Juli Slattery
10 min read ⭑
“Purity culture, the transgender conversation, #MeToo—these are touchpoints of the massive confusion represented by sexuality. … I am passionate about seeing people connect to the heart of God through their sexual questions and pain points.”
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
There’s much more to food than palate and preference. How does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind the web bio?
LeBron James is known for saying, “I’m just a kid from Akron, Ohio.” We share that in common. Although I’ve lived in South Florida, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Colorado Springs, I keep finding myself back home to where I was born, raised, and currently live—Akron, Ohio.
One of my favorite spots in Akron is called Szalay’s Sweet Corn Farm & Market, which is open only from June through October in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. It’s about seven minutes from where I live, right next to the Towpath biking and hiking trail.
Szalay’s is a shed with the best fresh Ohio corn you’ve ever tasted and local fresh fruits and vegetables. On the weekends, they serve roasted corn, burgers, ice cream, and fresh lemonade. The trail and Szalay’s hum with families on bikes, kids with watermelon juice and ice cream running down their shirts, and throw-back tunes from a two-man live band. Most weekends, you can’t find a parking space. Some of my fondest memories with my children involve stopping on the way home from school for a Szalay’s slushy and rambling through their fall corn maze.
I love Szalay’s because it represents summer, a family’s hard work, and being outside. It’s seasonal, which makes me appreciate it all the more because it’s not always open. So much of life that’s also seasonal can only be fully appreciated once we stop assuming it will always be there for us!
Ben Hershey; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity (or activities) do you love engaging in, which also help you find essential spiritual renewal?
Pickleball ... it’s taken the U.S. by storm and has become my favorite hobby!
For background, I played tennis in high school and college and played competitively in my early adulthood. At some point, the busyness of ministry and my kids’ activities caused me to step away from tennis and pursue more flexible hobbies like hiking (which I loved living in Colorado) and swimming.
About three years ago, a friend introduced me to pickleball. Now, I’m hooked. I find myself arranging my schedule so I can find time to play.
The ministry God has given me is heavy. I work in the field of biblical sexuality, helping people find the Lord through struggles with pornography, marital brokenness, unmet longings, and healing from sexual trauma. I help church leaders navigate the nuance of God’s grace and truth related to cultural and personal questions around LGBT. I love this ministry, but it’s difficult for me to find rest.
Remember recess? Running out to the playground, screaming with delight and pent-up energy? As an adult, I had forgotten how to play. Even exercise and other hobbies can feel more like things we need to do rather than a genuine break from the burdens we carry. When I play pickleball, I feel like a kid again. Pickleball is a place for my mind to rest, inviting me to enter into “play.”
I’m so thankful for meaningful work and ministry, but I’m also thankful that God made us to rest and play!
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness. Every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you hide it?
In 2007, I received a random call from a friend who worked for Focus on the Family. At the time, I was a mom of three young boys with a very part-time counseling practice. It seemed out of the blue, but God was opening a door for me to join an international marriage and family media ministry. As this opportunity was presented to me, I prayed, “Working in this type of role would be like putting an alcoholic in a liquor store. Lord, how can I possibly take this ministry role and not be consumed by pride?”
Growing up, achievement equaled love. This led to an addiction to competition, hard work, and approval. Even my ministry work, though it looked good to everyone else, could be fueled by wanting to be the best, to impress people and impress God. Pride (including self-righteousness) has always been my kryptonite. The roles of psychologist and visible ministry leader only fueled that—always being in the place of giving help and advice rather than the one who needs it.
An addiction to pride is hidden. It’s not culturally shamed like an addiction to drugs or porn, which makes it even more deadly. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. The only antidotes I’ve found to this addiction are daily authentic worship of the Most High God and the active pursuit of true humility. “Now to him who is able to present you faultless and keep you from stumbling...” (see Jude 1:24).
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
Sexuality will never be a neutral issue in a personal relationship with God. This is why I started a ministry called Authentic Intimacy.
Purity culture, the transgender conversation, #MeToo—these are touchpoints of the massive confusion represented by sexuality. If you and I had some honest conversation over coffee, you would likely share with me areas of sexual brokenness, pain, or confusion in your own life. You might say things like:
“Why, God, did you give me these sexual desires and not bring a spouse?”
“Why can’t I stop looking at porn?”
“How in the world can I ever recover from the sexual trauma I’ve suffered?”
“The church feels like the last place I could honestly bring my sexual shame.”
“I thought sex in marriage was supposed to be a gift. Honestly, it’s more of a curse in my marriage.”
“I feel like I have to choose between loving my gay son or loving God.”
I talk about sex because I care deeply about your relationship with God. When sex becomes confusing, God becomes confusing.
I’m the author/co-author of 13 books, nine of which are specifically about sexual issues.
I host the Java with Juli podcast, which features honest conversations about every issue related to sexuality and intimacy.
I train Christian leaders how to “sexual disciple” people, not just tell them how to behave.
I am passionate about seeing people connect to the heart of God through their sexual questions and pain points.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Cashiers, CEOs, contractors, or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
I started Authentic Intimacy right after a massively intense period of spiritual renewal in my life. I wish I had the space to fully describe what happened, but in a nutshell, God took me through 10 months of violently seeking his face. During that time, I learned what it was to commune with God and be led by his Spirit. I learned the difference between doing God’s work and asking him to bless my work.
I absolutely believe I never would have or could have started this ministry without that preparation. I’ll be completely honest. I am daily in over my head. I don’t have the wisdom, courage, or grace to represent Jesus in this deeply sensitive and highly volatile conversation about God and sex. I don’t know how to run a nonprofit ministry. I’m too sensitive in my flesh to endure criticism and hate mail. I want to be liked. And as I’ve already told you, the monster of pride is always lurking.
Only when I’m overwhelmed with my weakness and inadequacy can I truly be dependent on the Holy Spirit. If I had an easier job, I would be at great risk. In this ministry, I daily realize that people don’t need Juli Slattery; they need Jesus. My one job is to be his vessel by the ministry of the Holy Spirit. My most important and difficult work is to abide. Jesus takes care of the rest.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you right now?
Learning to abide in God began in a strange way for me back in 2007 with an exercise program called P90x. Because of a challenge, I woke up at 4 a.m. for 90 days (most days) to work on my body. About halfway through P90X, I noticed changes in my body. The Holy Spirit began repeating this thought in my mind, “If this is what an hour a day does to your body, why don’t you see what an hour a day would do to your faith.”
This invitation was so consistent that I continued to get up around 4 a.m. to spend an hour with God. Again, I wish I had more space to describe what happened as a result. I will just say that even though I had been a Christian since childhood and was in full-time Christian ministry, I had never experienced true intimacy with Jesus. I was faithful, obedient, and zealous for God but never entered into his personal love for me.
This season developed life-long rhythms of:
Spending the first hour of my day with the Lord and lingering longer when he invites me. I try not to schedule anything in the mornings so I have this time.
Personal time of worship and prayer on my knees. It gets me out of my head.
One to two prayer and fasting retreats a year.
Regularly reading the “dead old guys” like A.W. Tozer, Watchman Nee, and Andrew Murray. They awaken me to repentance and surrender, unlike many modern resources.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top-three resources stand out to you? What changed the game and changed your heart?
Outside of the Bible, my favorite book is the combination of Humility and Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray. As I’ve shared my struggle with pride, reading these books is a regular discipline for me, reminding me that “self can never cast out self.” In my own strength and resolve, I can never get rid of my pride or my flesh. Murray’s words remind me of my daily need to see the greatness of God and surrender myself to his work and grace.
I have also been deeply impacted by Linda Dillow. She mentored me through my time of spiritual renewal and the founding of Authentic Intimacy. Linda showed me how to develop an intimate relationship with God through personal worship. I highly recommend her book Satisfy My Thirsty Soul.
As far as my work in biblical sexuality, these issues are highly complex and personal. I believe God is speaking through a chorus of people, some of whom would seem to disagree with each other on the finer points. No one (including myself!) will ever perfectly express God’s heart on issues as complex as same-sex attraction, gender dysphoria, sexual infidelity, and trauma. God works through a body of people. I read and listen to a variety of theologians, practitioners, and personal testimonies. You might browse through the Java with Juli archive to listen to many of those I am learning from!
We all have things we cling to to survive (or even thrive) in tough times—times like these! Name one resource you’re savoring and/or finding indispensable in this current season, and tell us what it’s doing for you.
My answer to this question is more of a practice than a resource. I am challenging myself to listen to people (books, podcasts, or individual conversations) with whom I disagree. In our current cultural moment, we are tempted to cultivate only voices that reinforce our thinking and bias—and this is true even within evangelical Christianity. We listen to podcasts, read books, and talk to people who make us feel more secure in our own perspectives rather than challenging them. I’m trying to actively fight this trend in my own life.
I choose podcasts, books, and conversations that challenge my perspective on theology, politics, and racial and cultural issues. Sometimes, it drives me crazy to listen to or read something I disagree with, but I try to ask questions like: What can I learn? How is this individual’s experience different from mine? Where are my blind spots? How can I show love and grace through disagreement? What does Christian unity practically look like when we disagree on these issues?
This practice is also helping me develop patience and good listening skills as well as think more deeply about why I believe what I believe.
QUESTION #8: dream
God is continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
My dream is to help change church culture from a place of silence, shame, and “rules-based” teaching to a family that courageously and compassionately invites conversation and transformation around sexual brokenness.
Most Christians would rather Google their sexual questions than bring them to church. As a result, we have been sexually discipled by the world. It’s time to change that.
The majority of pastors, counselors, missionaries, and lay leaders have little to no training in addressing sexual issues. Yet they are bombarded with questions about sexual addiction, sexual dysfunction, trans identities, etc. In 2012, we launched SexualDiscipleship.com, a platform to help Christian leaders integrate the gospel with sexual issues. We’ve had three years of learning and testing. Now, we’re ready to refine and expand this outreach. I don’t know where God will take it, but this is how I’m spending much of my time and energy—outside of pickleball, of course!
It’s easy to think that ministries like Juli’s—those that offer sexual discipleship and healing—are only for those who have sex addictions or have dealt with severe trauma. But that’s not true.
With the world increasingly celebrating “sexual liberation” and pornography more widely available than ever, nearly all of us have been impacted in some way by sexual sin. Very few if any of us are exempt from the enemy’s strategies to twist God’s purpose for sex in our lives.
In your personal times with the Lord this week, we encourage you to ask yourself these questions and give the Holy Spirit room to speak to you:
What questions do I have about God and sex?
In what ways has the world influenced my view of sexuality and sexual expression?
How does God want to heal those areas in my life?
Dr. Juli Slattery is a clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and the president/co-founder of Authentic Intimacy. From 2008 to 2012, Dr. Slattery served at Focus on the Family writing, teaching, and co-hosting the Focus on the Family Broadcast. In 2012, she left to start Authentic Intimacy to help Christians reclaim God’s design for sexuality. In 2020, Juli launched SexualDiscipleship.com to help Christian leaders navigate sexual issues and questions with gospel-centered truth. Juli is the author of 12 books and host of the weekly podcast Java with Juli. Juli and her husband, Mike, are the parents of three sons and live in Akron, Ohio.
