When to Step in With Aging Parents
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: In the not-too-distant future, I'm going to have to assume a large portion of care for my aging parents. What should I expect? And how do I know when to step in and take on personal responsibility for their physical well-being?
Jim: Aging and death are inescapable realities of life. As we grow older, our bodies go through a natural aging process that involves changes in body functions like these:
— Fatigue and dizziness
— Weakened immune system
— Slowing of the digestive and urinary functions
— Loss of appetite
— Respiratory problems due to decreased elasticity of the lungs
— Deterioration of skin and muscles
— Decreasing visual acuity caused by cataracts and stiffening of the lens
These changes are all part of the normal aging process — although your parents' organ systems may continue to work normally unless injury or illness occurs. At the same time, these physiological differences can increase an elderly person's chances of developing other problems like arthritis, diabetes, heart disease or high blood pressure.
At some point, your parents will probably need medical assistance. Maintaining a close relationship with them, and regular contact with their physicians, should help you to better gauge their ability to care for themselves. There will likely come a time when they'll need your assistance with their personal needs and routine business matters. They may (hopefully) ask for your help at this point — but it could be that you'll simply have to step in.
In summary, as you and your parents navigate this journey, I encourage you to stay in close touch — with each other and with their medical providers. This is one of those scenarios in life where there's no such thing as over-communication.
If you'd like to discuss these matters further, I encourage you to call our staff counselors at 855-771-HELP (4357). I wish you all the best.
Q: My wife says I don't pay enough attention to my children. But I'm working as hard as I can to provide for my family. What do my kids really need from me?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Providing for your family is one of the major responsibilities of being a father — so kudos to you for that! But children need more than food and a roof over their heads. And some of those other things they need are best provided by Dad. Here are several key things your kids need from you:
1. Relationship. Research shows that a father's presence helps kids with social adjustment, improves graduation rates and reduces a child's risk of mental health problems. Yet many dads don't prioritize making time for relationship. Time is crucial — you can't pay attention and listen to someone else without dedicating time to them. So, when you're with your children, put down your phone, make eye contact and hear what's on their hearts. Children yearn for a loving connection with their father.
2. Boundaries and limits. Children need a father who is willing to do the hard work of creating boundaries. These help them learn how to navigate emotions, pressures and temptations. Yes, kids will test the limits you lay down — but they need them. Within the context of security and relationship, limits promote respect, trust, growth and self-esteem. And you'll be much more successful in implementing boundaries if you've taken time to develop a healthy relationship with your kids.
3. Mission, direction and vision. Children build their identity from a very young age. By validating their character, skills and talents, you can help your kids focus their lives and pursue meaning and purpose. That's life transforming for them — and for you!
For more practical parenting tips, see FocusOnTheFamily.com/parenting.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2025. Used with permission.
