John and Jena Starke
10 min read ⭑
“Sabbath is not merely a rule to obey or a day to recover so we can work harder. It’s become a center of gravity for the whole week — a place from which rest begins to inform our work, play, relationships and communion with Christ.”
In the heart of Manhattan, John and Jena Starke are busy raising four kids, leading Apostles Church and writing books. But despite their busy schedules, there’s one thing they always make time for: Sabbath. In their latest book, “The Sabbath We Need,” John and Jena share a blueprint for escaping the world’s anxious systems and finding true rest and peace in God’s rhythms. Rapt dug a little deeper into this topic in our recent conversation with the Starkes. You’ll find their wisdom below — along with fascinating stories about discovering refreshment through quilting and photography, encountering the person of Jesus in Scripture, and strengthening their intimacy with God through people, books and apps.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
John: I grew up in Kansas City, so my answer begins with barbecue — specifically Joe’s KC BBQ. The brisket is sliced in a way that is distinctly Kansas City. It is not Texas brisket, which I feel obligated to clarify. We have lived in New York City for years, but that meal reveals that, despite my address, I still have a fairly strong Midwestern sensibility.
Jena: I grew up in Tucson, where Mexican food is not simply “Mexican food.” It is Sonoran Mexican food. It is not Tex-Mex. Apparently, our shared conviction is that our hometown food should not be confused with food from Texas.
John: With apologies to our Texan friends.
Jena: In New York, we are less loyal to one restaurant than to a certain kind of experience: very good food in a beautiful but unpretentious room, warm lighting, jazz and a good happy-hour menu. Now that our children are older, we love slipping out for happy hour. The ideal service is attentive enough that we are cared for, but relaxed enough that we can linger.
John: Jena usually leans toward Mediterranean food; I lean Italian, and both of us can go for a good Neapolitan pizza. Neither of us has ever rejected a delicious burger. What probably reveals the “true us” is our sincere confusion about why anyone living in New York would keep going to only one restaurant.
JSB Co.; Unsplash+
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
Jena: I quilt, and my favorite part is what many quilters skip or even dread: hand-quilting. It comes at the end, and I like to prolong it. I can quilt while we are talking, riding in the car or watching something together. It gives my hands quiet work to do and my mind room to think. The finished object is beautiful and useful, but the slow process is part of the gift. I also enjoy designing each quilt, experimenting with patterns, textiles and materials. We love to use them at home, and I enjoy making them for family or friends.
John: Mine is film photography, especially making portraits of strangers on the streets of New York. I notice someone interesting, ask if I could photograph them, take the film home, develop it and scan it myself. Film imposes limits: the number of exposures is small, mistakes cost money, and you cannot look at the back of the camera to see whether you got the shot. Sometimes I wait weeks — or even months — to discover what I made.
Jena: Our hobbies are different, but both are slow, physical and made by hand.
John: And both grew out of practicing Sabbath. Sabbath created room for activities that did not have to be efficient or productive. The day slows us down enough to quilt or make photographs. They have become spiritual because they train us to receive time instead of trying to master it.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
Jena: Mine is perfectionism. One side of it is that I genuinely love beautiful things and want to do things fully and well. But the shadow side is that I can strive too hard to make everything match the picture in my head. It can swallow me a little.
What helps is accepting that I cannot do everything. I have learned to say no to many good things so I can give myself time to do what I have said yes to. I will probably always care deeply about doing things well, but I need God to keep that desire from becoming a demand that everything be perfect.
John: Mine is a kind of protectiveness. I can become very protective of the things I feel obligated to do — or simply find important and interesting. I have to learn repeatedly that what feels urgent to me is not always what is most important. People have a way of intruding on a perfectly organized to-do list, but as a pastor, husband and father, people are largely the point.
Sabbath has helped confront that protectiveness. At the end of each week, I can see what I did not finish, what I did poorly and where I fell short. Sabbath teaches me that God is merciful toward the unfinished week behind me and will be merciful in the week ahead. Sometimes the faithful outcome of a week is not that I completed everything, but that I made room for the people I’m committed to.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
John: Currently, it’s Sabbath. We have written a book together, “The Sabbath We Need,” which is now available. Sabbath has filled our imagination, conversations and work for the past several years — but it has shaped our lives for much longer.
Jena: We began practicing Sabbath years ago, and we were different people then. As we grew and learned to practice rest, we began very imperfectly. But keeping a day gave us room to read, talk, experiment and pursue joy together. We read books aloud to one another that helped us imagine a different relationship with time. A couple of favorites are Wendell Berry’s “Port William” novels and “The Supper of the Lamb” by Robert Capon.
John: Over time, Sabbath helped create the culture of our family — how we pace our lives, enjoy one another and understand our limits. It has also shaped the culture of our church. Sabbath is not merely a rule to obey or a day to recover so we can work harder. It’s become a center of gravity for the whole week — a place from which rest begins to inform our work, play, relationships and communion with Christ.
Jena: We’re not sure everyone needs to become as obsessed with Sabbath as two people who wrote a book about it.
John: But we do believe it is a gift from Christ that the church urgently needs to take seriously. Sabbath teaches us to stop because God is God, we are creatures, and the world is sustained by his care rather than our anxiety.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
John: As a pastor, much of my work involves preaching, leading staff and planning. But I sense the Spirit’s energy most clearly when those tasks become deeply connected to actual people — when I am listening in pastoral care, thinking carefully about our community or imagining where God may be leading someone and how I might help. When I find myself less protective of my agenda and more hopeful about people, that often feels like the Spirit’s work in me. And when people begin to respond with greater freedom, love, repentance or courage, that fruit helps confirm that he is at work through the work.
Jena: I work outside our home two days a week, but most of my work has been as a mother of four, a wife and a homemaker. In every setting, Scripture is what helps me recognize and rely on the Spirit’s work. Some mornings in the Bible feel alive; others feel like a dud. But the promise is not that every devotional time will be emotionally impressive. The promise is that God’s Word forms us over time.
It teaches me to see people and circumstances more truthfully than I would on my own. It builds something in me that can become a blessing to others. So I do not know it is God merely because a day feels inspired. I know it is God because he has promised to use his Word and because, over time, it bears fruit I couldn’t create on my own.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
Jena: Sabbath remains a sustaining practice for both of us, but I would add the ordinary discipline of being present in worship every Sunday. We have come to experience consistent presence as a gift in itself. Weekly worship places us in relationships, gives us the fullness of a community and teaches our hearts again what is true and real. Of course, brunch is easier. But if worship becomes occasional, we miss more than a service; we miss part of the way God steadies and clarifies us.
John: We both read Scripture daily, practice Sabbath and make room for solitude and prayer. In this season, I have stepped away from my usual goal of reading through the whole Bible in a year and am moving slowly through the Gospel of Mark. In each story or teaching, I am asking: What here makes Jesus pleasurable, delightful or beautiful? What do I see in him that could draw me into deeper love? That has been especially fruitful for me right now.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
Jena: My first “resource” is a person: John. During seminary, we were having children, money was tight, and John was working and studying constantly. He was also wrestling with theology, Scripture and ministry out loud. We talked about everything. I’m pretty sure I received a partial seminary degree by osmosis.
Second, when I was a teenager, my best friend’s mother became an informal mentor. I was similar enough to her that my heart opened to wisdom I might not have received in the same way elsewhere. Simply being around her — watching her life and practices — formed me.
Third, in recent years, I have loved the poetry of George Herbert. His poems can be dense, so they ask for unhurried attention. But on Sabbath, when I have time to stay with a poem, Herbert helps truth move from an idea toward affection.
John: My mind goes immediately to books. Thomas Brooks’ 17th-century “Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices” has helped me understand temptation and suffering in the light of Christ and the gospel. It is full of compressed spiritual wisdom, and I have returned to it many times.
Henri Nouwen’s “The Road to Daybreak” was emotionally and spiritually eye-opening for me early in ministry. In his journal, Nouwen processes disappointment, humiliation, suffering and transition honestly before God and in community.
Finally, Eugene Peterson’s “Answering God” taught me how to pray the Psalms. His insights continue to shape my daily life with God.
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
Jena: Our first instinctive answer was “no.”
John: Possibly because the apps that have helped me most spiritually are the apps that block the other apps.
Jena: Freedom and the built-in Screen Time settings can be genuinely helpful. Also, one of our daughters has permanently “borrowed” my beautiful ESV Study Bible, so their app has become unexpectedly useful.
John: PrayerMate has helped me pray faithfully for people. I can add family members, friends, people in our church and particular requests, and the app gives me a manageable group to pray for each day. It supports a commitment I already want to keep without turning prayer into an endless digital feed.
Jena: We are not anti-technology. But we are skeptical that technology will be the main source of anyone’s spiritual growth.
John: Our deepest technological advice is to put your phone in the other room and take a Sabbath!
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
Jena: Two of our kids have gone off to college, and we have a few more years with our other two. As they grow older, I can see the possibility of traveling with John more — joining him when he speaks and participating in forms of ministry that have not fit easily while caring for children and teenagers. I am excited about that, even though I do not yet know exactly what it will become.
John: Writing “The Sabbath We Need” has filled our imagination, but it has also made us a little less eager to manufacture the next big thing. We are not especially ambitious people — at least not in the sense of constantly asking what project comes next. Sabbath keeps turning our attention toward the life immediately in front of us. So what is stirring may be less a new product than a new season: sharing more of our work together while continuing to be present to our family, church and actual lives.
Jena: We also have our 25th wedding anniversary approaching, and we are planning a truly great trip.
John: Our 20th-anniversary trip was a disaster.
Jena: It was not a disaster. It did not happen.
John: Exactly. A remarkably uneventful disaster. So perhaps the most concrete thing to expect from us is that we intend to celebrate 25 years of marriage somewhere wonderful — and this time, actually go.
Reading Scripture is a powerful part of John’s and Jena’s daily rhythms. One thing John asks himself as he reads through the Gospels is: What here makes Jesus pleasurable, delightful or beautiful?
We think that’s a wonderful question to ask. God didn’t give us Scripture as a mere list of dos and don’ts. It’s a gateway to encountering him, to drawing closer as we recognize his presence.
Try this: Let John’s question guide your Bible reading this week. At the end of the week, ask yourself how your heart or perspective has changed — because we believe it will.
John and Jena Starke live in Manhattan, where they lead Apostles Church. Together, they wrote The Sabbath We Need, now available. John has also written The Possibility of Prayer and The Secret Place of Thunder.