursuits.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
My favorite hometown restaurant is not just a restaurant. It’s also an urban farm, a market, a coffee shop, and a tiny house village. Bonton Farms is about a 10-minute drive south of downtown Dallas in a former food desert.
My wife, Trisha, and I actually had our wedding ceremony and reception there in May 2021. After exchanging vows and sharing a service of Word and Sacrament with our guests, the kind folks at the farm treated us to a truly beautiful meal while a light rain fell on the garden. The wedding coordinator had asked us what we’d like to eat, and we told her that her chef could make whatever was in season. Our wedding supper was an unusual feast of Boston Butt (or cauliflower steak for our meatless friends), collard greens, homemade biscuits with Bonton honey, garden salad and blackberry scones. It was glorious.
Trisha and I often go back to the farm on Monday, our day off. We’ll sit in Adirondack chairs in the garden and read, talk, or just look out at the rows of collard greens and enjoy the sounds and smells of the garden. We’ll pet the goats, get lunch and a coffee, and go for a walk on the nearby Buckeye trail. It’s become a sacred place for us to reconnect and enjoy time together in God’s good creation.
Bonton Farms
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
I enjoy moving my legs, whether slowly or more quickly.
Several times a week, Trisha and I go for a walk in our neighborhood. It’s best to go early in the morning or right after dinner. We’ll walk up and down a certain street, checking the Little Free Library at the halfway point. Topics that are hard to approach while sitting at dinner often feel more mentionable while we’re moving. Walking is therapeutic.
We run, too, but that’s something we mostly do separately (Trish is faster than I am). I’ll wear earbuds and listen to a record, start to finish, or check mix revisions for whatever project I’m working on at the time. I’m not naturally athletic, but this year, I’ve been trying to run on a consistent schedule. It has been good for me — both for my stomach and my soul.
God gives us these amazing bodies to steward and, since turning 30, I’ve been trying to steward mine a bit better. When I’m feeling good and the breeze is at my back, running can feel like worship. I’ll air-drum along with whatever song I’m listening to and praise God for the breath in my lungs. But many days, running is pretty hard for me. I’ll feel lousy and consider quitting altogether, and then I’ll remember that God asks us to do hard things and endure. Sometimes just trying my best to finish the race set out for me is an act of worship, too.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
Like I said, I’m not a sporty guy. I’m a bit competitive, but I’ve always lacked the chutzpah — that dynamite that makes things happen. Maybe fear is my kryptonite. Looking back over my life, I’ve sometimes moved a bit slowly. I have a contemplative bent, so seeing from both sides and counting the cost have slowed me down. But so has fear. It was scary to take a leap of faith and move out on my own for the first time. To risk failure trying to do the work I was meant to do. To say “I do.”
God always meets me on the other side of my fear. But building up the momentum to take a leap of faith is hard for me. Sometimes being a person of conviction is hard, too. I’m a peaceful guy and I want to be liked by everyone (see Romans 12:18). I think this is a good thing. But sometimes I lie by omission to avoid conflict. Sometimes I’m scared to tell the truth when the truth is hard. Love is a long game that requires bravery and grace. God calls us to tell the truth, “for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25, ESV).
I’ve been scared of good risks. I’ve settled for an absence of conflict in place of a true shalom. There’s some pain there that I’m healing from. Lord, teach me to trust your leading even when I’m scared. Please teach me to be honest, humble, and truly peace-full.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
I spend my professional time leading music at my church, releasing my own music, producing music for other artists, and (surprise) singing in nursing homes. These pursuits may seem disconnected, but I see them all as ways to be a peacemaker and to make music that brings people together.
When I’m picking songs for my church to sing, I’m thinking about the people in our congregation and their stories. As I read and pray over the lectionary passages for the week, I try to find songs that connect the Scriptures with our lives.
Similarly, when I write songs, I’m trying to make connections. For a while, I wrote songs inspired by my life and the lives of my friends and family (see my albums “I’m Glad You’re Still Around” and “On the Way Back Down”). Songwriting can be a powerful vehicle for empathy. Writing songs from the perspective of friends who are suffering has helped me to be a better friend and helped others to feel seen. More recently, I’ve been releasing music for the church (see my album “Hymns”), but my heart is still the same. I want to make believable music that’s inspired by both love and suffering. Isn’t that juxtaposition the beautiful paradox of our faith?
Over the last few years, I’ve been producing records for friends. I’ve been so fortunate that I haven’t had to look for clients. Collaborations have just happened naturally, and I’ve never worked with someone I didn’t like. Getting to produce records for friends like Caroline Cobb, Graham Jones and Liturgical Folk has been one of the great joys of these last few years. I believe that their music is good for the world, and I’m delighted to help them craft it.
Finally, I’ve been playing music in nursing homes and other healthcare facilities for over 10 years now. I’ve gotten to play over 1,500 therapeutic concerts in partnership with a nonprofit called Texas Winds Musical Outreach. Sharing music with folks who are experiencing dementia, feeling lonely and forgotten, or going through a medical crisis is humbling, sobering and sometimes heart-rending work. God regularly uses these concerts to get me outside of myself, and I’m sure that this work colors all of my other pursuits.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
My pastor and I sometimes look at each other after service on Sundays and share in unspoken delight and gratitude. We don’t meet during the week to talk about song selections or sermon direction. We just read the same passages and pray about them, and amazingly, on most Sundays, the Scriptures, the songs, and the sermon just line up. This is the Holy Spirit’s doing.
I don’t have a seminary education, and I’ll confess that sometimes when it’s busy season, I pick the songs too quickly. There have certainly been weeks when I’ve worried that I wasn’t prayerful enough in my selections, but God has shown up in spite of me. Conversely, sometimes I get proud and think about how good of a church musician I am because the songs always seem to click — until they don’t. Ha! God has a good sense of humor and he keeps me humble. “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” (Psalm 127:1, ESV).
Still, God’s architecting of beautiful worship in spite of my limitations and sin gives me all the more reason to love him and trust him. Leading my church family in song on a Sunday morning is, hands down, my favorite thing that I get to do. God has been so kind to rekindle wonder and worship by making connections I didn’t even know were there.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it — which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
Spiritual practices can be tough for me. I’ve got enough of an achiever personality that it’s easy to see a discipline as a box to be checked. Maybe that’s not all bad. I check the “read Scripture and pray” box just about every day, and it continues to be the most life-giving spiritual practice for me.
I get up and make a coffee with my AeroPress and then read a psalm and a passage or two (it works better if I don’t check my phone first). I follow the daily office lectionary and find it super helpful. It gets me reading from the Old and New Testaments at the same time and helps me to see Jesus all over the whole Bible. I’ll reflect on the passages and think about how they intersect with my life. Then I’ll write my prayers in a journal or speak them out loud if nobody is home. I’m a verbal processor, and I’ve found it helpful to write and talk to God like he’s right there with me (he is).
On days when I can’t find words to pray, I lean on the prayers of the church. “The Book of Common Prayer” is a treasure trove of Scriptures, psalms and “greatest hits” from the mothers and fathers of the church. It has been so helpful. I thank God that the spiritual life is a gift, not something I can conjure up through my own effort.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources — lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
Jon Foreman’s music (with Swiftchfoot and as a solo artist) changed my life. I was raised by loving Christian parents in a healthy church. I’ve never known life without God’s presence, but it wasn’t until I was a preteen that faith became personal. My spiritual awakening coincided with my musical awakening. Jon’s music gave me a vision for a spirituality that blurred the lines between sacred and secular. His honest lyrics gave me language for my greatest hopes and fears. He has affected me more than any other songwriter. Check out his “Seasons” EPs.
A close second is Andy Gullahorn. If Jon’s music was the soundtrack to my adolescence, Andy’s has been the tune of my adulthood. At 30, his songs about deep friendship, local community and the power of small things help me understand this season of life. I’m not a rockstar in a touring band like I might have hoped when I was 13. I’m a son, a husband, a church member, a neighbor and a friend. Andy writes about all this and more. Check out his song “Someone to You.”
Shane Claiborne is an author and activist who has influenced me greatly. Shane is known for melting down guns and forging them into garden tools. This image, borrowed from the prophets Isaiah and Micah, gives you a good sense of the provocative peacemaking Shane has been doing for years. He reminds me that Jesus reaches into every part of our lives and culture. Check out his book “Jesus for President.”
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season — and tell us what it’s done for you.
The music of Sufjan Stevens has been a close companion as of late. His catalog is vast and his genre-bending style is eclectic, to say the least. The quality, diversity and collaborative nature of his work inspire me in this current season of producing records for other artists.
Sufjan strikes me as someone who genuinely loves art and lets it take him where it will, regardless of what it might mean for his brand and career. The way he releases music — frequently, varied in form and scope, and without hype or fanfare — might be just as impactful as the music itself.
He creates out of an overflow of wonder, sorrow, and joy, and this feels deeply human. Known for doing things the “wrong” way, he records with unorthodox methods (see his famous TapeOp article) and is unusually aloof from the social media hustle that consumes most modern artists. His work and way of being in the world have been so helpful for me lately.
The album that got me hooked is “Carrie & Lowell,” but if that one is too heavy, check out my other favorite, “Illinois.”
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
I’m an only child and an introvert. I spent 10 years performing as a solo act almost every weekend. I spent many years leading worship by myself at small churches. I can be pretty creative on my own. But when I look out on the horizon, I see opportunities for collaboration.
The shift has already started as I’ve been spending less time performing solo shows and more time producing music for other artists. Of course, the biggest collaboration of all has been marriage — crafting a life together. Trisha is an excellent musician in her own right, and I’d love to get to work together more often. We’re about to start playing Texas Winds Outreach concerts together, and we often lead worship as a duo. As our church community grows, I’d like to start incorporating other musicians. Having led solo for so long, it feels intimidating, but I think it’s probably time.
Another big dream is to spend more time investing in our local songwriting community, specifically through Art House Dallas. Most of the artists I produce come from Art House, and sometimes, I dream about starting a co-op recording studio/creative co-working space for our community. I haven’t really said that out loud before, but there it is!
For now, I work at home in our guest-room-turned-recording-studio. Even in this humble place, God has given me so many amazing opportunities to make peaceful music that brings people together. I’m thankful.
In Jesus’ most famous sermon, he said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9, ESV).
What does it mean to be a peacemaker? Is it simply maintaining the status quo, refusing to rock the boat? Apparently not — Jesus regularly pushed societal boundaries in what he said and did.
We find the greatest example of what it means to be a peacemaker in Jesus’ death on the cross. In that final sacrifice, he lovingly gave up his own life to bridge the gap between us and God the Father. Where we used to be God’s enemies, now we are his friends and his children.
Making peace isn’t always quiet. It’s not always demure. But it always obeys God. It always loves. It always gives. How can you be a peacemaker this week?
Paul Demer is a singer-songwriter, record producer, outreach musician and worship leader who connects with diverse audiences in his hometown of Dallas, Texas, and across the country. Passionate about the craft of songwriting, he’s released several albums of original music. In addition to producing his own records, Paul produces records for singer-songwriters in the Art House Dallas community and beyond. He’s played over 1,500 concerts in local nursing homes and hospitals in partnership with the nonprofit Texas Winds Musical Outreach, and he currently serves as a music minister at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Cathedral.
