Disagreements Over Finances Common in Marriage
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: I'm a firm believer in budgeting, but my husband doesn't think it will work in our situation. How can I convince him that this approach is important?
Jim: Finances are one of the most significant — and common — issues in any marriage. Disagreements about money can create huge problems between husband and wife. But the need for good communication is even more important. In fact, communication is absolutely fundamental to the health and longevity of your relationship. So before tackling the budgeting and finances question, I strongly suggest you take steps to strengthen the foundation of your marriage. That includes reading up on the subjects of marital communication and goal setting. (We can help with that — see below).
That being said, I'll hazard a guess that "your situation" is probably one that's faced by millions of families: Your bills are bigger than your paycheck and you're spending more than you're earning. The good news is that there is HOPE — even if it doesn't seem like it. You might need to seek professional assistance, but if you and your husband can learn to communicate better and get on the same page, you can develop a workable plan for gaining control of your finances.
The key is to learn how to live on less than you earn — which is really what a budget is all about. In the process, you can:
— Establish a spending plan
— Reduce stress
— Encourage saving
— Discourage debt
— Facilitate flexibility
— Allow for the unexpected
— Encourage charitable giving
Setting up a budget requires discussing and establishing your priorities. That will take you a long way in the direction of relational and financial harmony.
We have plenty of resources to help at FocusOnTheFamily.com. If you feel you need more direct assistance sorting through these ideas and applying them to your situation, feel free to give our counselors a call at 855-771-HELP (4357).
Q: My daughter is a wonderful child but doesn't always see her own value. I believe in her — and yet I sometimes have trouble communicating that to her. How can I build my child up?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: There are many factors — and types of people — generally impacting who and what we become. Let's talk about three types of "builders" your child needs: investors, influencers, and encouragers.
Who are the investors in your daughter's life? These are people who contribute their time, talents, money and advice. I had several coaches during my teen years who invested time in me. For example, I was awful at tennis in high school. But one coach believed in me and took time to help me become a better player. Eventually I won a tennis scholarship my second year of college, all because someone invested in me.
What about the positive influencers in your daughter's life? These are wise life decision-makers your daughter admires and trusts. They teach and model good examples. These may include siblings, friends, teachers, mentors, coaches and, of course, parents.
Who are encouragers in your daughter's life? These individuals' words propel us forward, reminding us of our value, direction and purpose. (Unfortunately, many of us tend to pay more attention to the critics.) My high school principal stopped me once and said, "You're going to be a great leader someday." Those were profound, fueling words. He may not remember that moment of encouragement, but I'll never forget it.
I urge you to commit to consistently investing in your daughter, positively influencing and persistently encouraging her along the way. And remind her to not give critics too much airtime in her mind.
For more practical parenting tips and tools to help your child thrive, see FocusOnParenting.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.
