Tiffany Stein
11 min read ⭑
“If after experiencing a loss, you find yourself disoriented, disappointed, frustrated, isolated, disillusioned, hopeless and questioning everything about the God you thought you knew, you’re in good company.”
When Tiffany Stein’s infant son passed away in the NICU, God suddenly didn’t feel like an ever-present help in times of trouble. Where was the comfort of the faith she’d known since childhood? In the crucible of grief, God forged something new in Tiffany. As an ordained minister and fourth-grade teacher, she brings that lesson to life in her newest book, Mourning God: Grieving the Loss, Wrestling With God, and Finding Your Way Back to Life.
Today, she’s opening up about the heartbreaking loss that laid a foundation for her new book, as well as how believers can still find God in the midst of disappointment and frustration. Read on to discover her favorite food as a homegrown Texan, the practical steps she’s taking to heal from shame and the top books that have informed her journey with faith and grief.
QUESTION #1: ACQUAINT
Food is always about more than food; it’s also about home and people and love. So how does a go-to meal at your favorite hometown restaurant reveal the true you behind your web bio?
Chips and salsa are my non-negotiables as a proud Texan. For 36 years, I lived in the Dallas/ Fort Worth area, and for the past three years, I’ve lived in Austin. I’ve tried thousands of varieties of salsa, and no matter where I am or what I’m doing, when the slightly acidic, savory tomatoes hit my tongue, I feel at home. (And for you non-Texans wondering if salsa and hot sauce are interchangeable, they’re not. Hot sauce is made of peppers and comes in a bottle, like Tabasco. Salsa is a chunky dip usually made of tomatoes, onions and jalapeños, and it’s best scooped with a thin, lightly salted tortilla chip.)
I come by my love of salsa naturally. My Mamaw tells a story about a waitress at our local Tex-Mex restaurant coming by our table, gasping and then proclaiming, “Watch out! That baby has a bowl of salsa.” I was 2 years old and have been shoveling spicy salsa ever since.
My husband jokes that my taste buds have been dulled by all the spice because I can’t detect subtle flavors in dishes. When we got married, I so heavily flavored most of our meals with cumin, chili powder and onion powder that he asked me to tone down the spice. I thought spice and flavor were the same thing, and so I stopped flavoring dishes. He then politely told me that I could still use salt and pepper. Apparently, Oklahomans and Texans have different heat tolerances.
Judi Smith; Unsplash
QUESTION #2: REVEAL
What “nonspiritual” activity have you found to be quite spiritual, after all? What quirky proclivity, out-of-the-way interest or unexpected pursuit refreshes your soul?
I feel most alive when I’m outside. Be it hiking, walking the dogs through our neighborhood or supervising students at recess, I feel a sense of calm when I step outside and behold the natural world. By nature, I’m someone who values efficiency, productivity and doing things well, which means I can be so focused on achieving the goal that I fail to value the journey. Hiking especially forces me to slow down, take intentional steps and be aware of my surroundings. I read somewhere that nature is soothing for perfectionists because it doesn’t require anything of them. They don’t have to create or improve it; they can simply be present and drink in the beauty of what has already been created.
My first memory of experiencing God was outside when I was 10 years old. My family was camping in Yellowstone National Park, and we were hiking during what would have been our normal church service time. My family never skipped church, but for this singular trip, my parents thought it might be OK. My dad suggested we pause mid-hike to pray and sing a few hymns. The morning sun was warm, wildflowers and native grasses gently bobbed on the hill to my left, and to my right, I could see a steep drop off to a rushing creek. And as I sang off-key in the Wyoming wilderness, I encountered the beauty of God personally and began to truly worship.
QUESTION #3: CONFESS
Every superhero has a weakness; every human, too. We’re just good at faking it. But who are we kidding? We’re all broken and in this thing together. So what’s your kryptonite, and how do you confront its power?
All my life, I’ve struggled to believe that I’m worthy of love. (To clarify, my parents showed me nothing but unconditional love.) I spent my youth trying to hustle for my worth, and my adult life trying to identify and rip out the pernicious roots of those lies. Of course, I know that I am deeply loved. By God, my family and my friends. I know that how I feel about myself isn’t reality. But knowing something to be true and living as if it were true are two different things.
Those neural pathways are rigid, so I frequently revert to trying to earn the favor and love of others. It looks like people-pleasing, saying what others want to hear, being fearful of confrontation, a reluctance to say “no” when asked to take something on, overreliance on authority figures, insecurity and outsourcing my self-esteem.
I’m doing the hard work of healing from shame. I’m part of a healthy Christian community, see a licensed counselor, pray for healing and process all of this with God. But I’m coming to see that I need to view it not as trying to claw myself out of the spiral of shame (I can’t!), but as an invitation to partner with the Spirit, for so often, his healing is incremental and a gentle reminder that I’m not in control.
QUESTION #4: FIRE UP
Tell us about your toil. How are you investing your professional time right now? What’s your current obsession? And why should it be ours?
Professionally, I’m a fourth-grade teacher at a Christian classical school, and most recently, an author. My first book, “Mourning God: Grieving Loss, Wrestling with God, and Finding Your Way Back to Life,” was released on March 3.
Ever since I was 13, I’ve dreamed of being a published author. The vision for this book began in 2018 when my first child, David, passed away.
David spent all 53 days of his life in the NICU, but as harrowing as that season was, it wasn’t the most painful part. The most painful part was the nine months after David died, during which I felt abandoned by God. God had felt so present and near during David’s life. And suddenly, God felt absent. I couldn’t hear God, feel him or see him. Where was God’s promised loving-kindness and comfort? Where was the God I thought I knew? I needed him to show up.
For the past eight years, I’ve been living and working out the message of “Mourning God.” And now it’s time to share the comfort I’ve received from God with others in book form (2 Cor. 1:3-4).
If after experiencing a loss, you find yourself disoriented, disappointed, frustrated, isolated, disillusioned, hopeless and questioning everything about the God you thought you knew, you’re in good company. Together, we’ll explore the invitation for you to move through mourning the God you thought you knew to intimately knowing the God who loves, comforts, walks and weeps with you — the God who draws near.
QUESTION #5: BOOST
Whether we’re cashiers or CEOs, contractors or customer service reps, we all need God’s love flowing into us and back out into the world. How does the Holy Spirit invigorate your work? And how do you know it’s God when it happens?
Writing and reading are critical for my attunement to the work of the Spirit. I read widely because I want to know and understand. I want to better appreciate the experiences of others, be challenged, grow, feel and be moved to action. I delight in unexpected connections and in piecing together seemingly disparate pieces of information for that “Aha!” moment. I used to think that the thrill of discovery was just knowledge acquisition, but I’ve since come to appreciate that delighting in that which is good, true and beautiful is a gift from God. Furthermore, I’m not just called to steward those connections, experiences and inputs — they are forming me and my imagination.
I often don’t fully know what I think until I write. My personal journal is the place where I most regularly encounter the provision of God. I can look back over a decade and see how God has faithfully been with me every step of the way.
Writing “Mourning God,” however, was one of the most moving experiences of my life. As I typed words on the screen, I felt God’s pleasure in me. The writing itself was an act of worship, as God and I were uniquely creating something beautiful together. I sensed the Holy Spirit directing me when a quote or verse would come to mind, a difficult sentence would become clearer or a compelling illustration would almost write itself. It was hard but deeply meaningful work.
QUESTION #6: inspire
Scripture and tradition beckon us into the rich and varied habits that open our hearts to the presence of God. So let us in. Which spiritual practice is working best for you in this season?
Lately, I’ve been leaning into contemplative practices, and my favorite is centering prayer. Unlike many other disciplines, centering prayer isn’t about producing anything. Instead, it’s about making space for sitting with the Lord. The goal isn’t to accomplish anything, hear from God (although that is always a bonus) or walk away with greater insight. The goal is simply to be with and delight in God through the cultivation of interior silence.
I was initially skeptical, as centering prayer sounded mystical and isn’t easily quantifiable. What exactly happens during centering prayer? How do I know if I did it correctly? What is the fruit? Isn’t this an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined? (You can hear the legalism.)
But in a season of outpouring, it’s been exactly what I need — a practice where I simply show up and receive God’s presence. To me, centering prayer feels like a warm blanket of love draped around my shoulders.
To practice centering prayer, find a peaceful and quiet spot, set a timer for five minutes or longer and sit in an alert but comfortable position with your eyes closed. Focus on a specific word or image and try to remain open and present to God. When you get distracted, simply return to your word or image. When the timer goes off, gently withdraw from prayer. Try not to evaluate your prayer time afterward. Instead, trust that the time was valuable because you spent it with your Lord.
QUESTION #7: FOCUS
Looking backward, considering the full sweep of your unique faith journey and all you encountered along the way, what top three resources stand out to you? What changed reality and changed your heart?
“The Prodigal God” by Tim Keller completely reoriented how I understood God and myself. When I read that the elder brother, like the younger, also wanted the things of the father but not the father himself, I was convicted. I realized that I, too, was blinded by religiosity and striving to earn the love the Father already offered. The fact that Jesus is the perfect elder brother who went after us (the younger brother) at the expense of his own life floored me. Here was a personal and loving God who freely offered love regardless of my actions.
In God’s kindness, I was better prepared for David’s death because I read “Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering” by Tim Keller several years prior. With the heart of a seasoned pastor and the wisdom of a theologian, Keller tackles difficult subjects such as the nature of pain and where God is in the grief, as well as how to walk practically through suffering. I had no idea then that this book would provide the theological framework I would later need for wrestling with God experientially.
“The Deepest Place” by Curt Thompson informed my grief journey as well as “Mourning God.” As a psychiatrist focused on spiritual formation, Thompson illuminates the invitation to allow God to transform grief into a lasting peace that surpasses all understanding. Uniquely focused on the formation of durable hope, this book explores the redemption that can be found in suffering.
Certain things can be godsends, helping us survive, even thrive, in our fast-paced world. Does technology ever help you this way? Has an app ever boosted your spiritual growth? If so, how?
I personally find my phone to be a source of stress and anxiety in my life. With each notification, email, text or update, it seems that something or someone is demanding more from me than I have to offer. Because the interruptions are distracting and limit my focus, I’ve turned off all notifications for texts and emails. I also refuse to wear a smartwatch because I don’t want to be always available to everyone. In this season of life, I’m striving to accept my God-given limitations and to live within and honor them. That means acknowledging that I cannot be productive all the time, that it isn’t healthy for me to be connected constantly and that, oftentimes, the most worthwhile things are happening right in front of me.
I’m a book-and-paper kind of person, but for personal study as well as research, I reach for anything by The Bible Project. Their app, website and podcast are all phenomenal tools for diving deeper into Scripture. They approach the Bible in an engaging manner that focuses on the overarching narrative of the Bible, create valuable resources offered free of charge and do so with a winsome combination of scholarship and humility.
QUESTION #8: dream
God’s continually stirring new things in each of us. So give us the scoop! What’s beginning to stir in you but not yet fully awakened? What can we expect from you in the future?
As a first-time author, I’m not sure what to expect on the other side of the book launch. As I gauge the response to “Mourning God” and interact with readers, I want to be open to any needs that God might be inviting me to help meet.
Specifically, I’ve outlined a weekend retreat that my husband (a pastor) and I would like to host for couples who have lost a child. In a safe, honest and intimate space, there would be time for lament and the sharing of stories, connecting as a couple, enjoying delicious food and the beauty of the outdoors, conversing with others who “get it,” worship, corporate prayer and addressing practical topics.
I also dream about facilitating an online grief cohort of eight to 10 people, where we walk through “Mourning God,” do companion exercises, converse about our grief journey, support one another and dive more deeply into Scripture (think a mixture of pastoral shepherding, GriefShare and a book discussion). This would be a high-commitment group lasting six to eight weeks.
Additionally, I’m keeping a file of material that would make a great corresponding Bible study for the book. I also plan to blog more regularly and add valuable resources to my website.
Grief is tricky. At first, it hits like a tsunami, crushing and complete. But like the seismic waves that follow an initial surge, grief often makes reappearances, bringing the pain of the original loss back to the forefront.
And it’s something nearly everyone experiences in their lifetime. Around 72% of U.S. adults have wrestled with grief related to a life event in the last three years, 10% of whom struggle with prolonged sorrow.
Although it’s a universal experience, grief can feel incredibly lonely, which is why it’s important to reach out for support. We weren’t made to suffer alone — not during the initial loss or in the years and decades afterward.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction” (2 Cor. 1:3,4a, ESV).
Tiffany Stein is an ordained minister who also serves as a fourth-grade teacher. She previously served as a women’s pastor and marriage and care director at Irving Bible Church in Dallas. Her first book, Mourning God: Grieving Loss, Wrestling With God, and Finding Your Way Back to Life, comes out in March 2026. Tiffany is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary and comes alive when writing and teaching. She delights in one-on-one conversations with a cup of hot tea in hand, and takes every opportunity to hike the Texas Hill Country. Tiffany and her family live in Austin.