Terra McDaniel
9 min read ⭑
“After a series of losses … I was helped toward healing by counseling, prayer, and caring friends—but something was missing. I needed to learn it was safe to engage my grief, confusion, and hard questions. I needed to learn to lament.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
I grew up in east Texas surrounded by pines and excellent cooks. I was treated to fried catfish, hushpuppies, homemade rolls, buttermilk biscuits and gravy (made by my mamaw every day for around 30 years), and produce from backyard gardens. There’s a little less deep-fried food in my diet today, although I never met a french fry I didn’t love.
For the past two decades, Austin has been home. My favorite local spot is an old tire shop turned bodega called Lou’s. The food is incredible, and they have a fire pit for movie nights in the winter. I’m there at least once a week, so most of the kind people who work there know me. I almost always order a magical salad that has kale, cauliflower, pepitas, parmesan, and a tangy tahini vinaigrette with a side of hatch green chili fries.
I’ve eaten there (or have ordered takeout) with family, friends, and colleagues countless times, but my favorite visit by far was when my daughter brought her tiny infant twins across town for the afternoon. We each strapped one of the kids into baby Bjorns and enjoyed a sunny walk to Lou’s as the babies napped.
We ordered and sat down to chat, but were surprised to hear our names being called. My best friend and godchildren had stopped by with some friends from their carpool for a snack. It was a holy moment I will always savor—along with those delicious chili fries.
Trac Vu; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activities do you love and help you find spiritual renewal?
Nearly every evening, I walk my tiny dog on the trails along Lady Bird Lake (named for Lady Bird Johnson). If I’m still at my desk at the end of the day, she’ll come and fix me with her formidable gaze to remind me it’s time to lace up my tennis shoes and get her leash.
The water’s gentle movement never fails to soothe my soul. Sometimes, I listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook (I’m currently loving Bono’s Surrender). The crunch of the gravel grounds me in the moment and my body.
Sometimes, the day falls away in the flow of the soft greens and golds of the trees, the blue of the water that reflects the clouds above, and the smiles of strangers and neighbors. Other times, I puzzle over problems and questions and let them turn into a conversation (sometimes one-sided, sometimes not) with God.
Either way, I get home with a soul that’s at least a little lighter than before.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So, what’s your kryptonite and how do you hide it?
For most of my life, there’s been a pretty loud voice in my head telling me I don’t belong or asking me who the heck I think I am to (fill in the blank). I think it has to do with one parent who wasn’t around much (and didn’t seem all that interested in me when he was) and another parent who could be pretty exacting and critical.
I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to look like I’m confident and at ease when I’m piling on the self-judgment inside. I’ve fought it by chasing perfectionism and by over-functioning for others.
These days, after many years in therapy and meeting with my wise and wonderful spiritual director, the voice of fear and self-loathing is much quieter. I can even manage to speak a little more kindly to myself when I make a mistake or do anything less than out-of-the-park well.
I have a tattoo on my wrist with the words “courage, dear heart” to remind me that I belong, am loved, and have everything I need to keep showing up with the best of me in the world.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your obsession? And why should it be ours?
After a series of losses in my family that included a death threat, fraud, painful experiences in ministry, and a catastrophic house fire, I was helped toward healing by counseling, prayer, and caring friends—but something was missing.
I needed to learn it was safe to engage my grief, confusion, and hard questions. I needed to learn to lament. Hopeful Lament: Tending Our Grief Through Spiritual Practices (IVP, 2023) is what I wish I had known before living through so much loss.
Many of us are not okay right now after a pandemic and widespread division and upheaval. I want people to understand that lament is not negativity or weakness but simply telling the truth about loss, pain, or injustice. It’s an expression of love that trusts God cares about our pain, anger, doubt, and fear. I want to help more people see that lament is strangely hopeful because it lets grief move through us so that it doesn’t stay stuck, which only causes more suffering over time.
I’ve heard from many that, although the idea of lament resonates with them, they don’t really know how to engage it. That’s why Hopeful Lament is full of practical ways of practicing lament individually, in community, and with families and children.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
As a spiritual director, I get the gift of accompanying others as they hear their own biggest questions or most profound wisdom. That old idea of people somehow being the reflection of God is regularly tangible for me as I bear witness to grace, grief, growth, and everything in between in the lives of those I host.
Whenever the headlines tempt me to despair of goodness or kindness in the world, I return to hope by remembering the way they each reflect the holy in their particularity.
As for writing, I find it to be a kind of alchemy. There’s a great phrase in Eugene Peterson’s version of Psalm 12 about how God has a word kiln. If God does, I think we do, too. For me, ideas often develop over time. I have stacks of notebooks where I’ve scrawled notes that get formed into clarity over weeks, months, or years.
I know I’m on the right track when my chest is buzzing with electricity and there are tears (whether of joy or sorrow) on my cheeks. At those moments, I sense a Voice in addition to my own, a kind of conversation, echoes of something beyond myself.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied actions that open our hearts to the presence of God. So spill it, which spiritual practice is workin’ best for you right now?
I spend nearly every morning with a cup of coffee, the lectionary passages for that morning, and Wordle. It’s the calm before the storm and a time for me to return to the stories of Love unfolding in the world, which I’ve been in conversation with since I was a little girl.
Lately, I’ve been creating mandalas about once a week or so. Mandalas are circles or eggs that illustrate a prayer, vision, or hope. They can be created in sand or gravel or drawn on paper. The 12th-century writer, composer, philosopher, mystic, and visionary Hildegard of Bingen often saw her visions of heaven and the created world in the form of mandalas, which her interpreter later painted.
Mine are less sophisticated and definitely more playful than Hildegard’s and sometimes include crayons, paint, markers, or collage elements. Sometimes, a mandala is my best attempt to portray something I’ve seen in my mind’s eye as I’ve prayed. Sometimes, they illustrate a poem or passage. Sometimes, they reflect the questions that keep me up at night.
The idea of drawing or creating as prayer is new for me and has been a wonderfully different way into conversation with the Holy. It helps me connect with my intuition and discernment instead of staying stuck in my head or even my heart.
I have a notebook devoted to my mandalas and often journal about the drawing process and what I sense after making one. Paging through my notebook is to see an illustrated guidebook for the terrain God and I have been traversing together.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Our email subscribers get free ebooks featuring our favorite resources—lots of things that have truly impacted our faith lives. But you know about some really great stuff, too. What are three resources that have impacted you?
A General Theory of Love by Richard Lannon, M.D., (et. al) was life-changing. It helped me understand the wonder that is the human brain and offered insights into how connections and relationships work and why. Although written by scientists, the book is warm, accessible, and inspiring.
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue was a gift to my soul. In it, John discusses the lost art of blessing as speaking love and kindness over another and inviting God into that. The book has blessings for all kinds of moments, including desires, thresholds, homecomings, callings, heart states, and endings. John wrote with grace and humor. I’ll share a passage by way of introduction (and hope it’s true for you in the coming days): “May all that is unlived in you/Blossom into a future/Graced with love.”
The On Being podcast hosted by Krista Tippett is another favorite. I love the meandering conversations and the diversity of the guests. I love the deep dives into their best insights into how to be more fully human. A few of my favorite conversations are the ones Krista had with Mary Oliver, Naomi Shihab Nye, and Kate DiCamillo.
We all have things we cling to to survive (or thrive) in tough times. Name one resource you’ve found indispensable in this current season—and tell us what it’s done for you.
Strong Like Water by Aundi Kolber and her previous work, Try Softer, have been nothing short of miraculous for me. I’ve shared copies of both with friends and family.
Aundi is a Christian therapist with a history of complex trauma like me. She offers an alternative to boot-strapping faith or powering through. I’m reading through it again slowly right now, engaging each practice she offers, and finding my soul and spirit profoundly nourished.
I’m thinking a lot about what it means to be more emotionally and spiritually whole for its own sake and because of what goodness might overflow from that healing for those I love.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
The seeds of my next project are germinating. As is often the case for me, what I write is what I most need to learn. And what I’m exploring is about the power and limits of memory, passing on an inheritance of healing to future generations, and the sacramental power of rest.
It’s the opposite of grind culture. It has to do with the interconnections of sabbath, justice, and joy. I trust the questions that are swirling in me because they foster both joy and a little trepidation, too. It feels like a call further up and further in—in ways I can only glimpse so far.
The way we grieve says a lot about how much we trust God.
To some, bottling up sorrow may seem like the most spiritual thing to do. But could it actually be a sign that we—as Terra pointed out earlier in our interview—don’t trust that God cares about our pain? Could it reveal that we don’t truly believe he can handle our hurts and heal us?
The Bible is clear that God is close to the brokenhearted (see Psalm 34:18), that the Holy Spirit comforts us in our grief (see 2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and that Jesus will wipe away every tear from our eyes (see Revelation 21:4). He’s not afraid of our lament—and neither should we be.
In what ways can you trust God more with your sorrow?
Terra McDaniel is a spiritual director, writer, teacher, and supervisor who loves making space for people of all ages to tune into the holy and their own souls. She is the author of Hopeful Lament: Tending Our Grief Through Spiritual Practices. She received an M.Div. with a concentration in spiritual formation from Portland Seminary. Terra and her husband live in Austin, Texas, with their rescue dogs, Edie and Albert. She’s thankful her daughter, son-in-law, and twin grandchildren are only a 10-minute drive away. You can find her online at terramcdaniel.com and on Instagram @terramcdaniel.
