Busy Mom Feels the Pressure
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I’m a wife and mom with two busy school-age kids and a preschooler. I’m also employed full-time. Our family’s schedule is packed; there’s so much to do that I feel compelled to produce All. The. Time. It’s like I have to be Superwoman — and I feel guilty about not measuring up. Help?!
Jim: Let’s just say it: Nobody needs to be able to “do it all.” In fact, I think it’s overly prideful to think that we can. That approach to life produces unhealthy and destructive stress.
Our counselors here at Focus on the Family have suggested a few strategies for minimizing strain:
Don’t feel pressured to produce every time you have a block of free time. For example, turn your preschooler’s weekend nap time into “you” time and engage in some self-care.
Involve the older kids in family decision-making and household chores. Give them a chance to help you bear the burden.
Consider strategically limiting your children’s extracurricular activities to one or two favorites. With less running around, you’ll hopefully find more quality time for family togetherness.
Connect with other working moms. Share ideas, meal prep, organizational tips and suggestions for fun things to do as a family. Save time by joining a carpool.
Be sure to regularly set aside time to connect with your husband. Even if your marriage is solid, regular date nights will strengthen the bond between you and benefit your entire family.
Along those lines, assess your family’s priorities. Are you chasing after unnecessary material things but losing your connections in the process?
When it’s all said and done, one of the best things you can do for yourself, your marriage, and your entire household is to keep life simple. Make a goal to breathe deeply, smell the flowers and enjoy everyday pleasures. And don’t get down on yourself if you can’t do it all — nobody can.
Q: My 13-year-old thinks her good friend is cutting herself. When she asked about it, the girl said she got scratched by some bushes. How can my daughter help her friend?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: You are right to be concerned. Cutting is an emotional escape that can surface in both boys and girls, most commonly during the middle school years. Most people who damage their own bodies in this way don’t necessarily intend to die. Many times, self-harm is done to gain a sense of relief from emotional distress. But unfortunately, this behavior can turn into a vicious cycle of temporary “relief” followed by intense shame and guilt.
According to the American Psychological Association, 17% of teens have engaged in such destructive (albeit non-suicidal) behaviors. So, what should your daughter do? Encourage her to have a caring — but direct — conversation with her friend. Role-play the conversation to provide her with conversational tools and ideas. Brainstorm open-ended questions that she can ask her friend, like:
I’m worried about you — especially if you’re cutting yourself. Talk to me.
Are you OK? I care about you and wonder if you’re hurting yourself. How can I help?
What’s going on? You can trust me.
I can go with you to talk to your parents or the school counselor. But it’s important that you share what’s going on so you can get some help.
If the problem continues, you need to consider talking to the girl’s parents or school counselor for intervention. Cutting is a very serious issue, often indicating the presence of bullying, chronic anxiety or other forms of mental suffering.
Meanwhile, for more specific guidance I would strongly encourage you to contact our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357). And we also offer additional tools and insights at FocusOnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.
