Spouse Caring For Wife Still Makes a Difference
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: Following my retirement, I used to have time to volunteer. I've tried to make a point of being a positive influence on people. But since my wife got sick last year, most of my energy goes to caring for her. How can I still make an impact on others?
Jim: I'll start by emphasizing that I firmly believe you ARE making an impact on others — probably greater than you realize.
Some years ago I broke my ankle in a motorcycle accident. I was in either my bed or my recliner for weeks. My wife, Jean, had to help me with everything from glasses of water to navigating the stairs. Watching her, I discovered that even simple requests can become a burden when you feel like you're needed all day, every day. And I was only off my feet for 13 weeks.
That's why my heart goes out to those who care for a spouse who's ill. Your love and commitment should inspire the rest of us. Every day you're honoring your vows that "the two shall become one." You're taking on your mate's struggles as your own.
You're also teaching us how to respond with love and grace when life doesn't go our way. No couple knows ahead of time what "in sickness and in health" will mean — until one of you actually gets sick. You won't know what "for better or for worse" means until your spouse does something unlovable ... and you choose to stay committed to your marriage anyway.
Sooner or later we're all compelled to answer the question: "What is my marriage really about?" Those couples who last are the ones who say, "Marriage is about commitment when it counts — and love put into action." So, thank you! By caring for an ill spouse, you're reminding the rest of us what honoring marriage truly looks like. And THAT is definitely a positive influence.
Q: How can I help my 8-year-old daughter break out of her shyness?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Shyness is not a bad thing, and many kids end up learning how to manage their shy personality as they get older. However, some children are excessively (even excruciatingly) hesitant to speak because they're insecure and scared. Shy kids often overthink because they're afraid they'll say the "wrong thing."
As a child and family therapist and school social worker, I've helped many parents of kids who struggle to speak and socialize freely. Here are some practical steps I've found valuable:
1. Ask your child what she experiences when she feels shyness. What does she see, hear and feel? What does she think is demanded from her in the situations she encounters? Is there another way to look at these scenarios?
2. Help your child make observations rather than assumptions. What does she see around her when she feels shy? Does she feel the need to be perfect? Where did she get that assumption?
3. Proactively discuss when/how shyness becomes a problem. For instance, does shyness:
— Prevent her from meeting new people?
— Keep her from sharing her thoughts with others?
— Restrict her from spending time with friends or peers?
— Cause her to be self-critical or critical of others?
4. Provide challenges and celebrations:
— Encourage kids to share their thoughts without calculating every potential angle.
— Help them work through the "worst case" scenario of opening up — and how unlikely that result actually is.
— Encourage your child to write her thoughts in a journal then read them aloud to you to practice offering her perspective.
— As your daughter gains confidence in sharing her thoughts — or at least starting with a friendly smile — celebrate successes with dinner out or other special experiences.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.
