Tim Kelly
10 min read ⭑
“Now, after delving into the depths of Sarah’s life, including the tremendous suffering she endured year after year, I am changed. Her journey somehow healed my heart …”
As a clinical psychologist, academic scholar and faculty member, and author of books about mental health, Dr. Timothy A. Kelly understands the fallout of human struggles like grief, disappointment and trauma. And even more so because he’s experienced them himself — in the loss of his only son and, more recently, the loss of his sister, Sarah Young, author of the bestselling devotional Jesus Calling. His new book, Sarah Young’s Journey to Jesus: A Brother’s Personal Remembrances, tells the story of how Christ’s love transformed her and the entire Kelly family.
In this interview, Tim doesn’t hold back as he opens up about his journey through grief and how knowing God’s fatherly heart has helped him cope with the ache of losing his only son, Patrick. Still, this conversation is marked by joy and light, as Tim shares about his favorite local restaurants and coffee shops, his literal mountaintop experience with God and his exact routine for daily morning devotions. Come, and be encouraged.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
My wife, Xiaohui, and I have two homes, one in Franklin, Tennessee, and the other in Shanghai. When here in the U.S., we often go to the Puffy Muffin restaurant near Franklin. It’s family-run and has a lovely “homespun” atmosphere and tasty fresh dishes. Our favorite is the “Tea Room Sampler” with a nice helping of tuna fish, chicken salad and pimento cheese. We love it!
I also use this restaurant to host three close buddies of mine on a regular basis — an early morning “Puffy Muffin breakfast” for four guys who’ve known each other for many years. Recently, one of the guys came down with final-stage ALS and is no longer able to join us. So we have his empty chair before us as we eat, and I usually bring him a pancake breakfast (his favorite) when we’re done. As I watch him barely manage to eat even with special utensils, I feel love and pity for him and so wish I could make him well! But I’m also very proud of him. He’s a pastor, and he’s determined to keep preaching weekly as long as possible.
Sometimes I’m the one to transport him in his wheelchair to the church on Sunday. As I watch him seated awkwardly in front of the congregation, struggling to breathe but still speaking the Word in a clear and passionate voice, I may tear up a little.
“In this world you will have trouble” is certainly true. But so is “be of good cheer — I have overcome the world.” (See John 16:33.)
Anubhav Arora; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
I have become a coffee cafe addict. I know, everyone is, but I think I’m on the severe end of the addiction spectrum. I have three favorites: The Fainting Goat Coffee, Just Love Coffee and Crema Coffee Roasters.
On any given day, I do my best to hit at least one, two if possible. I love a really good, large cappuccino — extra hot! But it’s more than that. As I walk into the cafe, I smell the wonderful coffee aroma, and I also join a small community of interesting folks, a wide variety of men and women, old and young, from all walks of life. Some are with others and chatting away, but many are like me — solo and hard at work writing on a computer. I’ll gladly join in, usually for about two to three hours.
Somehow, the environment of many writers typing away inspires me, energizes me, and invariably, I do my best work there. I also look up now and again and focus on those around me. Each one is unique, some seemingly troubled, most quite focused and productive, and I imagine for a moment what life is like for each one. Then I say a short prayer for God’s blessing over whatever that person may be working on or struggling with. It leaves me with warm feelings of appreciation for each person, whether they fit with me socially or not.
This is how I wrote “Sarah Young’s Journey to Jesus” over the past almost three years, marinated in coffee, inspired by all the children of God drawn to coffee cafes.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
My kryptonite is the sorrows of life.
As a licensed clinical psychologist, I have had the privilege of working with adults, teens and couples from all walks of life — both here in the U.S. and in China. I deeply respect and care for each one, and do my very best to provide clinical care that will lead to improvement, if not recovery.
Thankfully, many have benefited from my care and have told me, sometimes years later, how life-giving it was for them. But even in cases that turn out well, I am privy to the things we don’t share with anyone else — horrific trauma experiences, suicidal thoughts and attempts, endless struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. All the sufferings we endure.
I find that, somehow, the sum total of life’s sorrows has filled my sadness bucket, and I am too often only a moment away from tears. I manage it by doing my best to catch it early on and shift attention. When I see my friend with severe ALS still laboring hard to preach, I take a deep breath, tamp my eyes enough to avoid tears flowing, and turn instead to praying for him.
Tears often flowed for my sister Sarah when she died, and they still do at times. But writing “Sarah Young’s Journey to Jesus” has taught me that, in fact, tears are OK. No need to fear them. After all, Jesus wept at Lazarus’ tomb.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
As a writer, I have labored long and hard over “Sarah Young’s Journey to Jesus” for almost three years. In the process, I kept stumbling onto issues related to the untimely death of my only son, Patrick, at age 34. He passed away in 2012 from a second round of PCNS cancer. He’s mentioned a few times in my book because Sarah loved him so dearly, and even dedicated one of her books to him.
I had tried many times over the years to write a Patrick book as a loving memorial, but kept hitting a block. The problem was that I was basically mad as h--- about Patrick’s loss and looking for something — anything — to blame. The initial chapters were moving, but also grim and hopeless.
Now, after delving into the depths of Sarah’s life, including the tremendous suffering she endured year after year, I am changed. Her journey somehow healed my heart over the loss of Patrick because, despite everything this fallen world threw at her, Sarah never lost her focus on and love for Jesus. And Jesus never failed to come through for her, no matter how unjust or excruciating life had become. (I knew this academically, but not down deep in my soul.)
So now, I am ready to take a fresh start with the Patrick book. I hope and pray that this time, it will be deeply moving with grief, but not hopeless — true to the story both good and bad, but ending with a focus on the loving presence of Christ, which in fact kept us sane and comforted every day through our trial.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
I had a literal mountaintop experience many years ago that swept me into the presence of the Lord and changed the course of my life. I was a fairly new believer, married with a newborn child, and working as an auto mechanic. I was a college dropout, and my future did not look promising. My Swiss wife and I traveled to Lausanne, Switzerland, to show off our new child to family there. I then took a few days to visit L’Abri, a Christian community high up in the Swiss Alps where I had become a believer years before.
While there, I saw a mountain peak that called to me and hiked up to the very top. On the peak, I found a large wooden cross with “1517 — Thy Word Is Truth” carved into it (It was in French. Such crosses were placed on mountaintops during the Protestant Reformation). The cross overwhelmed me, as I strongly felt the presence of Christ and knew deep within my soul that his love and protection were with me all along. I then had an incredible time of praise and adoration standing beside the cross, hands raised, even yelling “Praise God” now and again.
As I turned to come back down before nightfall, I knew I was called to return to university and follow his lead from there. I did so, earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Vanderbilt University and went on to follow his lead into clinical care, government, academe and authorship!
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
My morning devotions have become precious to me, and I have followed them religiously for many years. I start with slipping out of bed in such a way that my knees touch the carpet first, and pray an opening prayer of thanksgiving while bent over the bed, head on folded hands. Then I head out to the porch, looking out on the beauty of a fresh new day, and say my morning prayers — sometimes with arms raised. I pray for family, those in need of healing, those “on the way” and for my country.
Then I pray this prayer word for word that I adopted from a Jewish prayer long ago: “Praise be to you, Lord God, King of the universe, for you create the fruit of the vine. You give the gift of music, the wonder of love. You alone have words of eternal life, you alone are worthy of praise, and I praise you, singing.”
I then go inside, pick up my guitar and sing a few praise songs. I love singing “The Doxology,” “What Child Is This,” “How Great Is Our God” and “The Blessing,” among others. On good days, when I’m singing particularly well, I find myself yelling out after “How Great Is Our God,” one of Sarah’s favorites. I encourage everyone to find a combination of prayer and song (recorded or sung) that works for you — it’s a great way to start the day!
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
Three books stand out for me in my faith walk.
The first is the book I was reading when I actually stepped into the kingdom. It’s a classic — John Stott’s “Basic Christianity.” It has a powerful and clear presentation of the gospel and then offers a prayer of repentance for the reader to use if desired. I followed Stott’s offer, said the prayer out loud (I was alone), and my life was never the same!
The second is a recent book by Michael Guillen called “Believing Is Seeing.” Dr. Guillen is a well-known Harvard physicist who became a believer based on his deep understanding of both science and faith. He demonstrates that science is as much based on faith as Christianity is and that the two actually go hand in hand very nicely. Along the way, he includes many scientific findings that are mind-blowing.
The third is a recent book by Jeremiah Johnston called “The Jesus Discoveries.” Dr. Johnson is an acclaimed biblical scholar, and he presents the latest in textual and archaeological discoveries related to the life and times of Jesus. It turns out that the events recounted in the New Testament, contrary to what skeptics have claimed, are quite accurate. As he puts it, the claims of Christianity are grounded in verifiable data, unlike other world religions.
“Believing Is Seeing” and “The Jesus Discoveries” are great reads for someone who is scientifically oriented and considering the claims of Christianity. They are also fascinating and encouraging for those of us already in the kingdom.
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Writing “Sarah’s Journey” changed me, and I am now able to process the undying grief of losing my only son, Patrick, in a new way. So my plan is to pick up where I left off on my once-started Patrick book and rewrite it with a newly inspired Christo-centric perspective. The grief is still overwhelming, as is the struggle of losing one’s only son. And yet, it occurs to me that God the Father has also experienced that. Could it be that our heavenly Father carries that same wound?
My book will explore how it makes our burden lighter to know that our God really gets it. The book will also lay out the key roles of family and community in surviving such tragedies and conclude with a list of strategies for how to handle the greatest trials of life in a Holy Spirit-inspired way.
I am also going to explore the possibility of writing a book on Christian Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Sarah was very focused on addressing the cognitive side of hopelessness, depression and anxiety. She addressed it in many of her devotional entries and called it “a battle for the mind.” As a therapist, she understood the teachings of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) very well — as do I. I hope to be able to offer a book that will be useful both to Christian therapists and to the believer who is struggling with anxiety, depression or both. The goal is to present effective strategies to alleviate the burden of stress and dysphoria in a Christo-centric manner that includes CBT.
This world of ours is filled with suffering, and often unimaginable loss. As Christians, we are in no way exempt from this pain. But we do have an advantage.
The late author and theologian Timothy Keller wrote, “The glory of the Christian life is that we have a hope that overwhelms grief. It doesn’t eradicate it. It sweetens it. It overwhelms it.”
Grieving with Jesus, putting our hope entirely in him and not in this life, doesn’t mean we’re using a “crutch.” It means we’re processing the pain of this fallen world the way we were designed to — with him.
Tim Kelly has served on the faculty of several universities, including American University and Fuller Seminary Graduate School of Psychology. He has published widely, having written books, book chapters and journal articles. In 1994, Tim was appointed commissioner for the Virginia Department of Mental Health. He focused on reforming the mental health system and later wrote a book based on this experience, titled Healing the Broken Mind: Transforming America’s Failed Mental Health System (NYU Press, 2009). Tim is an expert in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), offering treatment for teens, adults and couples.