Dr. Audrey Davidheiser has devoted her life to helping people heal emotionally. As a licensed psychologist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, she helps trauma survivors process life, relationship and religious hurt. Seeing the impact IFS therapy has had in her clients’ lives, she decided to use them to reach even more people by writing her latest book, “Grieving Wholeheartedly.” In it, she walks bereaved Christians through how to foster emotional resilience and find a pathway toward hope and healing.

Today, Audrey shares with us how a well-cooked noodle dish takes her back to her growing-up years in Indonesia, why she never turns down an opportunity to “vacation with the Lord” and how the Holy Spirit gives her fresh insights when she reads Scripture.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

The meals we enjoy are about so much more than the food we eat. So how does a “go-to” meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?

I’ve nursed a lifelong love affair with noodles.

Bakmi Pinangsia is a case in point. The first word is Indonesian for noodle. The second, the street name where the restaurant is located in Jakarta, Indonesia.

My hometown.

As far back as I can remember, my dad would drive us there on Sunday after church. They’ve since expanded, but back then, the noodle place was a modest hole-in-the-wall with no air conditioning. Even though the city regularly hit the upper 80s Fahrenheit, regardless of the time of year, the lack of cool air didn’t deter noodle enthusiasts from flocking to the place.

But A/C wasn’t the only thing the restaurant lacked. There was no waiting list either. Which means newly arriving patrons had to fend for themselves.

And those noodle connoisseurs took “first come, first serve” to another level.

Newcomers would hover near occupied tables, where chopsticks-wielding customers were still chowing down their chicken noodles. Even if they felt uneasy having strangers watch them slurp their noodles — from mere inches away — they had no right to complain. They likely did the same thing to an earlier group of customers themselves.

Mama used to hunt for tables with empty bowls or close to being empty, because it meant the diners were almost done with their meals. She’d guard her discovery while fetching Papa and me to scour the rest of the restaurant for other prospects. My little sister, too young to be commissioned alone, tagged along with Mama.

I’d keep eye contact with each parent as we stood sentry over our respective tables. Every so often, I’d sneak a jealous glance at the ones who were seated at the table I was guarding. They got to stuff their faces while the fragrant smell of toasted sesame oil, drizzled over noodle dishes, taunted my empty stomach.

But once one of the tables we were watching paid their check, we would beckon the rest of the family to come and sit at the vanquished table.

Such warm memories spanned the first 18 years of my life.

Having lunch with my parents and sister after church was a ritual I’d forever cherish. That was how life used to be before I moved to the United States — and before my father suddenly died, almost seven years ago, as of this writing.

I’ve since tasted noodle dishes from other cuisines: Japanese ramen. Vietnamese pho. Italian pasta. My favorite remains the Indonesian version. Not just for its chewy texture and rich flavors, but also because it’s a reminder of the loving family God placed me into.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity do you love engaging in that also helps you find essential spiritual renewal?

I was sitting on the balcony of my hotel room, admiring the beautifully landscaped hotel grounds around me, when a dialogue with heaven forever changed my view on vacations. Torn between wanting to explore the area and feeling obligated to read my Bible first, I remember deciding on the former. “I’m on vacation. Maybe it’s OK to skip reading my Bible while I’m here. After all, I’m taking a break from daily life. That includes skipping regular activities, right?”

But then I sensed this thought blooming in response. “When you vacation, take me with you.”

Who else could respond to my selfish desires with so much sweetness and no criticism?

This was the Lord. My Lord. And I was touched.

“Forgive me, Lord. I want to vacation with you from now on.”

I’ve stayed faithful to that inner vow ever since. If it means staying up later or sacrificing other activities so I could spend undisturbed moments with my Lord, so be it.

That decision improved my vacation times. Because I purposed to seek God’s presence while away from home, I also heard the Lord’s voice more clearly. I could receive his guidance. One time, my husband and I got into a mood-busting argument while we were vacationing in Northern California. I was still miffed by what happened when we drove to the Redwood forest the next day. But then the Lord spoke a truth about my husband, using the gigantic trees as a visual. That revelation so touched me that I ended up writing an article that was then published on an online site for Christian women.

If we live with the Lord, why not vacation with him too? (This is my paraphrase of Galatians 5:25.)

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power head-on?

Do you know women who wear the same size no matter their age? Like Korie Robertson of “Duck Dynasty” fame. Her mom. And her daughter, Sadie, for that matter. I can supply you with names of colleagues and women from my church who fit the bill.

COVID delivered me a newsflash: I’m not one of them.

You remember those dark days, don’t you? When everything shuttered and the world pressed pause all at once? My gym was closed, so I took up walking. Daily. Yet I didn’t seem to spend enough calories.

The proof came when I circled my waist with a tape measure to complete an online purchase. The store didn’t take returns, so getting the cute dress in the right size was paramount.

But the end of the tape measure rested on a number that was too big to believe.

Holy yowza! How could I’ve grown to be this huge?

At first, I thought the weight gain happened only because of emotional eating during COVID, paired with the loss of my gym. Now that the world’s back to normal, surely the pounds will melt. Right?

Nope. Sorry.

Since then, I’ve stuck to a regular exercise regimen. Limited carbs. Cut back on Dutch Bros iced coffees. Yet outfits I’ve owned for years are still straining in protest when I try to put them on.

Is it my metabolism? Genes? Bad habits of having to consume rice at least once a day? Maybe all of the above. And maybe it’s time to make peace with my new weight. I’d love to evict worries about being overweight from my head. They’ve been squatting in the corner for far too long.

But hey, as long as we’re wishing away, it’d also be nice to wear a size two again.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?

There’s quite a bit of distance between my office and home. Commuting is the transitional time I use to take off my hat as a therapist before donning the other one: author and writer. As of this writing, the launch of my book, “Grieving Wholeheartedly,” is closing in, and I can boil down my activities to three things:

1. Seeing clients

2. Commuting

3. Writing

I wrote the book after my dad died unexpectedly, turning my world sideways. It was Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy that helped me grieve and rebuild. I used to practice a different modality, but once I discovered the impressive power of IFS to change lives, I sank resources into learning the model until I earned my certification. Since then, I’ve utilized only IFS in my practice and writing.

Having two careers is something I never dreamed of. Back in 2009, when the California Board of Psychology granted me the license to practice psychology, I thought my God-given mission to spread emotional healing was strictly limited to my practice as a psychologist.

But then I sensed the Lord nudging me to enroll in an online writing course.

“What for, Lord?”

Silence. So I did what I’d learned to do: obey the still, small, inaudible voice I sensed internally.

Fast forward to now. I’m counting down the days until my book is published by InterVarsity Press. My book baby is about to be born! The thought saturates me with serotonin, the feel-good hormone.

But the euphoria exceeds seeing my name in print or selling books. Now I understand that the Lord wants me to spread emotional healing through my practice and written words. After all, I’ve witnessed the effectiveness of IFS in transforming my clients’ lives. It makes sense to pair my clinical skills with writing skills to come up with a book. This way, many more souls can heal — exponentially more than what my practice can manage. In fact, that’s my private nickname for “Grieving Wholeheartedly”: therapy in a book.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?

Every time I crack open my Bible, I utter a quick prayer first: “Holy Spirit, please give me a ‘now word’ from what I read today.” I wish I could say he always enlightens my devotional time with an eye-popping revelation. Or maybe he does, but I’m too preoccupied with other thoughts to detect his still, small voice. (If this is the case, forgive me, Lord!)

But there have also been times when, in the midst of reading familiar passages, insights I’d never heard anyone preach on before came to me. God must’ve originated those moments because what I’d just read in my Bible leaped into my heart in the form of a brilliant application to my current situation. Those revelations from the Lord were so rich that each time I stumbled into one, I’d be so startled by its brilliance that I’d reread the text a few extra times to understand the deeper meaning.

The insights God deposits in my heart never cease to make me marvel at his wisdom. Scores of articles and chapters I’ve written owe their existence to these divinely instigated moments. That includes the linchpin of chapter one in “Grieving Wholeheartedly” — a direct link between a character in the Old Testament who didn’t grieve and the costly consequence that followed.

Another way I find inspiration is by vacationing with the Lord. OK, fine, it may sound pious to say I vacation with God. But all I mean is that I’m intentionally setting periods of time to get away so I can hear from the Lord more clearly. It’s amazing how well God restores my soul when I take the effort to swap my regular view of rows of taillights on the freeway with swaying cattails around a calm lake.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?

Of all the meaningful spiritual practices I’ve been exposed to, prayer is my favorite. Maybe it’s because my grandmother was a lifelong prayer warrior, and I got to live with her for a few months as a tiny toddler. It didn’t take long for her to enter into the presence of God. She’d close her eyes, praise God a little, and whoosh, you’d feel the presence of God right away.

I firmly believe there was an impartation of sorts regarding prayer during the time I lived under her roof. I don’t know if this happened because she prayed for me or if she let me sit next to her during her prayer time, allowing me to soak in the Lord’s presence. Or maybe she laid hands on me while I was asleep and asked God to grow me into a woman of prayer. I can’t tell you if any of it happened because I was too young to have formulated episodic memories about my stay with her.

All I know is I have a special relationship with prayer that I also saw in her. You know those foodies who dip their fork in a sauce, and once they taste it, they can immediately tell it’s composed of cilantro, mayonnaise, marjoram and a hint of mustard? I have zero clue if those ingredients would actually work together, but the instinctive ease that epicures feel around food is how I feel with prayer. There’s a fondness that naturally comes to me when I start praying. And gusto. Lots of it, as you can ask fellow prayer warriors who frequent our church’s Wednesday prayer service.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and your heart?

I grew up in a Christian home where we went to church every single Sunday. When I moved out of my parents’ house, I had to hunt for another church I could call my own. It wasn’t until after I started attending Pastor Jack Hayford’s church that I settled into my new church home. Sitting under his ministry instilled a strong foundation for my spiritual journey. He’s passed on, but any sermon of his that you can find is a good one to dig into.

Pastor Jack’s sermons taught me so many things, I don’t think I can enumerate them one by one. Understanding the loving heart of Father God has got to hover near the top. I remember a sermon in which he said something like: “If Pastor Jack, a flawed human being, could love his grandkids with a devoted heart, God would love us at least that much.”

In many ways, Pastor Bill Johnson reminds me of Pastor Jack. His sermon causes me to scramble to jot down almost every sentence because every phrase seems to burst with wisdom. My favorite teaching from Pastor Bill has to do with hosting the Holy Spirit. He explained it using the analogy of how you must walk carefully if a dove, representing the Spirit, is resting on your shoulder and you don’t want it to flutter away. He wrote about it in his book, “Hosting the Presence.”

Lastly — and I know this might sound weird — I highly recommend IFS training if you need more of God. The training is secular, but the model taps into spiritual principles laid out in the Word. The first time I went to an IFS training, I felt so much love in the room, I blurted to a fellow Christian in attendance, “I feel more love here than in church retreats.”

We all have things we cling to to survive or even thrive in our fast-paced, techno-driven world. How have you been successful in harnessing technology to aid in your spiritual growth?

For our wedding, John and I decided to give books as party favors. (This may sound random, but our wedding invitation maintained the book theme, too. It was literally in the shape of a small book and featured snippets of the emails we sent each other while courting). One of the books we gave away was about dreams that Muslims received that prompted them to abandon Muhammad for Jesus.

I love every kind of conversion story. I’ve bought both paperbacks and e-books on the topic. Some of the sites I frequent include God Reports, Jews for Jesus and the CHANGED movement. I also enjoy Becket Cook’s podcast.

Christians who were previously Hindu? New Age? Atheist? LGBTQ? Bring it on. Bonus points if they were staunch in their old belief system or, like Saul of Tarsus, they targeted God’s people with a vengeance. This — a radical before-and-after contrast — makes for a captivating story. But when you throw in a supernatural twist, as in when God swooped in and showed off his power, I find consuming conversion stories to be faith-building, especially when I consider long-term prayers God has yet to answer. Because if God could move in such a mighty way in these people’s lives — despite the circumstances they faced — he’ll do the same for me. Eventually.

QUESTION #8: dream

God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

I use IFS in both my private practice and writing. I love illustrating IFS using parts language in my social media channels. It’s fun to create skits showcasing different parts of myself in brief video clips, for example. The latest one focuses on my planning part, who called for an internal meeting because she wasn’t sure how the other parts were going to respond to my book launch. It’s a good thing she did it! I heard my realistic part clashed with my religious part during the meeting.

My hope is to produce these skits more professionally. Maybe it means hiring a pro who can shoot and edit these videos, since I’m a one-person show who has to manage both halves of my career — the practice side and the writing/speaking world — and I run out of time to do things pretty regularly.

The other percolating dream is to offer online webinars and workshops for folks who are interested in healing using IFS. This vision also requires team members — for instance, so that someone can make sure the technology side of things is holding up while I’m giving the presentation itself.

For these dreams to manifest, I’ll need more revenue to hire staff. Cue the fear: will there be more money coming in to sustain these staff members’ paychecks? California is so expensive!

I’m also sensing a timid fear regarding how the world will respond to my book. Early readers of “Grieving Wholeheartedly” are giving me positive feedback, which helps soothe this fear a little. Still, I’m aware of mild rumblings inside. What if people grumble about my book? What if they think I’m an impostor or heretic? And so, even though I have ideas as to what I want to write next, these fears are preventing me from launching into writing the next book. Besides, turns out Ecclesiastes 12:12 is right — writing a book takes a lot of effort and is exhausting.

With biblical commands like “Rejoice always” (1 Thess. 5:16, ESV), “Rejoice in the Lord always” (Phil. 4:4) and “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be consistent in prayer” (Rom. 12:12), is there any room for grief? Sorrow? Pain?

As Audrey points out, God’s Word tells us “yes.” Even Jesus wept when Lazarus got sick and died — even though he knew death wasn’t the end to that story (see John 11:4).

We, too, can grieve before the Lord over the circumstances in our lives that break our hearts. No matter how big or small they may seem to us, or to those from the outside looking in. Every tear we cry matters to our God. Will we bring those tears to him with trust and expectation?

Audrey Davidheiser