How to Find More Time to Spend With Your Family
Jim Daly
Focus on the Family
A weekly advice column written by Jim Daly, Focus on the Family draws upon a deep, abiding Christian faith to help heal broken marriages and troubled families, built on a foundation of “the power of hope and second chances.” Focus on the Family’s sound, Christian guidance gives readers helpful answers on how to navigate a steady path in an uncertain world.
Q: As a husband and father, I know I should be spending more time with my family. I really want to — I just don’t see how I can fit more in when I’m so busy working to provide for them. Do you have any suggestions?
Jim: There eventually comes a point where we have to face a hard truth: We can (and will) always make time for whatever is most important to us. Once you decide what comes first, you’ll be surprised how easy it is to make adjustments.
One way to make more family time might be to alter your daily schedule. If you can go into work early, that might enable you to leave earlier and get home sooner. Doing this consistently could free up several extra hours a week — time that could be spent with your wife and kids.
Also, if you can, avoid going out to lunch. When you factor in driving, parking, ordering and then eating, the lunch “hour” can easily stretch to double that time — or more. Instead, pack a lunch and take just a 30-minute break. Besides being cheaper, it might clear enough extra time to catch your daughter’s soccer game later in the day.
Finally, honestly evaluate your lifestyle. Don’t be so quick to accept that promotion — especially if it’s going to require even more work or extra travel. Your family needs you more than they need extra income or more stuff. And you can’t buy back the time you lose.
I’m certainly not suggesting that you shirk your responsibilities at work. Just make sure your job isn’t all-consuming. There’s a big difference between putting in an honest day’s work and being a workaholic. Focus on what matters most — those you love — and you’ll find a healthy balance.
Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while and we’re seriously considering our future together. If we continue to move toward marriage, we want to do everything we can to strengthen our relationship. I’ve heard people talk about pre-marital counseling; is that a good idea?
Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I agree with many other experts that one of the most important things you and your fiance can do before getting married is to get pre-marital counseling. But let’s take it a step further: What about pre-engagement counseling?
Realistically, getting counseling before you’re even engaged is a fantastic investment in the future health of your relationship. Think about it: By the time a couple actually gets engaged, they’re largely predisposed against undertaking an in-depth, objective assessment of the relationship. They’ve already invested so much, and there’s often a social stigma associated with breaking off an engagement. So, many engaged couples would rather just coast along instead of honestly admitting and dealing with their own (and one another’s) character flaws ... along with other things that could cause trouble down the road.
So, here’s my suggestion: If you’ve been dating someone for more than six months and feel that your relationship could be headed toward engagement and marriage, it’s a great idea to set up a few counseling sessions with a qualified marriage and family therapist.
Note that this is NOT an admission that there’s something seriously wrong with your relationship. Instead, it’s a proactive commitment on both of your parts to make your relationship the best it can possibly be before taking the next step. Consider it this way: Investing in pre-engagement counseling now could save you the pain and expense of a divorce later on.
We offer many resources (including a national counseling referral network) to help couples at any stage — dating, engaged and married. See FocusOnTheFamily.com.
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author and president of Focus on the Family. He is also the host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.
Distributed by Andrews McMeel Syndication. Copyright © 2024. Used with permission.