Sharon Miller
9 min read ⭑
“I am so deeply grateful that my husband pushed me to do something I never would have chosen myself — because I really do believe I was made for this. It is the most satisfying work I have ever done, and I truly believe God made me for it.”
Sharon Miller isn’t afraid to speak up about what the Bible has to teach us about faith, culture, self-focus and “nice” Christianity. And she takes every opportunity to do so as co-pastor of Bright City Church in Durham, North Carolina. She’s also the author of several books, including her latest release, Gazing at God. Join us for a conversation about eastern vs. western North Carolina barbecue, the power to hurt or heal with our words and wrestling with God over the Scriptures. She also digs into why her husband insisted that she help him lead their church plant.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
I love barbecue and sweet tea, but because I am from North Carolina, you have to be very specific about what that means. In North Carolina, there are actually two kinds of barbecue: eastern and western. Eastern barbecue uses a vinegar-based sauce, and western barbecue uses a tomato-based sauce. Western is the more classic, sweet kind that most people are familiar with, and that is the kind I love. However, my extended family has always loved eastern barbecue, and this was a huge problem for me growing up. My grandfather would literally drive over an hour just to get eastern barbecue from a particular restaurant in Lexington, North Carolina, and my husband prefers it too, and I genuinely do not understand! But that is what I was raised on.
So with the exception of vinegar-based barbecue, I love nearly all Southern cooking — pulled pork and slaw, shrimp and grits, fried okra — and I don’t really care where I eat it, as long as it is legit!
Bastien Nvs; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
One of the ways I describe myself unironically is that I am a “Disney adult.” I grew up going to Disney as a kid, and I try to go to the parks as often as I can, not only because of the memories I have there but because of the genius and imagination that went into creating them. As both a leader and a church planter, there is a lot about Walt Disney’s big dreams, his willingness to take massive risks and his ability to empower and lead creatives well that inspires me in my own calling.
Walt Disney is also a great example of the power of storytelling, a power that no one understood and harnessed better than Jesus. I think a lot of people assume Disney is kitschy and saccharine, but when I watch Disney movies or go to the parks, I am reminded of how deeply stories speak to the human experience, and how important it is to model Jesus’ own use of story as a vehicle for communicating deep truth.
All of that to say, when people come for Disney, I am ready to fight them! It genuinely inspires me and pushes me in both my leadership and my preaching craft.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
Several months ago, I got my first tattoo, a small sword on the inside of my wrist. I decided to get this symbol because it represents both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness: my tongue. I am, and have always been, very strong with my words. It’s what makes me a good writer and preacher. At the same time, there is a reason Scripture compares the tongue to a sword — because we can so easily cut others with our words.
Throughout my life, I have done great damage with my words. I am quick to speak and slow to listen, and this has hurt many people I love most. It has also gotten me in trouble at times! For years, I have asked the Holy Spirit to tame my tongue, to protect me from my own proclivity to speak before I think, and he has been faithful, but the growth has been incredibly slow, almost too slow to notice.
To this day, I still feel the weight of this, and it’s why I decided to get a reminder tattooed on my wrist. In addition to comparing the tongue to a sword, Scripture makes the same comparison with God’s Word, the “sword of the Spirit” (Eph. 6:17), so the tattoo is a reminder to submit the sword of my tongue to the sword of God’s Word. Whether I am preaching a sermon or simply talking with my kids, I want to wield this gift well.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
For the last seven years, I have been co-pastoring a church with my husband, but this is not a role I ever dreamed of having. When I was a young woman discerning my leadership gifts and how to use them, my female role models all led outside the church. They wrote books. They traveled and spoke at conferences. None of them was a pastor. So it simply wasn’t on my radar.
Then, when my husband and I planted our church, he felt very strongly that I should hold a lead pastor position. At that time, I had just given birth to our third child and was writing my second book, and we had just moved, so that didn’t sound doable to me. He pushed back, however, because we live in one of the most highly educated areas in the country (Raleigh-Durham), where women are leading in every sector except the church. He believed very strongly that I needed to model my gifts as an act of stewardship, demonstrating to other women how to steward theirs.
And so, I became a pastor! In fact, the first time I ever preached on a Sunday morning without my husband was at our church plant.
I am so deeply grateful that my husband pushed me to do something I never would have chosen myself — because I really do believe I was made for this. It is the most satisfying work I have ever done, and I truly believe God made me for it.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
I experience the Holy Spirit most powerfully when I am preparing my sermons. In fact, I enjoy preparing a sermon more than I do preaching it for this exact reason. Whenever I sit down with Scripture, I am always asking the question, “Why should I care about this?” I realize that might sound sacrilegious, but I think that is the question a lot of people subconsciously wonder whenever they open up the Bible. So I want to understand how God’s Word confronts us, or consoles us, in the ways that it is uniquely able to do.
That said, this answer does not always come to me easily! There is usually a lot of wrestling involved. I often think of Jacob wrestling with the angel, declaring he will not let go until he blesses him. This is my philosophy of sermon prep in a nutshell, but it often happens very slowly and mysteriously. When reading commentaries or writing out my thoughts only takes me so far, I stop, go on a walk and pray. Or drive and pray. Or go to sleep and pray. What I am needing, really, is for the Holy Spirit to meet me, illuminate my mind and give me insight I couldn’t have gained on my own.
And? He always, always does. The passage before me can look, at first, like a desert wasteland, but he will always help me to find water there.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
I have been loving solitude, which I never dreamed I would ever say. As a classic Enneagram 7, I don’t like being bored, sad or stressed, and I am very good at distracting myself from these things.
And that’s the whole problem! I know how to run from my pain. Even very minor pain. If something in ministry is uncomfortable, I will hop in my car and turn on a podcast or an audiobook. I will do my level best to ignore it, and this has been a very unhealthy practice for me. It has inhibited me from metabolizing my pain, from taking it to God and processing it with him.
Last year, our church did a study on the practice of silence and solitude, and it was a game-changer for me. It helped me to recognize when I am trying to escape my pain, and that those are the precise moments when I need to be present with God.
Of course, it is not very often that I can practice true, off-the-grid solitude. As a mom of three kids, I do have to get creative. Sometimes, solitude looks like sitting alone in my office. Sometimes, it looks like driving in my van without any music playing. But this practice has been powerful and important for both my faith and leadership.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis will probably go down as one of the single greatest works of insight into ordinary human sin. I first read that book 20 years ago, and I still think about it all the time. Lewis was a genius, and I can’t think of a book that has helped me to see myself more honestly.
“The Cost of Discipleship” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer is another classic I find myself returning to again and again, particularly his section on “cheap grace.” It articulated a truth about the nature of grace that I have not only needed personally — many times! — but that has helped me to name spiritual dysfunctions happening around me as well.
And then finally, anything by Tim Keller. So much of my own writing is downstream of his. My first book was inspired by his book “The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness.” His book “Prodigal God” fundamentally shaped my understanding of the gospel, and its theme runs through a lot of my writing. So I refuse to pick one of his books. There are too many!
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
I love the Pray As You Go app. It has a Lectio Divina format, so it is incredibly simple, but the reflection questions are often quite profound. It helps me to slow down, be still, really chew on Scripture and make myself present to the presence of God.
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
This is a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I feel as called as ever to lead my local church. It is exactly where I want to be for the foreseeable future!
That said, I am also an author. I love to write books (I have written four), and I especially love writing books that identify the ways our culture has discipled us and how to resist that influence. I feel especially gifted and called to bring prophetic clarity to our cultural moment.
However, I don’t feel a lot of clarity right now. Our culture is in a season of disruption, and a lot is changing fast. I still find myself trying to get a grip on what it all means and how followers of Jesus can be faithful in the midst of it. Because I lack this clarity, I am still in a posture of waiting and listening. I would love to write more books, and I think that I will, but I need to hear more from God before I do.
As Sharon just described, following after God doesn’t mean we always have clarity on where we’re going. And she’s not the only one to experience this. The apostle Paul did, too.
“And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, ‘Come over to Macedonia and help us.’ And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them” (Acts 16:6-10, ESV).
Following God’s will sometimes means his Spirit interrupts our plans. Redirects us. Then redirects us again. The important thing is that we’re paying attention — because as long as our hearts are truly open, he will guide us.
Sharon Miller leads Bright City Church in Durham, North Carolina, with her husband, Ike. She has a Ph.D. in women and calling and is the author of four books, most recently Gazing at God. She travels and speaks around the country, but her greatest joy is being at home with her husband and three kids.