Navigating Dating as a Single Parent
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I'm a single mother. I'm trying to develop a social life and find another relationship. But my young son doesn't like to "share" me with anyone else. He disliked my last boyfriend so much that I was forced to end the relationship. What can I do?
Jim: Stepping back into the dating arena can be a real challenge for single parents. Our counselors usually recommend that you shouldn't involve children in the process until a relationship is established well enough that you're seriously considering marriage. Otherwise, the child may get accustomed to his parent's dating partner and begin to form an attachment — and then if that relationship ends, it's yet another experience of significant loss in the child's life.
I'd suggest that the next time you become involved in a romantic relationship, don't push your son to get to know your boyfriend until the two of you are strongly inclined to move toward engagement and marriage. At that point, have a heart-to-heart talk with your son. Assure him of your love and commitment to him, and that you realize no one could ever replace his dad. Explain that you don't expect your boyfriend to be his father, but that because you love this man very much, you want him to have a place in the family.
So, take it slow; gradually introduce your child to the new relationship. You might start by including your boyfriend in some activities that your son enjoys. Don't expect instant bonding — and don't pressure your son and your boyfriend to become instant buddies.
Above all, carefully consider whether the man you're dating has what it takes to become a positive influence in your child's life. Your primary responsibility is your son — so it's critical that you determine whether your romantic interest has the depth of character to become a good stepparent.
Q: Several years ago I went through a difficult divorce. Since that time, my ex-husband has turned his life around. We've actually started dating again and I have a feeling he's going to propose soon. Do you think remarriage is a good idea in this case?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: It's no secret that divorce is unfortunately rampant these days, and reconciliation is rare. So, a story like yours is encouraging. And yes, I do think remarriage is a good idea — provided you can avoid the problems that led to your divorce in the first place.
When you say your ex-husband has "turned his life around," that suggests that his previous behavior was a major factor in the divorce. It's great to hear that his attitudes have apparently been transformed — but you should still proceed with caution. Given the history, make sure that you've seen concrete evidence of your husband's changed heart over time before you jump back into marriage. Don't set a timeline for moving forward until you're very firmly convinced on this point.
I also recommend that you take an honest look at your own heart and motivations — and candidly consider the role you may have played, however small, in the divorce. Have you sufficiently dealt with those issues? Meanwhile, if you have children, they have already been impacted by your divorce. You certainly don't want to make matters worse by remarrying and then splitting up again if things don't work out.
What you need most right now is the help and guidance of an experienced marriage counselor. He or she can help you both fully explore whether you're ready for remarriage and help you determine the best course of action. Focus on the Family's Counseling Department can refer you to qualified marriage-and-family professionals in your area; call 855-771-HELP (4357) or visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdaly.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.