Build Success Slowly; Avoid Instant Gratification
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: In the five years I’ve been out of college, I’ve seen many of my peers already getting everything they want: great jobs, nice homes, travel, etc. But I can’t help but notice that they still seem unhappy. I guess I want to take things slower — is that weird?
Jim: Everywhere we look, we’re surrounded by the danger signs of a world moving WAY too fast. From fast food to microwaves, mobile phones to on-demand streaming, we’ve become accustomed to easy and immediate results. The pressure to produce more in less time is constantly increasing. In the process, the ingredients we need to live well-rounded lives are being stripped away. That creates two big problems.
The first is a widespread attitude of entitlement and impatience. People want what they want, and they want it right now. We’ve forgotten that authentic success can’t be rushed — it generally takes hard work over a long period of time. But when people lose sight of this truth, they take problematic shortcuts to achieve maximum results with minimal effort. Think about athletes caught in doping scandals, or individuals hoping to lose weight without exercising or eating right. The list is endless.
A second problem with instant gratification is that it actually undermines and weakens character. Building success slowly gives us a chance to develop as people. And as our character is strengthened, so is our ability to handle success. Far too many people have raced to the top, only to lose it all ... because they lacked the character to handle the responsibility their success necessitated.
The faster our world moves, the more diligent we must be to pursue not only success, but character as well. As one writer expressed it: “We all want to be, but few of us are willing to become.”
So, I don’t think you’re “weird” — I think you’re wise.
Q: My school-aged son has issues paying attention. How do I know whether he has ADHD? And even if he doesn’t, how can I help him?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Inattentiveness isn’t unusual in school-aged kids. However, formally diagnosing attention issues requires an extensive evaluation by a qualified professional — including assessing your child’s ability to function well at home, school and other settings.
In general, though, many things can contribute to a child’s struggles to pay attention. Your son might be under-focused — or he may be over-focused. Either scenario will require your understanding, patience and guidance.
If your son tends to be nervous or has difficulty letting certain thoughts go, he likely needs help unclogging his mental traffic jam. Patiently guide him in exploring what triggers his anxious thoughts. Help him learn to understand and respond properly to these thoughts as they show up throughout the day.
One strategy is to help him notice what he is trying to avoid — and why. Ask him what he sees and what he thinks might happen. Then steer him toward other ways of viewing the same scenario. Set goals and moments of celebration for him as he sorts his mental traffic jam and gets traffic flowing so he can pay attention to other thoughts.
You might find that your son seems to jump from one thought to another — as if his mind is chasing multiple shiny things at once — but simply can’t refocus his brain no matter how hard he tries. This could possibly be a sign of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (inattentive type). Contact your son’s pediatrician or a child counselor, licensed clinical social worker or psychologist to consider a formal evaluation and plan.
There are many helpful strategies to help your son learn to direct and manage his attention as he matures. To explore more, visit FocusOnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.
