How to Support Grandchildren When Parents Divorce
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: Sadly, our daughter is going through a divorce. What can we do as grandparents to help our grandchildren cope with this devastating breakup?
Jim: I'm saddened to hear of this difficult situation. At the same time, your desire to help your grandchildren through this tough period is encouraging. A number of factors play into how you can best help them, including their ages and how close you live to them. But here are some general principles that you may find helpful.
According to Dr. Archibald Hart, author of "Helping Children Survive Divorce," the impact of divorce typically varies by age. Kids aged 5 to 8 often regress in their behavior. They also tend to feel responsibility for the divorce and may demonstrate an irrational fear of abandonment. That's why many experts feel this is the most critical age for children to experience divorce — they're old enough to understand what's happening but not old enough to adequately process it.
This is where you, as a grandparent, can make a positive impact. As you're hopefully able to spend one-on-one time with them, you can help them process the anger they may be feeling, as well as help them grapple with false guilt. Even if your grandkids are older and aren't experiencing these specific problems, you can be a friend and confidante for them. Your home can provide a place of refuge and opportunity to regain a sense of normalcy.
Above all, just keep showering your daughter and grandchildren with unconditional love. You're positioned to be the steady constant in their lives as they weather these turbulent waters.
I highly recommend Dr. Hart's book mentioned above; it's available through Focus on the Family and many other sources. I also invite you to contact our staff counselors for a free consultation; call 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My husband wants to have a better relationship with our kids, but sometimes he struggles to really connect with them. What can he do?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Your husband is already on the right track by expressing the desire to engage with your children. Kids tend to respond to genuine attempts to connect.
A great first step can be as simple as an authentic smile. People of all ages — and especially children — respond to genuinely curious, loving and playful smiles. From there, he can try to learn or do something with the kids that they are interested in, such as music, sports, cooking or reading. The key to connecting with each child is to become a student of who each one is and what makes them tick.
It's important to invest time in just listening and being present with each child. We all gain trust and connection when we feel valued. This won't happen overnight, particularly if Dad's schedule hasn't allowed him to be around much or he hasn't exhibited "enough" interest in the past. But with patience and intentionality, he can show each of the kids that he values them as individuals and wants to build an interactive relationship with them.
Dad can (and should) be playful and adventurous. He can plan a fun adventure with all the kids or take an afternoon off to just play. He could also rotate time with the children cooking or baking for the family or having one-on-one ice cream outings for focused conversation.
In all of this, the goal is to build relational momentum. In other words, the more Dad consistently does the small things to invest in the relationship, the more trust, opportunities for conversation and deeper closeness he will experience with his kids.
We have lots of other tips and resources for fathers at FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdaly.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.