Teens Need Extra Help Navigating Turbulent Years
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: Ever since my daughter became a teenager it feels like I'm raising a little monster. Honestly — and I'm ashamed to say it — there are times I just want to pull away and separate from all the drama. Help!?
Jim: Having raised two sons to adulthood, I understand. That sweet child who used to meet you at the front door every night after work has now become someone who doesn't even want to be in the same room with you.
I'd offer this simple advice when your teenager's attitude makes home life feel like a monster movie: Just help her get through it. A teen's emotions are often in turmoil, which can make them easily angered and irritated. (Just think back to how you felt at that age.) That means you'll have to work hard to maintain respect and boundaries in the home.
At the same time, your teen is also watching you like a hawk. In the midst of all her insecurities, what she really wants to know — and is subconsciously asking you to repeatedly demonstrate — is that you truly love her unconditionally and will always be there for her.
Now, of course, if your child's behavior is dangerous or out of control, seek professional help. Otherwise, understand that this season in your daughter's life simply has to run its course. And most of the time it will. Your job is to help her keep her outer life stable despite the emotions she's feeling inside. And someday, she'll thank you for it.
For more tips on helping teens thrive, go to FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Q: Sometimes I really struggle with how different my wife and I are. Don't get me wrong, we love each other. It's just that the longer we're married, the more we see that we're not like each other. What can we do?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Like any marriage, yours includes both strengths and growth areas because of the personality differences each spouse brings to the union. Notice that I call them "growth areas," because that's exactly what they are — not weaknesses, but opportunities for growth.
We humans typically focus on what we lack versus what we already have. Even in our marriage relationships, we tend be preoccupied with what's not going right instead of enjoying what is. The strongest marriages, that stand the test of time, are generally made up of husbands and wives who focus on their combined strengths.
So, what are the strengths in your marriage? Another way to ask this is to consider, "What do we do well as a couple?" Do you excel at remodeling an older home, together making all the decisions about the floor plan, fixtures, tile and landscaping? Are you great financial planners? Perhaps you both play musical instruments. Maybe you enjoy taking walks, going hiking or playing sports together. Figure out what you can do as a team that makes you both feel energized and maximizes your giftedness as a couple — and then do more of it!
Think about the last time you really laughed together and just enjoyed being with each other. When was the last time you went on a date? What were you doing?
Your marriage is a unique combination of strengths and growth areas. Embrace both, but always focus on your strengths! Your differences — gender, personality and otherwise — can bring a beautiful balance in your relationship. As you understand yourself better, and also seek to understand who your spouse has been uniquely created to be, you can learn to handle the differences and thrive together.
For a wide range of helpful resources, including a free relationship assessment, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/Marriage.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.
