How to Refresh Your Marriage With ‘Spring Cleaning’
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I’d say that our marriage is in pretty good shape, but my husband and I agree that we can probably do even better. We like word pictures — do you have a simple one you could give us with some suggestions?
Jim: I’ve long appreciated an analogy presented by author Kim Wier. Many of us (especially the ladies) think of “spring cleaning” around the house this time of year. That concept can also apply to marriage.
For Kim, who lives in the Deep South, cleaning the house in spring is necessary due to her allergic reaction to pollen in the air. She also realizes that marriages can often be, in her words, “plagued by irritants.” Raising children, pressures at work and financial stress all lead to petty annoyances that can grow into serious relational problems over time. To keep things fresh, Kim offers three simple suggestions:
— First, de-clutter. Decide together on at least one thing you can cut out of your schedules to minimize stress. Meanwhile, work on eliminating grudges (toward each other or someone else). If you need to sort through deeper hurts, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help.
— Second, polish. Kim’s take is to “care for yourselves like you did when you longed to catch each other’s eye.” Commit to regular, focused communication — face-to-face with no distractions.
— Third, make room. Make time for just the two of you. It might just be a five-minute walk here and there. Regular dates are invaluable.
Realistically, every relationship could use a good spring cleaning from time to time. Taking a few moments to sweep away the dust and cobwebs can leave you breathing easier — and your marriage stronger.
Q: My teen has been looking at inappropriate pictures and videos online. I’m worried that he is addicted to pornography. What should I do?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Navigating a teen’s exposure to inappropriate online content can be a daunting challenge for parents. Unfortunately, in today’s digital age, concerns about potential addiction to pornography are common — and real. However, there are several helpful things you can do as you walk this challenging journey with your teen.
Remember, there are always deeper emotional struggles underlying addictive behaviors. These deeper things require conversation and trust to effectively explore and understand. Your teen might be grappling with stress, anxiety, depression, rejection, insecurity or loneliness, using pornography as a temporary escape from emotional pain.
Another possibility is that your teen turns to pornography to alleviate feelings of being overwhelmed, or simply boredom. Teenagers’ brains are particularly vulnerable to activities they perceive as rewarding or risky; a strong dopamine response anticipates the next exposure.
Here are some initial steps to address your teen’s struggle:
— Don’t panic — stay calm and listen. Initiate a conversation with an open mind and unconditional love. Explore the reasons behind their choice without shaming your child, acknowledging the struggle.
— Set clear limits. Implement parental controls and software to restrict access to explicit content. Creating safeguards can help manage your teen’s online activities.
— Have open conversations about sexuality. Foster open dialogues about sexuality, explaining the emotional, mental, relational and physical implications of consuming explicit content.
— Guide them toward healthy sexuality. Counter messages that portray sex as a transaction by guiding your teen toward a responsible view of sexuality. Equip yourself with resources to teach your child to contribute to real relationships rather than merely consuming fakes.
The goal is to have sensitivity and warmth, balanced with clear boundaries and guidance. It requires wisdom, intentionality, clarity, patience and plenty of prayer.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.