Grandparents Seek Advice on Raising Grandkids
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: Long (sad) story short: My husband and I have recently been granted long-term custody of our two young grandkids. Do you have any advice for us as an older couple having to become "parents again"?
Jim: First, I applaud and thank you for having the courage to assume the responsibility of giving your grandchildren a stable, loving, family-centered home life. I can only scratch the surface here of what your question deserves, but here are a few thoughts.
You've probably already recognized that raising kids can be a very different proposition when it's tackled for the second time in mid- or later life. Your energy levels aren't what they were in your 20s and 30s; you might even be dealing with health issues of your own. So, remember that you have to take care of yourselves to be in condition to take care of the children.
Obviously, you'll need a strong support system. Don't let the renewed demands of parenting cut you off from existing family, friends or neighbors who understand the situation and can come alongside you. Acknowledge your limits and seek help. One way to do this is to join a support group through church, social club or even local government programs.
Never feel guilty about getting away for a break. Taking some time off for yourselves is NOT a sign of weakness — and it will help you (and the children) more than you may realize. Hire a sitter, and/or swap out caregiving with another family. Take advantage of day care centers, church groups, after-school clubs, summer camps, sports programs, etc.
Finally, I strongly recommend connecting with a professional counselor on a semi-regular basis. Whatever was involved in you receiving custody of your grandkids, there was clearly some form of difficult (even traumatic) experience for all concerned. I invite you to start by calling Focus on the Family's Counseling department at 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My husband and I have unfortunately accumulated a fair amount of debt. We both know we need to work out a budget to pay off what we owe. But ... well, we aren't on the same page about the urgency and benefit of becoming debt-free. Help?!?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Money is generally one of the biggest stressors in marriage. So financial expert Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of couples working together in this area.
Bottom line: You'll be much more likely to stick with your budget if you both have the same goals in mind. If your spouse isn't there yet, Ramsey highlights the importance of honest communication. Emphasize your own excitement about getting out of debt. Ask your spouse to read one or two short articles on the benefits of living on a budget. If they're still not on board after that, Dave recommends that you write down some of the points that concern you, and why. Sharing your thoughts and feelings on paper can be an effective way of calmly and respectfully getting your point across.
Often (although not always), it's the woman who is eager to get out of debt while the husband drags his feet. If you're in this situation, Dave Ramsey has one hard-and-fast rule: Don't nag. It rarely works, and it could end up driving a deeper wedge between you and your spouse. Husbands, if your wife has resorted to nagging, step up before it's too late. Getting out of debt and living on a budget is in both of your best interests — so you need to do your part to make it happen.
Like most things in marriage, getting on a sound financial footing is a team effort. For more information to help your relationship thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdaly.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.
