Melissa Kruger
13 min read ⭑
“If I’m obsessed with anything, it’s telling people that the everyday moments in our homes are wonderful — don’t miss them.”
Melissa Kruger’s goal in life is to encourage and equip women to walk with God all the days of their lives. In this season, her diverse projects all revolve around the simple yet imperative idea of discipleship. She’s the vice president of discipleship programming at The Gospel Coalition and author of books such as Growing Together, Walking With God in the Season of Motherhood and, her latest, The Good News Family Devotional.
Let Melissa encourage you as she discusses why she urges parents to prioritize family meals, how to prepare for deep questions from your children, and how journaling her prayers has drawn her closer to God throughout her life. You’ll also get her top recommendations for biographies and books on spiritual growth.
The following is a transcript of a live interview. Responses have been edited and condensed for brevity and clarity.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
My pick would definitely be deep dish pizza, which does not actually show anything about where I live except scarcity — because where I live, I cannot get it. It’s frustrating. But when I go home to my parents in Raleigh, they have a place that sells deep dish pizza. What I love about a good pizza is that it’s casual. It’s not complicated. I associate it with being with my favorite people. Sitting down and enjoying a meal without complications.
In some ways, it’s just the simple pleasure of life. I am not fancy. I would rather have pizza than a big steak. Most people might disagree with me on that. I love sharing everyday life together around a big old slice of pizza. It makes me happy.
Greg Rosenke; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
I love gardening, and I came about it accidentally. I’m so thankful that the smartphone did not exist when I was raising young children. I would be outside in the front yard with them to keep them alive because I didn’t want them running in the street. I was really bored, so I looked for something to do while they were running around and playing. So I started gardening.
Being in the garden is an abundance of spiritual insights. I have a plum tree in my backyard right now. I watch it through all seasons of the year. Sometimes it’s completely empty and barren. Sometimes there’s so much fruit, it looks like it’s going to break. That’s the image I keep in my mind when life is heavy with good things and ministry, and I feel like I’m going to break. I keep reminding myself that’s right before the fruit is given away. The other thing I think of when I look at my plum tree is that the fruit on that tree never actually benefits the tree. By abiding, the plum tree is simply doing what a plum tree does — it gives fruit and produces plums. As a Christian, I just abide. Then I produce love and joy and peace — the fruit that others get to experience because I’ve abided. Being a Christian is not about trying. It’s not about looking good. It’s about the fruit of being in Christ. The plum tree is not trying. It just is.
Then there are the weeds of the garden. Some get worse the longer you let them sit. I have this one weed that I have to pull when it’s little. When it’s little, I can just throw it away. If I let it linger, it gets prickly, and I have to wear gloves, or I can’t pull it out cause I’ll get wounded by this weed. It’s an image of why we need to pluck out the bad stuff early because it only gets worse as it grows.
My garden is a place where I learn and am mentally free to experience the world God created and how it reflects his goodness.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
My honest kryptonite is people-pleasing, and I hate it about myself. It gets me into trouble in that I say yes to things I probably should say no to, and I find myself busy more often than I’d like to be because I don’t want to let anyone down. Sometimes I think my people-pleasing is connected to not knowing what I want. It has become a habit to take care of others. It can even sound spiritual. “Oh, I’m just caring for other people,” but at the root of it is perhaps selfishness, because I don’t want to ruffle anyone’s feathers and make things uncomfortable. Sometimes I need to say, “No, what I really want tonight is pizza, not steak.”
I know what I’m supposed to be doing, but I don’t know what I enjoy doing. This is that moment in life. My son is 22, and I watch him. My son has liked building rockets since he was maybe 10 years old, and he just graduated with a degree in aerospace. He’s going to do his master’s in aerospace. My son is a kind young man, and yet he does what he wants to do. It’s really interesting. He’s not selfish, so I can see it in him. He just knows what his calling is. He knows what he’s here for, and he doesn’t need to people-please. In fact, when we were making the decision about his grad school, I called him to apologize and I said, “Hey, I’m sorry if I was pressuring you toward this one program. I don’t want you to feel pressured to go to a certain school.” And he said, “Oh, Mom, I wasn’t. I’m not really worried about what you think.” I’m so glad my son has the maturity to really be able to say, “No, I know what I want,” and not in a selfish way. I would love to grow in that.
Trying to satisfy other people is a pit that can never be filled. But there’s real freedom in meeting with the Lord, listening to him and obeying who he’s made me to be rather than focusing on what other people think I should be doing. You end up being the blessing you were meant to be to those people because you’re so secure in what you know you’re called to do that you’re that part of the body.
Here’s where people-pleasing can be prideful, using the analogy of the body. Let’s say I’m created to be a pinkie, but I keep trying to act like a knee for this person, an ear for that person and a toe for that person. It’s pretty prideful to think I can be all things. Instead, I should say, “No, I’m a pinkie, and I’m going to be great at being a pinkie. Let me serve in this way.” People-pleasing can look servant-hearted, but in the end, it’s actually trying to be everything rather than being content with who the Lord has made me be.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
My current obsession is family discipleship and the importance of what happens in the home. Maybe I’m saying this because I just became an empty nester, so I am looking back on a season and realizing how formative the family unit is and how thankful I am for what we created in the home during those years.
My husband and I just wrote a book called “The Good News Family Devotional.” It’s about how to take your family through the Gospel of Mark. It provides questions for older children, questions for younger children and a devotional for the parent.
When I first got my copy, I opened it up and started crying. I realized I was homesick for the experience of being around the table every morning when it’s not special. I still get those moments with my kids when it’s special, but what I missed was the everyday sitting around the breakfast table, sharing prayer requests, my son flipping his water bottle, my dog making sighing noises when we prayed. Just the everyday beauty of being together and talking about the most important things in life. I’m so thankful we made it a priority. We often talk about the things we regret in parenting, and of course, we all have those. But I will never regret choosing that time around the table to talk and have real conversations with our kids.
When I talk about it with other people, it is not to put burdens on them but to say, “Oh, don’t miss this.” Although most parents are not willingly choosing bad paths for their children, there are a lot of very distracting paths right now that are robbing us of family togetherness, whether it’s our phones, sporting events, or an obsession with school and achievement. As a result, we’re missing the better thing, trying for something that is actually right in front of us. So if I’m obsessed with anything, it’s telling people that the everyday moments in our homes are wonderful — don’t miss them.
I also have a kids’ book coming out in October. My daughter fell off her bike when she was 5. We had just been talking that morning about how God is good and is watching over you all the time. She looked at me and said, “Well, if God’s so good and he’s watching over me, why did he let me fall off my bike?” Many of us as parents aren’t prepared for these conversations, like when your daughter asks about the problem of evil at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday. So this book tries to have that theological conversation with your kids. It’s written in rhyme because I like writing fun books for kids.
Regarding my job for The Gospel Coalition, we’re getting ready to host a big conference in Indianapolis. We’ll have almost 9,000 women there, and we’ll be studying God’s Word together, looking at the different types of Psalms and how they all turn our eyes to Jesus.
I feel very scattered. I like doing a lot of different things, but they all involve discipleship at some level.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
The Holy Spirit has been at work, taking God’s Word and intersecting it in my life in ways I cannot explain. I do a couple of things regularly. One is reading the Bible in a year. I’m not doing that this year, but I do that on a regular schedule. I start in January, and it’ll be November, and the passage will uniquely intersect with my life. The Lord knew I needed to be in that passage that day. When it happens, it’s as though he’s saying, “I’m right here. I am not unaware of what’s going on.”
I also read through a devotional every day called “Daily Light on the Daily Path.” It was put together in the 1800s. It’s all Scripture. Some days, those verses hit in such a way that I feel like, Is someone watching me? Sometimes it’s not even for me. A woman asked to go for a walk recently, and during our chat, I ended up talking about what I had read in “Daily Light” that morning. I shared that morning’s verse with her, and she said, “That’s the verse that keeps coming to mind about this very serious thing.” When I showed her the “Daily Light” verse for that morning, she said, “I’ve got to do this.” It led to a moment of amazement at how God continues to speak. When we sit with his Word, the Spirit weaves it into our lives and relationships in a majestic way. It shows that he’s with us, even if we can’t explain it.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
In addition to being in the Word, I really love to write out my prayers. It helps me focus. I’ve been doing this since I became a Christian at 14. I think around 15, I started writing in a journal. I’ve never actually gone back and read it because I’m terrified to see what I wrote back then — I’m incredibly honest when I pour out my heart.
Prayer journaling feels like writing Psalms. In the Psalms, the psalmist often pours out his heart, and then there’s always a turn as he remembers the truths about God. Somehow, that happens in the process of writing out my prayers. If I’m upset with someone or frustrated about a circumstance, it allows me to release it and then remember. Because I get it all out, and then I recall that the Lord is with me. Often, I’m reminded of my own sin, particularly if I’m frustrated with someone else’s sin. I’m humbled to remember the Lord’s patience with me and his kindheartedness toward me.
It also lets me slow down. That’s what I love about journaling. In our modern world, everything is so fast. I still journal with my pen. I think there’s something about that process that slows me down while I’m praying so I can hear from the Lord. It’s a practice that has helped me throughout my whole life.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
“Knowing God” by J.I. Packer, for sure. I still read his chapter on the Incarnation every year at Christmas. I love it.
The second one is biographies. There are so many that have changed my life, such as the biography of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot, “A Chance to Die.” It’s excellent and changed how I view what I wanted my life to be about. I read it in my early 20s in college.
One that probably hasn’t been mentioned before but is excellent is “The Art of Divine Contentment” by Thomas Watson. It’s probably 80 pages, and I have underlined and highlighted most of it. My first book was actually on contentment and the combination of coveting and envy. I read this book after writing that. Watson says, “Discontentment is nothing more than the echo of unbelief.”
The way Puritan authors wrote, you can tell they looked at nature. They were thinking rather than absorbing. My cellphone makes me absorb a lot, but I don’t think as much. I love how the Puritans create word images that make you understand a concept in such a way that you hold onto it a little bit more deeply. He does that really well in “The Art of Divine Contentment.” Most people go to “The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment,” which is longer, but this one is really well done. Every sentence is dense.
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
I’m tempted to say the ability to text. I’m much quicker when I’m in my “Daily Light” reading to take a picture and send it to a friend and say, “Hey, I’m praying these verses for you” or “When I read these, you came to mind.” I love it when people do that to me. To me, they’re not trying to show off how spiritual they are, and I hope it never reads that way to someone else when I do it. Instead, I feel so encouraged when people have done that to me, and it always makes me think, Oh, the Spirit is raising up people to pray for me.
I have certain friends whom I feel the Lord has put me in their lives to be a faithful intercessor for them. I watch some of the ministries they have that I know are influential. I realize the burden of that for them, so I have felt called to be the behind-the-scenes pray-er for some of those friends. I love being able to take a quick picture and say, “Hey, I’m praying this exact verse.” It’s amazing how many times I’ve heard back, “That’s exactly what I needed today.”
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
My husband and I started working on a book about six months ago about how to teach the Bible. It’s a wonderful combination for us both. He’s a professor of the New Testament, and I was an educator, so I love teaching.
I don’t think we talk enough in the church about how people learn. We talk a lot about how to break down the text, but people learn differently from how we teach sometimes. When I taught high school math, which is no one’s favorite subject, I had to think through how I could make a difficult subject accessible for kids who perhaps weren’t interested.
In the church, we don’t do that enough. To remember that the people who walk in the door are humans who are living life and have no interest in what the pastor is talking about that day. So how do we help people learn and make it accessible for them? One of the ways I love to do that is by asking good questions in small groups. People think of that as facilitating, but it’s actually an effective method of teaching. How can I, by asking good questions, help someone else get out of the text what is there rather than just telling them? It’s the lightbulb moments. When you see that happen with a child, you know they discover the information for themselves. You realize they actually learned it. It’s one thing to access information; it’s another to learn it. Once someone can communicate something they’ve learned, that’s when real learning takes place. So the book teaches how to teach — but also to understand how people learn.
No matter how rich or poor, families across all corners of the U.S. are facing a growing problem: finding time to eat around the table as a family. Nowadays, only 30% of families do so regularly, compared to roughly 80% in 1975.
Yet there’s a good reason people like Melissa Kruger are encouraging parents to work toward reversing this trend. Studies show that eating together consistently benefits the body, mental health, and even academic performance. Others have found that it can help children avoid future substance abuse, violence, and other anti-social behaviors.
Eating regular meals as a family is by no means a magic bullet to avoid problems. Ultimately, we rely on God’s grace and love to lead us as we raise our children and live for him. Still, this simple practice helps us lean into how he designed us to live — in community.
Melissa B. Kruger is vice president of discipleship programming at The Gospel Coalition and author of multiple books, including Growing Together, Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood and the popular children’s book Wherever You Go, I Want You to Know. Melissa and her husband, Mike, have three children.