Husband Neglects Family for Work
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I'm not generally one for labels, but I think it's fair to call my husband a "workaholic" — he might even agree. He's preoccupied with his job and spends very little time with me and our kids. When I've asked him about it he just says: "Things will be better soon." Do you have any suggestions?
Jim: As a rule, we men are usually wired to be providers and protectors. But far too many of us skew that by defining our identity and personal worth in terms of what we do for a living and how well we do it — instead of basing it on who we are and how we're connected to God, our families and other people.
I'd suggest trying something like this. Plan a weekend dinner date with your husband. Get a babysitter if necessary, and go out to a nice restaurant. Set aside your frustration, and tell him how much you love him and appreciate his diligence, his work ethic and his dedication to his role as family provider. At the same time, be honest with him and let him know that his job seems to be taking precedence over his family. Tell him you value his involvement and input as a father. Then ask him if he'd be willing to examine his schedule and make at least a few changes. Emphasize that you want to work these things out together, as a team, for the entire family's benefit.
If you're able to convey this message in a spirit of love and concern, rather than in bitterness and anger, you may be surprised at how positively your husband responds. On the other hand, if he reacts defensively and denies there's a problem, it may be time to seek professional assistance. You can begin by calling our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: Our 3-year-old daughter is driving our whole family crazy. She'll go into her sisters' room and trash it — but then won't help with the mess unless I threaten to punish her. Or she only picks up a couple of things before getting distracted. Honestly, it's easier to just clean up myself. My older daughters complain about the unfairness of having to clean up when their little sister doesn't. What can I do?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: One of the most challenging elements of raising a toddler — and also one of the most important — is setting boundaries. It's a necessary lesson with lifelong application.
First, take time to validate your older daughters' concerns. This IS frustrating. But they can be part of the solution by modeling good behavior for their little sister.
Start by limiting her play areas to give her a sense of healthy limits. If she consistently trashes her sisters' room, make that place off-limits. Keep play spaces confined to her own room or a family room.
Within those "approved" areas, limit the number of toys she has access to at any given time. Then, show her how to clean up one thing immediately before she moves on to the next. You can provide motivation by using music, an audio story or a timer to make cleaning up enjoyable or competitive. Admittedly, it's a slow process — one that requires time, consistency, creativity and patience.
The good news is that the lesson of cleaning up a few toys will transfer to greater responsibility in years to come. Resist the temptation to swoop in and clean up for her. But also remember that you need to model what "clean up" looks like. The extra time and effort now will be well worth it as your daughter grows.
For more tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdaly.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.