Mary DeMuth juggles five careers as an author, literary agent, podcaster, artist and speaker. But she’ll tell you that the most important thing about her is that Jesus loves her, and she loves him back. She’s been writing for over 30 years — most of them spent in training and hidden growth. Since launching her public author career, she’s written over 50 books, her latest of which is The Freedom of Surrender: 40 Devotions for a Joyful Life in Christ. Below, she gets honest about working through church hurt, patterns of relationships with predatory narcissists and warped perspectives of God. But it’s not all heavy. You’ll also discover her step-by-step writing process, her love of painting and Tex-Mex and her favorite way to read the Bible.

QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT

The meals we enjoy are about so much more than the food we eat. So how does a “go-to” meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?

It has to be Chiloso. My friends call the restaurant my second office — it’s a local Tex-Mex place that serves the world’s best breakfast tacos stuffed with eggs, bacon, chorizo, cilantro, roasted potatoes (yes) and corn. I would be bereft without its queso-laden loveliness.

This is odd because I didn’t grow up in Texas (although I live here now). I’m from the Pacific Northwest, not a place known for its Mexican food. We are more a seafaring lot. And when my husband and I and three kids did our first cross-cultural move from Seattle to Palestine in East Texas, I was not a fan of the local fare.

But it grew on me.

And when we moved to France (a genuine cross-cultural move!) to be church planters near Nice, we longed for Tex-Mex. We went to one local “Mexican” restaurant, which was, to say the least, inauthentic — unless you like a béchamel sauce poured over cumin (only) laced meat, mimolette cheese (that tasted like feet) and tortillas that were more pita than circle of yumminess.

So sad were we during our Tex-Mex-less era that we plied our visiting friends for foodstuffs from the states — most notably, really good non-French melting cheese, salsa and genuine tortillas. When they pulled the loot from overflowing suitcases, we immediately made tacos, which, oddly, were well loved by our French friends.

QUESTION #2: REVEAL

We’ve all got quirky proclivities and out-of-the-way interests. So what are yours? What so-called “nonspiritual” activity do you love engaging in that also helps you find essential spiritual renewal?

For me, it’s paint. And not the kind of painting one does to spruce up a living space — but the type you brush onto various scraps of paper. Painting started out as a way for me to process during Lent. I felt like abstaining wasn’t really for me. Giving up dark chocolate, for instance, didn’t enervate my relationship with Jesus. Instead, it made me grumpy.

A friend of mine in Austin, Texas, drew a picture every day during Lent, and I thought that I would try that. It started quite simply (and very rudimentary). I painted Bible verses that encouraged me. I’ve always had neat, tidy handwriting, so I combined words and paint with my cache of very bad art supplies.

Working through Lent that way brought me so much joy. (Plus, I could eat dark chocolate).

So I kept at it.

I bought better paints and pens. I studied by observation. I battled a lot of insecurity because I had lived in France and been to the Louvre and the Pompidou, and I knew what real art was. My little watercolor flowers and skies and patterns and still lifes looked nothing like Rembrandt or Manet. It took me a very, very long time to even use the word “artist.”

An artist is simply someone who creates art. Full stop. And because I paint and draw and letter, I am an artist. I’m so glad my friend inspired me years ago — it’s a practice I still do to this day.

QUESTION #3: CONFESS

Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite and how do you confront its power head-on?

Growing up in chaos with folks who tended toward either narcissism or predatory actions, I was harmed and neglected often. I had a lot to work through as a young adult, then as an adult.

One thing that really bothered me was that I kept being attracted to narcissistic predators or predatory narcissists. And those relationships seldom ended well. Underneath that pursuit was a deep need to have someone with those twin traits love me back. Although I couldn’t voice it at the time, my internal script went something like: If I can get a predator or narcissistic person to love me, then I can prove I was lovable after all. I could prove to my parents that I was worth loving.

The problem was that those types of folks only really loved themselves, and they only really knew how to harm or neglect. So this endless cycle of pursuing friendships that were bad for me continued.

Slowly, I realized what was happening. I was trying to complete an unfinished story with my pursuit of unhealthy relationships. I realized (thankfully) that Jesus wanted to complete my story first. And once he did, I realized I was worthy of love. I did matter. I didn’t have to force unhealthy people to love me to prove I was worth pursuing. My healed heart helped me no longer chase those kinds of relationships.

QUESTION #4: FIRE UP

Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?

My 51st book, “The Freedom of Surrender,” will be released soon.

And I got to that place because I wrote and wrote and wrote millions of unpublished words. I spent about 10 years laboring in obscurity, practicing the 10,000-hour rule (though I’ve heard lately that the theory has come under some scrutiny). Still, I apprenticed without fanfare. And thankfully, I did that all before blogging, social media and AI.

I approached writing like training. I would give myself a story to write, then a deadline. Let’s say Tuesday. Then I would force myself to finish that piece by Monday. I learned to always turn things in early.

Just as I was on the cusp of traditional publishing, I had spent so much time learning the craft and honing my voice that I could jump when necessary. Though a novelist initially, my literary agent encouraged me to write nonfiction (parenting books in particular). I didn’t know how to write a book proposal, but a friend lent me hers, so I wrote it. And then a publisher wanted to publish it.

I learned through a lot of trial and error that I had to do uncomfortable things in this publishing industry. I’m also very disciplined, writing two to four books a year. I once wrote a book in two weeks. I typically can write a nonfiction book in five. I make myself daily word count goals and meet them. Then I hand in my books early. It makes publishers like me.

QUESTION #5: BOOST

Cashiers, CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need grace flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?

Two years ago, we left a church we had loved for over 20 years. It was one of the most excruciating things to walk through, particularly since I struggle with my family of origin. In other words, the church had become my safe place. And my family. And really, my everything.

In that hollowness of pain and wondering if we were crazy, I journaled. I read the Bible. I sought counsel. I cried a lot. I questioned myself.

Most of that processing was private. A little bit was public.

And what I found was that I was not alone when I shared my heart publicly. Other people have walked through church hurt, too. Others were confused about how they were being treated. Many were bewildered at a place of worship that had been healthy only to morph into an entity that hurt its members.

There were very clear times when the Holy Spirit invigorated me to write for public consumption — and it wasn’t simply to process my own pain (although that happened). It was for the sake of those who couldn’t yet put words to their predicament. God had gifted me with the ability to translate complex and painful church problems into everyday language, so this particular assignment from him felt doable.

Even so, I wept as I wrote. I felt compassion on all the sheep who were harmed and wandering. I had a kinship with those who suffered. And I sensed that my words were bringing light to hard situations. At least that’s my hope.

QUESTION #6: inspire

Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?

It’s absolutely reading the Bible in a short period of time, between two and three months, cover to cover.

Of all my spiritual practices, this has been the most profound.

Now, I do this a couple of times a year because it reorients me back to the grand narrative of Scripture. It’s so enriching to uncover patterns and stories and restories. I can see the profound impact of the fall of humankind throughout the Bible’s pages, and I can find hope that someday God’s kingdom will be here forever.

When I read the Bible rapidly, I’m better able to make connections in the narrative — for instance, seeing the repetition of the Exodus story throughout Scripture and how it infused the entire book of Romans.

And when I’m discouraged, I realize I’m a little tiny cog in a great big plan that is mysterious and beautiful and hopeful.

In a world whose political climate is unsettled, full of rancor and constantly changing, I find the Bible to be a haven. It’s always refreshing to turn from Malachi to Matthew, breathing in the Sermon on the Mount, which continues to teach me how to be salt and light and kindness in a tasteless, dark and mean world.

QUESTION #7: FOCUS

Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top resources stand out to you? What changed reality and your heart?

I experienced significant healing after reading Walter Wangerin’s “The Book of the Dun Cow.” I realized that I’d been projecting my own warped perspective on God. Many of us view God as if he wears a disguise — a costume that looks like all our pain and fear and worry woven together. When we see him, we see our experience. Those who have happy lives tend to view God joyfully, as a Father who takes great care of his children. Those who live difficult lives tend to view God skeptically, intellectually knowing he is good, but not truly embracing his goodness.

Pertelote, a young hen in Wangerin’s book, had the latter experience. Bent under the tyranny of Cockatrice, who ruled with an iron beak, Pertelote recoiled in his presence. Half gray-scaled snake, half rooster, Cockatrice was the poultry world’s Hitler. She escaped Cockatrice’s domain, but her pain and fear still resided within her. She made her way downriver, tattered and worn out. There, across from her, stood another rooster, Chauntecleer, a kind rooster, who had been wading through mud. He didn’t know it, but the dried mud made him resemble Cockatrice. She screamed.

Chauntecleer asked later if she was afraid of him, but she said no. He pushed back because of her earlier reaction.

Pertelote then shared that she thought he had been the evil Cockatrice. She said, “My seeing was not true: The thing was not there, nor could it ever be there in you. I know that. My imagination made me afraid.”

We all have things we cling to to survive or even thrive in our fast-paced, techno-driven world. How have you been successful in harnessing technology to aid in your spiritual growth?

Maybe it’s more what I’m trying not to do.

Social media and doom scrolling my life away have deeply wounded my soul. So I’m working on letting go of the siren call of it in my life.

I’m not anti-tech, but I am more cautious today than I’ve ever been.

The tools I use to create, however, are often with me. I type every day, either in Google Docs or MS Word. I host a daily podcast where I use Hindenburg to record, Dropbox to send those files to my engineer and Google Sheets to coordinate all the episodes.

I also have a virtual assistant, Christen, who has saved my life because I’m actually balancing five jobs: writer, speaker, podcaster, literary agent and artist. I couldn’t do it all without her.

When I’m diving into Scripture, I really like to use Precept Austin. I also use Logos software in my research.

And I listen to my readers — through my weekly emails in Kit.com, weekly Substack newsletters and my Instagram page. Hearing what they’re going through invigorates me, helps me know I am not alone and fuels me as I write.

QUESTION #8: dream

God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?

For the past several years, I have hosted and taught weeklong writing intensives in Switzerland. They have been small-scale events where I’ve seen people grow in their writing. But more than that, many have experienced healing and hope and connection to Jesus.

Sadly, the place I’ve hosted these is no longer going to work, so I’m currently working on finding a new place to host. I hope to fly to Europe with my daughter Sophie (who is my assistant) to find a space for new writing intensives.

Last year, I hosted a proposal writing intensive here in my hometown, which went very well. I’m praying about whether I should resurrect that.

I’ve also had offers from places around the states where I could revive the intensives. Right now, I’m in a posture of prayer, seeking God for what is next. Going overseas, particularly for this church planter at heart, and developing relationships with other missionaries fuels me. But more than that, I consider it a huge privilege to pour into writers.

I don’t see other writers as competition. I see us as fellow workers in God’s kingdom. So to pour into them is a joy because it means more words will be written out in this big, beautiful world. The more writers, the merrier.

Just like Pertelote from The Book of the Dun Cow misunderstood Chauntecleer, we can misunderstand God by viewing him from the lens of our past hurts and trauma. To combat these internalized lies about God, we must fill our hearts with truth, such as:

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” (2 Pet. 3:9, ESV).
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him” (Ps. 103:13).
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8).

What other truths does your heart need to remember about who God is? Consider writing them down in your journal and meditating on them throughout the week. May his truth reshape the way you see him — and yourself.

🎉 Easter Egg Activated!

Mary DeMuth