As an Indian American raised in the Appalachian foothills of Alabama, Prasanta Verma understands what it is to feel like you don’t belong. As a public health professional, author, poet and academic, she’s explored the roots and effects of ethnic loneliness and isolation. Through her book on the topic, “Beyond Ethnic Loneliness,” she not only explores this topic but also invites readers to envision a way toward authentic community and safe friendship.

In today’s conversation, she’s digging deeper into our need to belong, what that looked like for her in her growing-up years compared to today and her favorite ways to unwind and refresh her mind, emotions and spirit.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

The meals we enjoy are about so much more than the food we eat. So how does a “go-to” meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?

I love this question because it’s about food. I grew up in Alabama, and that’s where I learned to love fried okra and fried green tomatoes. (True story: I love fried green tomatoes. I once even wrote a poetic ode to them.)

But my go-to favorite meal is Indian food — really good, authentic Indian food. I think it’s because it reminds me of home and my mother’s cooking, which we ate in our own home in rural Alabama. We had to drive over two hours across the border to Atlanta to get ingredients at an Indian grocery store. In those days, eating Indian was an exotic thing for people in our hometown.

When my parents hosted dinner parties, people raved about my mother’s cooking. If we wanted to eat Indian food, it had to be homemade. Truth be told, I didn’t appreciate it as much back then. I stayed a long time in the “I want to be everyone else teenager phase,” eating pizza and burgers.

But now? Oh, now, it’s my go-to. Chana Masala (seasoned chickpeas), a flavorful Biryani (a fragrant chicken and rice dish) or Saag Paneer (spinach and “cheese”) are not only delicious but remind me of who I am and where I’m from. This food reminds me of my Indian cultural identity, which I’ve come to appreciate and love instead of despise as I did as a youngster. Food has been part of the journey of reclaiming my cultural and ethnic heritage.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity do you love engaging in that also helps you find essential spiritual renewal?

I really love this question, too. And to be honest, it took me a while to think about it, because my first thought was that I’m too boring. What kind of quirky thing do I do? Then, I realized we are all quirky — me included — and my kids are quick to let me know. So I realized, Oh yeah, I have some.

As part of this journey to reclaiming this part of my identity that I left behind, some years ago, I began watching Bollywood movies and listening to Bollywood music. I have now seen a number of the original Bollywood films (with English subtitles). (If you need any recommendations based on what’s on Netflix, just ask!) One of the highlights of a true Bollywood film is the song and dance — most of the originals are also musicals (although that’s changing now).

When I really want some peppy music in the background, I turn on Bollywood music, especially when washing dishes or cooking a meal. I dare anyone not to dance with an upbeat Bollywood tune in the background.

Can I find God in a Bollywood musical? I don’t know for sure. But I can say this. One thing that Bollywood doesn’t do is shy away from talking about religion. Questions of faith and spirituality are openly mentioned and displayed; it is part of their culture. And it makes me think. I ask myself, What do I believe about this or that? I’m not in a place of 100% certainty about many things. For a while, it felt strange to be here. But now, I’m finding hope in that. I like the expansiveness of being able to ask questions and having room to doubt. I like the room to spiritually breathe and not be stuck in a platitude.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power head-on?

Where to start? Which one should I talk about? I admit to being really impatient. It’s a character flaw. It shows up when I drive — and I don’t mean any harm to anyone. I’m just letting off steam if people cut me off or do dumb things that endanger us all on the road while driving. My kids call me out on it all the time. Now it’s like second nature, and I need those voices to remind me that maybe I can shake it off.

But maybe there’s something deeper, and it has to do with control. Maybe it has to do with safe spaces where I can be myself and where I can speak. Maybe it has to do with learning how to share how I feel and letting it out in a place I feel in control (while driving my car, to some degree) and not anywhere else.

When I was in school, I was the quiet kid in class. Teachers would often ask my parents, “Does she talk?” I wasn’t shy (although that’s what people thought). I was simply quiet and afraid to speak up for myself, to be myself.

And now, after years, healing, therapy, pondering, prayer and writing, I’ve reclaimed my voice. I’ve learned, first of all, what my voice sounded like and, secondly, what it needed to say. I can say I’ve reclaimed my voice.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?

I have a public health background, and one of the things that concerns me deeply is the loneliness epidemic and the level of isolation and disconnection we’re experiencing in our society. I was thinking about loneliness in terms of people who are in minority groups and how this kind of isolation and disconnection feels for them — coupled with other issues marginalized groups deal with. That led to a book called “Beyond Ethnic Loneliness,” published last year.

And I’m still concerned about the loneliness epidemic. What’s rocking my boat right now is that in addition to the work I do for my day job in addressing food insecurity, I am starting my doctorate in public health.

And now, I’m thinking about researching and writing about belonging, food security and social isolation in some fashion. I don’t know exactly how they all mesh right now, but I want to explore the connections among belonging, food and loneliness. Are they connected? If so, how? What can we do about it?

I want to keep challenging us toward connecting more — more often and more deeply — because I think social connection is a vital part of our overall health, just as important as our physical and mental health. I want us to destigmatize talking about loneliness, because 1 out of every 2 or 3 of us are experiencing it. And AI is going to make it even more critical for us to have genuine human interaction with one another.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?

I’ve had something interesting happen to me while writing. For example, when I was writing my previous book, I had a completely different idea in mind at first. When I first shared that idea with a publisher, they asked for a full proposal and marketing plan, and I froze on that idea for years. Yes, actual years.

Looking back now, I realize it wasn’t the right idea. I thought my hesitancy was because I wasn’t ready to do the full shebang of platform development and a marketing plan. But I recognize now another reason: that it wasn’t the right idea — or the right time for that particular idea.

I had this idea of “ethnic loneliness” come to me as I was lamenting about the loneliness epidemic. It was like a lightning bolt. Quickly, the chapter topics and titles came together. I put together an outline. I started writing sample chapters. It flowed like never before. And when I Googled and researched it, no one had coined or written about “ethnic loneliness” like this. It felt like a complete spiritual push to write about this.

Fast forward to the actual writing of the book, I experienced moments when my words flowed from a place I cannot explain except the spirit. It was in those moments that I experienced a confirmation in my spirit that this was the book that needed to be written — and I was simply a conduit.

And now, as I contemplate the writing of another book, I’ve had a similar experience, except this time the book topic came to me in a dream. Let me just be clear — this never happens to me. I don’t often get dreams of this kind. So this topic is in my mind right now, and it’s related to loneliness and connection, but how it will be fleshed out remains to be seen. (However, I still retain the right to be wrong about any of this.)

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?

What’s working for me to connect with God in this season is this: the natural world.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been living in the upper Midwest under snow piles most of the year for the past nearly 30 years, and because my soul and eyes are starved for green and beauty around me. The winter landscape holds a different kind of beauty, certainly, and a white, pristine snowfall holds its unique magic. However, to me, the cold landscape doesn’t beckon me. It feels aloof. I want warmth, to be drawn in, to be invited. The barren, snowy landscape just doesn’t invite me.

So I find deep rest by being outside during the warmest and sunniest parts of the year, by feasting my eyes and senses on the beauty of green, leafy trees, vibrant flowers and creatures scurrying and flurrying about. It makes my soul happy. It reminds me that seasons are ordained, that there is a time to bloom and live, that death isn’t a forever sentence. It reminds me of hope, of renewal, of strength in tender places. I’m always amazed that anything can survive these harsh winters. Yet each spring, evidence emerges that even the most fragile petals were beating softly within a seed.

Creation emerging and living its short life simply to exist, simply because it was created to exist, reminds me that God has not forgotten the most vulnerable and hurting among us. God cradles the most tender of hearts and souls of this world in the warm womb of divine hands and will continue to breathe life into us again and again, season after season, restoring joy after dark and dry seasons.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and your heart?

One of the top resources on my list, which will forever be on my list, is the book “A Wrinkle in Time” by Madeleine L’Engle. This book opened up my imagination to possibilities, to God, to spirituality. I had never read a book like it (I read it when I was 10), and it has made a huge impact on my life.

Another book that has meant a great deal to me is “Jane Eyre” by Charlotte Brontë. It’s a book about finding one’s voice. It’s a story of courage, dignity, honesty and hope. Jane finds her voice and herself, despite an extremely difficult childhood. It’s a classic that I read every few years or so.

Finally, a third resource to mention is poetry by Mary Oliver. A good book to start with, if you’re new to her poetry, is “Devotions.” It’s a rather large book containing poems from many of her published works and other favorites. Her poetry helps me see the natural world in a new way and prompts me to a place of rest, peace and reassurance that all will be well. Her words remind me to live each day to the fullest, to be fully appreciative of the life I have.

We all have things we cling to to survive or even thrive in our fast-paced, techno-driven world. How have you been successful in harnessing technology to aid in your spiritual growth?

While I do encourage in-person engagement and avoiding isolation, I fully recognize the importance, need and role of technology in our lives. In fact, for me, it’s been a place to remind me I’m not alone. Over the years (before Twitter became X and before it became what it is now), I found many like-minded voices speaking things I was also experiencing on Twitter, and it gave me some comfort to know I was not alone. I also learned things I never knew before; it was a unique exchange of information. You can’t replicate something like that in person — to have hundreds or even thousands of voices speaking up or sharing about an issue or idea, like the #MeToo movement, for example. Technology offered a screen of safety for many women to finally speak up. That provided a healing moment for many — and a wake-up call for the rest of the world. I haven’t found that kind of space since then, not to say it doesn’t exist, but so far, I haven’t found other places to be the same.

One way I use technology now in my spiritual growth is for research. I can research and find historical information and commentaries (like when I was writing devos for “The Message Women’s Devotional Bible”) I could never access before. That is amazing.

Another way I use technology is by listening to all kinds of music. Having access to all genres of music through different apps is a wondrous gift. It calms and uplifts my spirit and heals my soul. Music feels like a regenerative practice that is free and easy and carries amazing benefits. It’s saving me right now, actually, in the midst of uncertain and weird times.

QUESTION #8: dream

God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

I used to think my life would follow a different, more linear path. I thought finishing my education would have happened before I had kids. But I have learned not to say “never” to God. I am learning what it means to live in uncertainty, and there is no one “right” way of doing any of these things.

I have experienced seasons of my life that seemed like wandering in the wilderness, but I’ve come out of those wilderness times wiser and stronger. I know wildernesses and more uncertainties lie ahead. Perhaps we should expect that wilderness wanderings will happen — but with the knowledge we are not alone and that we do have pillars of fire and cloud with us.

So that’s what I’m doing: emerging into the next iteration of who God made me to be. I’m contributing to my community by doing meaningful work. It’s satisfying work, and I’m happy at the end of the day. I’m researching and writing about loneliness and social isolation and thinking more deeply about how to engage more directly in initiatives promoting intentional connection, and I’m excited about these prospects.

I’m dreaming about my next book. I’m dreaming about traveling, too. I’m finally getting my doctorate. These are all items on my list, and by the grace and goodness of God, I am doing them.

What’s next? There is yet another iteration of an as-of-yet dream ahead that has yet to be named. I don’t know all the answers yet. But I trust it will be good. And I believe this is true for you, too.

How do we combat loneliness and isolation in an age of instant gratification and AI, when human interaction is often replaced with automated messages and tasks? How do we purposefully cultivate personal interactions that satisfy that craving for community and belonging deep within?

The Bible has some interesting answers:

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Heb. 10:24,25, ESV).

“And all who believed were together and had all things in common … And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts” (Acts 2:44, 46, ESV).

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 2:6, ESV).

Which verse is speaking the most to you right now? How can you walk it out this week?

Prasanta Verma