Alyson Pryor
10 min read ⭑
“Every one of us is longing to slow down and rest in the assurance that we are loved and accepted, apart from what we produce.”
A former psychotherapist, Alyson Pryor is a certified spiritual director and marriage and family therapist with one goal — to co-journey with others as they walk with God. As a mom of five kids and busy writer, she understands how difficult it can be to find moments in our chaotic lives to pause and connect with God. That’s why she creates resources — including her new book, Come Away and Rest: A Guide to Personal Spiritual Retreats — that explore health, relationships and soul care for Christians who hunger for more of Jesus.
In our interview with Alyson below, you’ll fall in love with her favorite eateries in L.A. and discover how she unplugs to be with God on busy days, the biggest obstacles she faces to true rest and the resources that have shaped her ministry and relationship with God.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
We live in a suburb of Los Angeles that was founded by Quakers. There is a church on every corner, and most of the sidewalks are cracked from being overpacked with old trees. We bought a 1909 dilapidated duplex on the main thoroughfare in the city, and we can walk three blocks to great food and visit all the mom-and-pop shops along the way. My favorite of these is a restaurant called Bizarra Capital, which has the most amazing homemade salsa, homemade tortillas, homemade everything.
Years after this became a favorite place for date night or a taco hangout with friends, I found out the owner went to our church. We happened to fall into the same small group, and when he hosted, he made us the most amazing ceviche that I still think about. These happenings feel somewhat normal in our smallish town, where it seems like everyone knows each other. The city is layered in memories for me of crossing paths with the same people, as my kids and I walk the same sidewalks and eat the same foods. On the way to this restaurant, we pass the farmers market my kids used to beg to go to every Friday for “the good strawberries,” bringing money they’d saved all week to buy kettle corn. Whether we are walking home from the restaurants or just going to fetch the mail out front, we are guaranteed to have friends pass us by and give us a honk.
Dewang Gupta; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
There is rarely a night I miss watching the sunset, and if I do, I’m mad about it. This practice started when my kids were young, maybe 12, 10, 8, 5 and 3. I remember reading Phyllis Tickle’s book, “The Divine Hours,” and the practice of pausing through the hours of the day became a refreshing way to consciously plug back into God in the middle of chaotic family life. It helped me realize, if nothing else, how often I got “unplugged.”
But I always seemed to miss the Vespers prayer that came right at the witching hour, when all the kids were their most animated, dinner had to be made and chaos bloomed everywhere I looked. I remember several nights, stirring pasta while signing a reading log, noticing the sun setting through my large front picture window, and feeling an ache to just sit with the Lord and watch it. So one day, I did. I turned off the burners and told the kids not to come for me unless there was a true emergency, and I did what my soul had been longing to do. Now I spend those crucial 15 to 20 minutes outside every night, despite the weather or demands. Dinner, homework and finding ballet slippers have to wait. Sometimes I still pray the formal Vespers prayer, but most nights, I simply watch the sky as it moves to blue, to purple, to pink and wonder how God is able to make the same thing different every day.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
I think one of the hardest things to do as an adult is undo the scaffolding of our inner world, slowly demolishing the ways of thinking, behaviors and patterns that saved us as children but do not serve us as adults. For me, worrying, often to the point of compulsion, gave me a sense of control as a child. I did some good demolition work in this area in my 20s, but once I began having kids, that capacity to worry, fear and control reared its ugly head. I had my first panic attacks after having kids, and found myself often asking friends if they let their kids do such and such, always trying to gauge if my worry over them was a good instinct to hone or an idol to tear down.
It wasn’t until my kids grew older that I really began to confront this proclivity not as “good parenting” but as a problem, perhaps even sin. My kids, as they grew, began to mirror back my anxiety and name my overprotection as fear. Their honest responses to how that shaped their lives were what really began to break it down. It remains one of the greatest areas of growth for me, where the Lord is continually challenging me to trust him more.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
If I were to boil down my passions into one, it would have to be an obsession with the health of the church — the people who make up the body of Christ.
For a long time, the church (at least in my Western evangelical sphere) was captivated by the notion that God wanted to “use” us. In the last several years, I have paid more careful attention to how that language of “using” has formed my inner world and my journey with Jesus. Most specifically, if God wants to use me, what about when I am not useful or productive? What about when I rest?
I currently work as a spiritual director, in a private capacity and on staff at a Christian university. I work with people of all ages, stages, demographics and ethnicities, and I notice how many, if not most, come to me because of burnout in their spiritual lives. Being welcomed into another’s interior world has really shaped my writing as well. Every one of us is longing to slow down and rest in the assurance that we are loved and accepted, apart from what we produce. So I end up spending a lot of time honing this passion, either in person or in my writing (such as with my latest book, “Come Away and Rest”), as I help people connect with the God who wants to love them more than he wants to use them.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
When I worked as a therapist, I never figured out how to truly integrate my faith into the therapeutic space. I often noticed a low-grade anxious hum inside myself, as I had internalized the (false) notion that my client’s progress or healing depended on my skills.
Spiritual direction could not be more different.
There are times when I feel a bit stuck in the direction space, and I might pause and say, “Let’s invite the Holy Spirit to speak into this tension.” I will have times when a Scripture I “randomly” bring into a session has been the one my directee has been meditating on all week.
Spiritual direction is all about paying attention to the movements of the Holy Spirit, which has been a great gift for me personally, no matter what side of the direction relationship I am on. I also notice how much it impacts my writing work, how I instinctively and readily invite the Holy Spirit into it before a word is on the page. Whether I am writing to a person or sitting in a room with them, I find it incredibly freeing to know that God and this person have a whole thing going on apart from me and that he knows exactly what he’s about and exactly what they need. I am only a witness to their story, certainly not a main character, and being on the sidelines, watching God at work has been an incredibly transformative experience for me.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
When I was working on “Come Away and Rest,” I was already in a regular rhythm of my own retreating, so I couldn’t help but take a meta view of what was happening during my time away.
During one retreat, I noticed how distant God felt to me and how panicked my inner world became, sidetracking my whole retreat experience. I saw in hindsight that this experience was a microcosm of my regular prayer life. When I have a hard time connecting to God, I become a little neurotic, rotating through different disciplines like I might spin a wheel on a game show, hoping to find one to give me the sense of consolation I desire.
I resolved to return to the most grounding prayer I know, which was taught to me in seminary, called The Prayer of Recollection. This was originally a prayer of St. Theresa’s but was adapted by a seminary professor of mine. I further adapted it after years of having it integrated into my own prayer life and wrote it into every morning of my retreats. I have found these three movements — opening to God, detaching from the things of the world and consciously attaching to God — the most lasting and sweetest practices in my prayer life. This prayer, especially when practiced during purposeful time away with God, reminds us of our soul’s true vocation and purpose: We are no more and no less than God’s children.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
The Prayer of Recollection I just spoke of was taught to me by my dear seminary professor, Dr. John Coe. He, along with other professors at ISF (the Institute for Spiritual Formation), was instrumental in helping me understand the movements of God in our lives and what it means to practice soul care in community.
I also think about the surplus of thoughtful liturgical resources available to us today. I find that I return to the “She Reads Truth” resources for Advent and Lent every year, for myself and my children.
From all the retreats I practice, I am on the mailing list for several monasteries and convents that offer all kinds of artwork and supplies that supplement the spiritual life. I have benefited greatly from those who have been influenced by Scripture and who leave their reflections behind for us. These writers and theologians, many of whom are no longer living, have shaped my faith with their words.
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
I am not normally one for technology, but there is one app I use nearly every day called Pray As You Go. I found it many years ago, when my kids were little and I needed a way to pray deeply but quickly in the morning before everyone woke up. I have memories of lying in a dark room, exhausted from a night of being up with infants and toddlers, but feeling the stirring of my heart to enter sacred time with God.
In the dark, I didn’t have to find my glasses or rouse myself awake enough to locate my Bible. I only had to listen and receive. Those were and are precious times with God, snug in my bed or an armchair, receiving his Word into my heart and into my day, no matter how tired I was or how chaotic the day to come. They open each session with bells ringing, and now I just have to hear those bells and my body and heart almost instinctively open to the Lord in prayer. I love their thoughtful questions, reflections, music and, most of all, the charming British accents.
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
God allowed me to experience a long season of rejection before my first book came out. During that time, the words kept coming even when publishers didn’t take the project on. So now I have dozens of files, everything from concepts and ideas to full manuscripts. I’m spending these days shuffling through what feels like the next right thing to put my energy toward.
I am deeply grateful for my work as a spiritual director, which puts me in the beautiful, holy space of bearing witness to the souls of others, and from that vantage point, I can see where God is moving and most at work. I’m viewing my work these days a bit like a mechanic, but instead of looking under the hood of a car, I am looking under the hood of people’s souls.
I am endlessly interested in questions surrounding growth: why do some people seem to grow in God/hear God’s voice/follow God’s promptings, and others of us have a harder time with all of the above? I am curious about the role of shame in prompting us toward spiritual ideals and what happens when that shame is healed and removed. And always, I’m interested in rest, the undeniable promise of it to God’s people, and the many ways we resist or deny it in our lives.
Earlier in her interview, Alyson said she often noticed a “low-grade anxious hum inside myself, as I had internalized the (false) notion that my client’s progress or healing depended on my skills.”
You don’t have to be a therapist or counselor to feel this way. In any role in which we are caring for others — as a parent, pastor, manager or mentor — it’s easy to feel as if our personal worth depends on our people. On how happy they are, or how much they grow, or how well they perform.
But Jesus didn’t do this. He regularly entrusted his people to the care of his Father. If you care for people in any capacity, we encourage you to read through Jesus’ prayer before his crucifixion in John 17. As you read, ask God how he is calling you to let go of false notions of control and release the results — and the ones you love — to him.
Alyson Pryor is a trained marriage and family therapist and a certified spiritual director. She holds degrees in psychology from both the University of Southern California and Fuller Theological Seminary, as well as an M.A. in spiritual formation and soul care from Talbot Seminary. Alyson most often covers topics at the intersection of faith and psychology, including health, relationships, soul care and retreats, and is passionate about caring for souls well in the church and community. She currently serves as a staff spiritual director and adjunct faculty member at Biola University. She, her husband and their five children live in Southern California.